Well, I did it. This morning I opened the door of the hen house and before I could even say, "Come on out, y'all!" they were sashaying themselves into the wild world again.
Oh god. It's such beautiful sight to see them in the yard, scratching busily all day, their feathers glowing in the sun. Living a life in a coop is not a life at all and I am just hoping with all of my heart that they stay in the part of the yard away from the fox den and keep safe. I can't begin to tell you how soothing and joyful it is for me to see them going about their chicken business. I hope they live long and prosper but if they don't live long, at least I will know that the life they have led was a happy one.
I felt so weird this morning. I tried, as one does, to figure out why I was really, really anxious. If I had to use words to describe how I felt it would be shaky and quaky. And yes, I did indeed have some anxiety triggers. Going to town, even for just a simple shopping and getting a massage can be a trigger for me. Mr. Moon coming home- another possible one. Will he still love me? Will I be able to readapt to having another person here? Can I refit my schedule back into "our" schedule? Will he even be glad to be home?
So there was that but of course I knew that Mr. Moon coming home would be a lovely thing and that going to Costco and to get a massage was truly not anything to stress out about.
And then, when I went to take my medications after breakfast, I had a strange feeling that I had not taken them yesterday and damn- I was right. The "Sunday" compartment of my pill container was still full.
This is a little scary. What if, for some reason, I suddenly have to come off of my meds? I heard an interview with Tina Fey and that very thing happened to her when she had some sort of medical problem requiring hospitalization. When she got home and was off her pain meds she went to a horrible spiral of depression and anxiety and flat-out feeling crazy. Her sister finally figured it out. Damn.
So if the comet hits the earth and doesn't kill me but prevents my access to medications will I then go even crazier than one would go if the comet hit the earth? And also, you know- maybe die. Not all of my meds are for depression and anxiety.
That's a pretty extreme example but you know what I mean.
Anyway, I took Sunday's meds and then I took a walk but it was late in the afternoon before I regained what I would call actual equilibrium. I guess I just need to do better about remembering to take the damn pills. This happened before, a few months ago. Hell, my mind, my body- it's all going.
I feel about like this most of the time.
Did he do that on purpose? Or was it just a coincidence? Whatever, I indulged him, scratching his head and his back and it calmed me and we both fell asleep.
As always...Ms. Moon
Missing medications is horrible yet we still manage do to it. It only takes a few hours without my anti-depressant and I start to feel very strange indeed.ReplyDelete
Your massage therapist sounds like a wonderful woman.
Mr Moon will greet you as you deserve to be greeted. Honeymoons don't end that quickly!
Yay for the chooks. They look happy and extremely proud of themselves. Long may the fox stay away.
Thank you, Ms. Merlot! All is well here in Lloyd today.Delete
animals are good pacifiers for the most part. Stuffed animal toys are good too.ReplyDelete
I'm glad you decided it was better to let the chickens out in the day. Better a short and happy life.ReplyDelete
And I'm glad you did go through with your plans. You do seem to to that, even when you're wobbly. Good for you.
I almost never, never don't go through with my plans even though sometimes (rarely!) I take half of a very small ativan. I know that once I get moving, get going, become engaged in something else, I'll be better. And I almost always am.Delete
The chickens are so happy.
I was reading about taurine as it is in the "energy " drink that the dead inventor made, probably from his own product, who knows. Anyway, sounds like Taurine might be worth investigating.ReplyDelete
Taurine? Isn't that stuff added to cat foods to help with eye health or something?Delete
Well, it's not so much that I don't have energy. It's just not the right kind!Delete
Missed meds are a reality of life. I spent my whole career giving other people medication....and by God, I miss my own meds more than I like to admit. Such is life. Glad Lucky and Grace are now allowed on 'free-side'.ReplyDelete
I wish them a long and happy life. Once Mr. Moon is back and the routine
returns (and meds taken) all will be well with the world again.
I am usually very, very compliant. Just every now and then I let it slip my mind. It is part of my routine which is inappropriately important to me.Delete
Yes. Having those chickens outside makes me feel a lot better. Their presence in the coop just made me feel so sad.
And definitely- all is well with the world again.
The same thing happened to me at the end of August when we were coming back from our trip out to the coast. I forgot to take my anti-depressant and all hell broke loose in my poor brain. I take effexor and apparently withdrawal symptoms can occur with one missed dose. I decided to see if I could wean myself off of effexor for that same reason. There are six tiny little pills in each capsule and it took me six weeks to stop having side effects from just taking one tiny little pill out of the capsule so I upped it to two tiny little pills now. I don't feel great but we'll see what happens. I've never liked taking anti-depressants and new studies are coming out that the meds don't really work. I would also like to try psilocybin mushroom treatment but you can't do that if you're taking anti-depressants. I figure it will take me a year to wean myself off of them. I guess we'll see.ReplyDelete
I wish I could just give you a huge hug. It's terrible what our brains do to us. Don't believe everything you think:)
The last time I weaned myself off one of my antidepressants, I got through it, successfully, but guess what? My depression and anxiety made a comeback. After a few weeks I said, "I don't have to live like this," and I went back on it. Placebo? Maybe. If it works, it works.Delete
I wish you COULD give me a huge hug. And I know what you said is true- or to put it another way, feelings are just feelings.
I think, after hearing each others stories of what you did while apart, everything will slip back into the old routine easily and comfortably.ReplyDelete
And so it is already!Delete
I do hope that taking the medication regularly helps to right you. And massage is so important! Whenever I get one, which is rare, I always think, "what a dummy! you should get this more often!" In any case, I hope that Mr. Moon arrives safely, and you're back in the swing of things quickly.ReplyDelete
Elizabeth- I think the same thing when I get a massage. In fact, I made another appointment before I left to get more work done on my hip. So good for me!Delete
The man is home and safe.
It's nice to see the fally down house returning to the earth. If you stood in the very same spot ten years from now , I wonder what might be left. Maybe it would no longer even resemble a house. Just a pile of rotten wood and the silent echoes of lives that were once eked out there. Maybe Mr Moon will bring you some maple syrup.ReplyDelete
I just hope that ten years from now there's not a damn Walmart where the Fally Down house is. I know there won't be. There's not enough room. But there could be something like a McDonald's. We're mighty close to the interstate.Delete
Mr. Moon brought me no maple syrup. Which is fine. I get excellent maple syrup at Costco. I am such a hypocrite.
Pixie, that was a great saying "Don't believe everything you think"ReplyDelete
Thank you so much for what you write, Ms Moon.
During the last maybe five years of my marriage my doctor had me on anti-depressants. When I had to go into hospital for an operation this doctor made me stop all my anti-depressants on the spot. Oh boy, was that ever a mistake!!! And the stupid thing I knew it, but he had god syndrome so there was no talking to him. Never again (not that I've needed anything since my divorce)!ReplyDelete
Wow. It can make you really, really sick to come off of some meds like that cold turkey. Your doctor was a dick and he didn't know what he was talking about.Delete
Just a suggestion--I had to add a midday pill to my repertoire and knew it would be a real problem remembering to take it, so I set an alarm (with a gentle tone--not a wild one) on my phone for 1 pm. It works. Haven't missed a pill. You might try that for your meds--no matter what time of day. If you don't get up at the same time each morning, then set the alarm for mid-morning. If you've already taken your pill, great. If not, you've had a reminder. Here's hoping the anxiety takes a hike--without you in tow.ReplyDelete
Good idea! But it's truly rare for me to forget to take my pills and if I do, I generally remember before the day is out. I use my phone to remind me of so much these days though. What would we do without them?Delete
I was going to suggest setting an alarm on your phone but I see Mary has that in her comment. I use my phone calendar more and more so I have reminders of things I really need to do and I won't get distracted and forget!ReplyDelete
Glad you are bouncing back already and get ready to celebrate the return of Mr. Moon as you know you will both be so happy to see each other!
We truly are happy to see each other. I am so grateful that we still feel this way.Delete
That's what I do, have an alarm set on my phone 9 AM and 9 PM for pill taking. Even so once in a while I wake up and think did I take my pills last night? and once in a while I haven't. I tell myself that missing one dose is not a big del, that it takes time for it all to get out of your system.ReplyDelete
And of course your alone life and your together life will merge seamlessly like it always does.
I now have a night time pill but I just set it by the bed on my nightstand and I take it every night. So many damn pills! I keep thinking I'm going to get my shit together and do lifestyle changes so that I won't have to take so many.Delete
So far that is a vague dream.
Pixie reminded me of something. When I was going through chemo, the doctor wanted to put me on an antidepressant. I will admit that I could never described as bubbly but at the time I felt like I had a lot on my plate but I was actually thinking I was dealing with everything pretty well, so I told her (many times) that I did not need an antidepressant. Long story short, the chemo slammed me into menopause. The hot flashes were crazy bad. She prescribed effexor for them. I should have asked more questions. Effexor is a powerful antidepressant. It also did not stop the hot flashes. When I began reading up on this drug, I was a bit alarmed at some of the side effects. I had been on it for several months, and called the oncologist's office to say that I was uncomfortable continuing on the medication. The nurse who answered the phone was very impatient and said, 'so don't take it then. Your choice.' I quit. I should have read a lot further while researching this. Two days later, I was in some very serious withdrawal.ReplyDelete
One of my antidepressants also has horrible withdrawal side-effects. Physical and mental. I am so sorry that your doctor did not listen to you. Why are doctors like that? Who knows our bodies and minds as well as we do? I'm proud of you for quitting. You knew what you needed.Delete
What idiot prescribes effexor for hot flashes? That's what HRT's are for (hormone replacement therapy) and there are no side effects when you eventually stop them.Delete
All change, even the good, is stressful for some of us. We overthink the what ifs and the part of our brains that evolved to keep us safe from some danger at some point in our lives gets whipped into a defensive frenzy and sometimes it’s all happening below the level of consciousness and all we’re aware of is the anxiety, untethered to anything we can discern, but there all the same. By this time tomorrow all will be peace again, your beautiful man blissfully happy to be home. Lovely update on the chickens. I love you my sister spirit.
It's great to see the chickens having some outdoor time! I don't have much experience with long-term medications but I suppose a hundred years ago nobody was on them and people (mostly) survived, except in cases of acute illness. They may have been anxious, though. And God knows our modern world probably makes us MORE anxious than people would have been then. (This is not a very helpful or insightful comment, LOL)ReplyDelete