There's something I've been thinking about a lot and it's sort of a difficult subject.
It's about my home state. Which of course, is Florida. I've lived in Florida since I was five except for the year and a half I lived in Denver, Colorado, which is a beautiful place but one where I felt like an alien at all times.
It's about my home state. Which of course, is Florida. I've lived in Florida since I was five except for the year and a half I lived in Denver, Colorado, which is a beautiful place but one where I felt like an alien at all times.
I've lived on the East Coast of Florida near the Atlantic and right across the white sand road from a tannin-stained, silted river with jungle islands in it. I've seen manatee and dolphins, sharks, and sting rays in that river. In another river that intersects with the one I lived on, we used to find mammoth fossils lying on the ground in plain sight on a specific dredge island that only a very few people knew about. That was a magical place to grow up. A place where many very, very hard and difficult and traumatic experiences happened to me but none of them had anything to do with the place I was living which gave me sustenance, and let my imagination go wild, lying on the dock and watching the river pass by or sitting in the crotch of an old cedar tree.
After we moved from there when I was about twelve, we lived in Central Florida, as far from oceans as you can be in this state, but there were lakes everywhere, and rivers too. The town I lived in, Winter Haven, was known as the "City of One Hundred Lakes" and if that's hyperbole, not by much. As Hank has noted, if you meet someone from Winter Haven and ask them which lake they grew up on, they'll have an answer and it will be the name of a lake.
I moved to Tallahassee, which is in the panhandle of Florida, up near Georgia and Alabama, when I was nineteen. Although the geography and flora and fauna were completely unfamiliar to me, I have grown to love and appreciate what we have here so much. I talk about those things frequently. The rivers and springs and the giant oak trees, the camellias in winter, the tree fruit and magnolias. We have the Gulf instead of the Atlantic but it's beautiful in its own way, albeit tamer. We still have red dirt roads near where I live and towns that move more slowly than time itself, where you can pass by small old houses where an elderly PawPaw or MeeMaw has been placed, sitting in a chair on the front porch, doing nothing in this world but watching the cars go by, maybe waving to each one.
Of course, as Florida has always had, there are pests and critters galore that can drive you to insanity or even eat your dog. The heat and humidity are unbelievably oppressive in the summer. We have hurricanes that flatten and frighten, tear trees out by their roots, and roil the coastal waters to heights great enough to take out the most sturdily built homes along with trailers and shacks. But something about Florida has called to so many people over the long, long history of the state, who learned to tolerate the mosquitoes and snakes and panthers because there was something in it that can catch hold of a person and not let go.
Now I'm not going to go into all of the changes that Florida has been through even from the time I was a child in the early sixties. But so many of those changes have been wrought to make the state more comfortable and tolerable to people from other areas. Trust me- if there were no air conditioning, we would not have a tenth of the population we have now. Not even close.
And air conditioning is just one thing. There has been draining of the swamps and filling in of the Everglades. There has been construction in places that should never have been built upon. And people and people and more people have moved here, drawn by some perfect beach/Disney fantasy of what life in Florida is. And I am not going to say that things were so much better "in my day" because a lot of things are better now.
Air conditioning, mainly. Also, roads.
BUT, when it comes to the land and the waters and the coasts, things WERE so much better when I was a child. That's all there is to it.
And air conditioning is just one thing. There has been draining of the swamps and filling in of the Everglades. There has been construction in places that should never have been built upon. And people and people and more people have moved here, drawn by some perfect beach/Disney fantasy of what life in Florida is. And I am not going to say that things were so much better "in my day" because a lot of things are better now.
Air conditioning, mainly. Also, roads.
BUT, when it comes to the land and the waters and the coasts, things WERE so much better when I was a child. That's all there is to it.
And we ain't never going back. What people refer to as "the real Florida" is almost gone and before my children join me in the afterlife of energy and soul, I fear it will have disappeared and life will once again be intolerable here.
Having said all of this, I look around me and I can see with 20/20 vision the political horrors going on in this state. I see Ron DeSantis who has to be one of the most hateful people on this planet. He seethes with hate and the desire for power. I fear him more even than I fear that man who also lives in Florida in a magical place called Mar-A-Lago. I fear for people of color whose history DeSantis wants to erase from our history books. I fear for immigrants trying to make a life by picking the very crops that Florida is so proud of and that we, as a nation, depend on.
I fear for all of the queer community that DeSantis has decided to demonize rather than the things that actually have the power to destroy us- big agriculture, big development, off-shore drilling. Climate change.
I fear for all of the queer community that DeSantis has decided to demonize rather than the things that actually have the power to destroy us- big agriculture, big development, off-shore drilling. Climate change.
When we went to the beach last Saturday to celebrate my son Hank, there were people with us who were absolutely going to be using the state park restrooms not aligned with their presumed birth gender. And you know what? I didn't even think about that. You know why? Because I am a woman of huge privilege. I am white and cis-gendered. And straight. I am old woman with a husband and four kids. There are no laws telling me I can't use the restroom of my identified gender. It did not even occur to me that some of our group were, in a way, risking their lives and freedom by using the "wrong" restroom.
This is all so incredibly disturbing and frightening and horrifying when I allow myself to truly think about it that- well. As the mother of a trans son, I don't allow myself to think about it in personal terms.
And yet, I have to, don't I?
Yes. I fucking well do.
And yet- here's the thing. When people criticize Florida in broad and dismissive ways, it hurts my heart.
We are not Floriduh. Although I can see how easy it is to see us that way. We are a state that is suffering through a horrible crisis caused by evil people. But not all of us are evil. Not even close to all of us. We are not all ignorant, bigoted meth-using, crack-smoking, gun-toting, Confederate flag waving, fundamentalist Christians who speak in tongues and handle snakes. Some of the most intelligent and thoughtful and educated and artistic and liberal people on the planet choose to live here. And I am so very fortunate to know some of them. And I am so very fortunate to know and love and call as family a whole lot of queer folks who have enriched my life in ways that I never could have imagined.
We are not Floriduh. Although I can see how easy it is to see us that way. We are a state that is suffering through a horrible crisis caused by evil people. But not all of us are evil. Not even close to all of us. We are not all ignorant, bigoted meth-using, crack-smoking, gun-toting, Confederate flag waving, fundamentalist Christians who speak in tongues and handle snakes. Some of the most intelligent and thoughtful and educated and artistic and liberal people on the planet choose to live here. And I am so very fortunate to know some of them. And I am so very fortunate to know and love and call as family a whole lot of queer folks who have enriched my life in ways that I never could have imagined.
The thing that triggered this rant was an article written by one of those people. She is a beautiful woman (and I am not kidding- she could be a model and is often mistaken as one) who is scary smart, who grew up in Florida with parents who know more about the ecosystem here than almost anyone. In this article, entitled Overheating: Leaving My Home State of Florida, she says everything and she says it perfectly. It's a long article and I know that it's a lot to ask people to spend the time reading something that they think may not affect them.
But I will tell you this- if things keep going the way they are in this country, it will eventually affect all of us. We all know and love gay people. Trans people. Bi- people. Gender-fluid people. ALL the people that are the latest people to be persecuted.
But I will tell you this- if things keep going the way they are in this country, it will eventually affect all of us. We all know and love gay people. Trans people. Bi- people. Gender-fluid people. ALL the people that are the latest people to be persecuted.
Phew.
Not to mention the state of our planet.
Mr. Moon left for the coast a few hours ago. I am at peace and content here at home where it is relatively temperate and the skies have cleared after all of that glorious rain.
My sheets are clean, I am having a martini with pickled green beans in it and the church next door is rocking with bass, drums, and voice for the pleasure of their lord while the crows are cawing and the cardinals are making their chip-chip calls for whose pleasure or purpose I do not know.
But they do.
Happy Friday, y'all.
Love...Ms. Moon
Our political system is far from perfect but I cannot begin to imagine what it must be like to live with yours. This is a beautifully written and informative piece. Thank you, dear Ms Moon.
ReplyDeleteThank you for reading it. Living here now is a special sort of horror.
DeleteI live in Texas, same sort of hatefulness. It’s as if Abbott and DeSantis are one-upping each other. Margaret
DeleteBeautifully written Mary and so true. It is horrifying to watch what that hateful little man and his cronies in the state houses are doing to Florida. There is something seriously wrong with him. I understand why people of color and immigrants, and LGBTQ folks are leaving if they can. I sure as hell would.
ReplyDeleteAlso- parents of trans kids are leaving because they can't get their children the medical help they need for their children's transitions. Your child can literally be taken away from you if you do what needs to be done.
DeleteWow. Just. Wow. is all I can say. You have so eloquently and beatifully described your Florida life......from childhood to now all all its myriad of parameters......far better than anyone could. Happy Martini while I digest all this...and read your linked article. Wine glass on board for that on this end! Maybe a second glass will be in order!
ReplyDeleteSusan M
Thank you, Susan, for always being so supportive.
DeleteOhio is as red as Florida save a few pockets: Cleveland, Toledo, Cincinnati. We got this way the same as you did. It's all impossible to explain. We are set up to continue downhill unless we change elections and laws. I have four gender fluid grandchildren, one of whom is trans. I am so glad I'm not in their shoes, sexually, environmentally, socially. But I will support them in every way I can for the rest of my life.
ReplyDeleteI know you will, Joanne, as will I support my child and any grandchildren who may need that sort of support in the future. And it is impossible to explain.
DeleteSuch an eloquent post. Yes, it's easy to criticize from the safe outside. But it's not so easy to rout a politician like desantis. And when generations have lived there, not so easy to "just leave". Those of us who are privileged and don't even know it, it just seems normal to be accepted and safe, need to remember how a lot of good people are living these days. Thanks for the reminder.
ReplyDeleteThank you for being the way you are and for understanding.
DeleteIt has ceased to make any sort of sense. I read about a guy who went ballistic at a girls track event, accusing a child (A CHILD ~ 9 YEARS OLD!) of being transgendered, and trying to get two girls tossed out of the competition.Thing was, they were two little girls with pixie haircuts.
ReplyDeleteThe bathroom thing makes no sense to me. If you are in a bathroom stall and thinking about the genitalia of the person in the next stall, there's something wrong with YOU.
Good god. People have lost their motherfucking minds.
DeleteAnd you're so right about bathrooms.
I read about that. apparently if you are a little girl with short hair and no breasts because you aren't old enough then you must be transgender. the pervert was demanding that her vagina be examined! all because, I assume, this little girl had two moms who were also accosted by the guy's wife who called them groomers and pedophiles.
DeleteThank you for your eloquent post. I feel the pain you describe. I am a life long resident of your neigboring state...Alabama.
ReplyDeleteBelieve I understand.
Linda from Alabama
I believe you probably absolutely do understand.
DeleteI love reading about REAL Florida, your youth and the special EXTRA special areas of that place on earth, the topography, the fossils, the eager plant life, the beauty of nature and the danger. I think that just about every section (state)'s inhabitants could say that where they live is glorious- as nature goes , politics not so much. Because the state of
ReplyDeleteFlorida has been desirable with a temperate climate ( before climate change) It's where the big money went, the opportunists, the billionaires escaping winter and getting tax breaks - follow the money you will find corruption, extremism and insanity I reckon.
The wildest most extreme stories come from
Florida. Not sure why that is the case but that is the reputation- Florida politics only shore that notion. Politicians voted in by the people .Florida is not alone- seems to happen nationwide, idiot white men elected, making new laws that have nothing to do with the betterment of humanity- contrarians. So , yes ,Florida is politically the worst, as is Texas, as is Idaho as is Wyoming....on we go. Just that Florida has a huge piggie bank and lots of piggie power. A threat to the rest of the nation ,setting the pace.
Thank you for that very considered comment, Linda Sue. And you are right about the wildest stories coming from Florida. I have pondered that for a long time and I have come up with a few possible reasons. One is that crazy people are just drawn here for whatever reason. Another is that the heat actually drives people insane.
DeleteIt helps to remember that so many Trump and DeSantis supporters have moved here from "up north" as we say. Older people who truly believe in the concept of making American great again. It is definitely not just southerners who are bigots and racists. And these people vote.
Well said, Neighbor!
ReplyDeleteThank you, Kathy.
DeleteOne of the hardest things about leaving Michigan (which has its blue pockets, but also is deeply, Trumpian red in great swaths) is that I know how important it is to stay in places like that--if every progressive with means leaves, then we abandon those who cannot leave. And goddamnit, these are our places too. I know people make Florida the butt of their jokes, in the same way that Midwesterners get painted with a broad and ignorant brush much of the time. But I love those places deep to my core, and the queer, radical, vulnerable citizens. I loved reading this.
ReplyDeleteI posted this on FB and got a comment from a woman I know who decided some years ago that she needed to move to Mexico. She is a person of color. And she is thriving there. She pointed out that so many people have told her she should have stayed and fought and she believes that's fine for cis white people but to tell POC that is like telling slaves who are planning an escape that no, they should stay and hope for change. I get that.
DeleteI also get loving a place so much that you can't leave but there comes a time when there may be no choice. I don't know.
I’m glad you have acquainted me with the beautiful aspects of Florida. Thank you.
ReplyDeleteYou are welcome.
DeleteI am so very glad that Florida still has people like you in it and maybe one day the tide will turn and commonsense will prevail again. For a long time now I have been sorry to hear of wetlands etc being filled in and built upon, that is something that should never happen, anywhere. The earth's ecosystems are suffering because people want to build houses in them instead of just visiting then going home. As for the vile DeSantis and all like him, I am sure Lucifer is preparing a special level in hell for them all.
ReplyDeleteDeSantis and those like him are creating a hell here on earth. And that's the plain and horrific truth. Florida is doomed, I fear. We will have destroyed it sometime in the future, sooner than most of us think.
DeleteBeautifully written Ms Moon. I'm seeing an awful lot of videos popping up on Youtube at the moment of people leaving Florida - or choosing not to move there - but mainly it's because of the spiralling costs, lack of homeowners' insurance etc. From the outside looking in it looks like paradise, but you sure bust the lid off all that!
ReplyDeleteYeah. It's becoming very expensive to live here although many people move here because there is no state income tax. Homeowners' insurance is going up at an insane rate though, and we can thank Republican lawmakers for that too.
DeleteHi Mary, I've been thinking of you all a lot recently, regarding the increasing hate and madness that's flourishing in some states, and growing this way too. These are scary times. xx
ReplyDeleteOh, Jo! I have missed you! Are you okay?
DeleteYeah. Things are getting very, very scary here. Have been since Trump was elected but it all seems to be escalating way too fast.
My beautiful friend, you have written a poetic and truthful piece about our beloved state... I'm sharing this in the hopes that others will understand the raw love we have for this magical place, and how important it is to fight the ugly forces that are truly threatening not only Florida, but our entire country.
ReplyDeleteThank you. So much.
DeleteThat article is beautifully written as well as sad. (The line about so many angry men with guns? So true.) I can't imagine the fear, and the bravery, of just trying to live your life there. I'm in Ohio, which has its own nightmares. I wish I could go back home, to the East Coast, but I can't; financially it's not an option. Telling people to just leave is a privilege that I don't think people understand; for others, we have to stay, but we choose to stay and fight for the rights of all.
ReplyDeleteIsn't that article amazing? I wish everyone could know the author. She is truly brilliant and unique as is her wife.
DeleteYou're right- when people say, "Well, if you don't like it, why don't you just leave?" or, conversely, "How can you live there? You should move!" they have no idea how many people are absolutely tied to where they live and work.
I will read the "overheating" article, I promise. I identify with so much in this post, as you know. When I was young, just out of college, I went to Anna Maria Island with some friends and we sat out on a dock and had a huge debate about Florida and its future, and whether it was being ruined or boosted by tourism. I've always remembered that conversation, for some reason, even though it wasn't particularly insightful. It captured the tug-of-war that every Floridian feels -- appreciation for the low taxes, resentment and anger at the rapacious appetites that consume the state's resources in return.
ReplyDeleteI've often wished in an abstract way that air conditioning was never invented. As you said, Florida (and the rest of the South) would be a lot different.
What I feel worst about is nature. Natural Florida is really suffering. When I was a kid The Villages didn't exist, even as an idea, and now there's a gigantic paved CITY in the heart of the state that used to be ranches and groves and cypress hammocks and pine forests. Same with Naples and Bonita Springs and lots of other places. Just developments as far as the eye can see. No wonder panthers are so scarce.
As for the politics, Dave and I often say if we go back to the states, we can't go back to Florida. Sadly, I really think that's true. The state no longer wants me. (And as a result I don't really want it, either.)
Beautiful comment, Steve. Thank you. And yes, please read that article.
DeleteThe Villages represent to me the very worst that has happened in Florida, to Florida. Everything I read about that place makes me feel sick to my stomach. And how ironic that the people who moved here to begin with (well, white people and the native people and escaped slaves) were searching for a place where they could live that was hard, yes, but far away from the crowds and rules and laws of the already civilized places. And god, they were strong! They had to be fearless to make a life and living in Florida but the rewards were many too. And now the state is filled with soft old people who start drinking at ten in the morning and who want nothing more than to socialize with others, play golf, swim in pools, and have sex, I guess. White, mostly. Republican too. It's sickening.
I agree about The Villages. I remember how beautiful and rural Sumter County used to be. I think the biggest town was Bushnell and it was NOTHING. Now the whole northeast corner is a freakin' golf course rolling with carts decorated with MAGA flags.
DeleteFloriduh and Texass. we are suffering from the same thing here, caught in the grip of hateful governors for whom cruelty is the reason. and like Florida, Texas is full of wonderful people and in fact should have gone back to blue last election and would have if it wasn't for all the voter suppression tactics aimed specifically at the blue cities and students. the AG actually bragged about it taking credit for keeping Texas red.
ReplyDeleteI read on a social media site a guy who had spent hours on TicTok,, youtube, and other sites watching videos of the devastation caused by DeSantis basically making being an immigrant against the law and the massive exodus of legal and illegal immigrants and of the farms with produce rotting in the fields and on the trees with the farmers complaining that 'citizens (I read that as white people) bitch about the conditions and the pay and don't come back after lunch break and the construction sites that are empty having only one or two people show up so building is at a standstill. why are they not protesting DeSantis?
And Ellen, you know I was born in Texas, right? El Paso. My biofather was in the service.
DeleteAnd you are so right- the only people who are really willing to work the truly hard jobs that we so depend on being done, are brown- skinned and from south of the border.
As Glen said the other day, for Republicans, it doesn't even matter if something is good for the economy or for people. If it's something that Democrats want, they'll do everything in their power to prevent it. That's why I keep saying that these people are so hateful and purely cruel.
I have no idea why people are not protesting DeSantis. I guess because he hates drag queens? I mean- why is Trump the Republican front-runner for the next presidential election? Are these people completely insane? I think they are.
Ellen, I’m not that far from you, over here in Galveston where 85% of the voters are Democrats and where, thanks to gerrymandering, we are [not] represented by the reddest, maga-est people imaginable. Margaret
DeleteI'm sorry that your Florida has changed for the worse but I am glad you and your family and friends are staying there to make things better again. I think as the old conservatives die off, they will be replaced by more accepting, loving young voters who don't want the hate. Peace and love to you, Mary!
ReplyDeleteWell, it would seem to me that the old conservatives just keep on living and voting. Hopefully, you are right though and that the young people will be the ones to change things.
DeletePeace and love to you too, Ellen.
I laugh at "Florida Man" and other Florida memes, but it's totally a "laughing WITH you, not AT you" kind of humor. As we say in South Carolina....thank God for Mississippi. You know.
ReplyDeleteI talk shit about my home state on the regular, but like you, it hurts my heart a little when people seriously think that ALL the white people here are racist and homophobic and illiterate and ignorant. Of course, there is plenty of all that to go around but it's far from the whole story. And I recognize my great privilege and how different things might seem to my friends who aren't straight, white, cis, etc. But there IS a lot of good here and always has been. I grew up in a poverty-stricken little town where the white kids and Black kids were mostly all the grandchildren of sharecroppers. It's funny but things seemed LESS racist back in the 80s when I was growing up. Several of my best friends were Black. A dear friend since kindergarten (still) is a trans man and we all knew from the time we were little kids that he was actually meant to be a boy and accepted it. (We're still close friends to this day, especially since he moved back home a few years ago). We often talk about the way things were, and are, in our hometown. And one thing we agree on: if all the white, straight allies move away, where does that leave our friends left behind? This is their home as much as it is ours. I can't blame anyone in targeted groups who move to find a better life, but it seems like it would be the height of privilege for ME to move to a more liberal area of the country. (Even though I dream of it sometimes, honestly). I feel like right-thinking white, straight cis folks should stay put in these places where our votes and our voices are so badly, badly needed.
Sorry for rambling. This is stuff I think about all the time. You write about it all so much more beautifully than I ever could.
Thank you, Jennifer. You absolutely get it because you have grown up and live in similar circumstances. And your comment was beautifully and thoughtfully written. I love your story about your friend from childhood. Republicans seem so very determined not to give kids ideas about how they can change their gender but kids know these things instinctively, I think, and it all just becomes part of their reality.
DeleteI think you're right about those of us who are not in targeted groups needing to stay where we are. Until we can't, I suppose.
Hard to believe that in this day and time, some things are even so much uglier than they used to be.
I’m also a parent of a transgender son (just since about 18 months !), and I’m so hoping that his life won’t be as hard as I fear! I’m amazed at how people think it’s their business how other people identify themselves - I mean- my daughter who became a son is still the same beautiful person as ever! And since he came out, he’s happier than ever, and doing great in college 🙏I’ll never stop hoping, but also will never stop worrying🥺 Much love to you and your family ❤️ XO, Rigmor
ReplyDeleteHaving a transgender son has enriched my life more than I could ever have dreamed. It will probably be the same for you, Rigmor. I am so glad to hear that he is happy and doing well. He is lucky to have you as a mama.
DeleteThank you Mary for this clear-spoken post, and for the link to Overheating, and for having such a wise and inspirational bunch of commenters. Living in Idaho, we see the same, and we think the same questions. Our environment hasn't (yet) been ripped to shreds, but we sure have some loud and malicious legislators. Our Republican party is deeply divided, and it seems like the loud vicious ones are the minority, but of course they manage to inflame voters and get them to the polls. There's an unexpected push by the sane ones to switch the state to ranked-choice voting rather than primaries. Our conniving Attorney General is dead set against this, and is throwing all possible obstacles in the way. But it is a sign of hope.
ReplyDeleteChris from Boise
It is a heartfelt Post and I will read that Article. I think you spoke for so many of us, not even just those living in your Beloved State. Arizona is going thru a lot too and I Love this State, but, we have a lot that is not anything to be proud of too. I think most places can be like that and yet it taints us all in so many ways, and our Beloved parts of the Country. As for DeInsanitis, he is scary, probably even moreso that the Orange Menace actually, he's more Intelligent and an Evil Man with high Intelligence is dangerous, moreso than an Evil Fool. My Grandson is Transgender and is Married, I fear for both of them when now the LGBTQ Community is the Target once again of so much Hatred, Fears that are unfounded, and Discrimination, after so many hard fought Rights had finally been Won for the Community. The same for all peoples of Color and for Women, it's as if too many want to take the Nation backwards and it's deeply troubling.
ReplyDelete