Well, I did it. This morning I opened the door of the hen house and before I could even say, "Come on out, y'all!" they were sashaying themselves into the wild world again.
Oh god. It's such beautiful sight to see them in the yard, scratching busily all day, their feathers glowing in the sun. Living a life in a coop is not a life at all and I am just hoping with all of my heart that they stay in the part of the yard away from the fox den and keep safe. I can't begin to tell you how soothing and joyful it is for me to see them going about their chicken business. I hope they live long and prosper but if they don't live long, at least I will know that the life they have led was a happy one.
I felt so weird this morning. I tried, as one does, to figure out why I was really, really anxious. If I had to use words to describe how I felt it would be shaky and quaky. And yes, I did indeed have some anxiety triggers. Going to town, even for just a simple shopping and getting a massage can be a trigger for me. Mr. Moon coming home- another possible one. Will he still love me? Will I be able to readapt to having another person here? Can I refit my schedule back into "our" schedule? Will he even be glad to be home?
So there was that but of course I knew that Mr. Moon coming home would be a lovely thing and that going to Costco and to get a massage was truly not anything to stress out about.
And then, when I went to take my medications after breakfast, I had a strange feeling that I had not taken them yesterday and damn- I was right. The "Sunday" compartment of my pill container was still full.
This is a little scary. What if, for some reason, I suddenly have to come off of my meds? I heard an interview with Tina Fey and that very thing happened to her when she had some sort of medical problem requiring hospitalization. When she got home and was off her pain meds she went to a horrible spiral of depression and anxiety and flat-out feeling crazy. Her sister finally figured it out. Damn.
So if the comet hits the earth and doesn't kill me but prevents my access to medications will I then go even crazier than one would go if the comet hit the earth? And also, you know- maybe die. Not all of my meds are for depression and anxiety.
That's a pretty extreme example but you know what I mean.
Anyway, I took Sunday's meds and then I took a walk but it was late in the afternoon before I regained what I would call actual equilibrium. I guess I just need to do better about remembering to take the damn pills. This happened before, a few months ago. Hell, my mind, my body- it's all going.
I feel about like this most of the time.
Did he do that on purpose? Or was it just a coincidence? Whatever, I indulged him, scratching his head and his back and it calmed me and we both fell asleep.
As always...Ms. Moon