Sunday, June 27, 2021


 

Well, there you have what I picked today. I think that tomorrow I'll make chili sauce because it's like ketchup in that you cook down the tomatoes to the purest, deepest essence of their flavor, and peppers and onions and spices are also involved. Garlic too. I might get crazy and add the roasted cherry tomatoes I made last week along with the pickled cherry tomatoes I made because their texture is just horrible but if they were cooked down with sauce that would not be a problem and their flavor is wonderful. 
We'll see.
I was thinking I'd do that today but by the time I'd quit procrastinating, it was too late. So I cleaned the hen house and then I was overcome with heat and humidity (not as bad as what you PNW people are experiencing) and had to lay down and almost fell asleep which is ridiculous in that I slept nine hours last night. 

Sleep has become not only my rest but my entertainment as well. I've been having fairly interesting dreams forever but the ones I'm having these days are taking new twists and turns although many of the same themes are represented. Not always though. 
A few nights ago I dreamed of Roseland, which I do, but the house that my grandfather built for my mother and brother and I was a prominent feature and that was a first. 
I have never, ever dreamed about that house in such detail. 
In real life the house is one of the worst looking places in Roseland now. There are houses that were shacks 60 years ago that are now tidy, sweet little cottages which I've talked about before because it just astounds me. But the house we lived in, built in the early sixties, is just a horror. You can't see too much of it for the trees and uncontrolled growth and it has been painted the most wretched shade of brown you can imagine. It was white stucco when we lived there with green trim, I think. It was a simple house. Two bedrooms, one bathroom, a small kitchen with a dining area, a pass through window onto the the living room. That was it. There was some nice pine paneling in the living room and the floors were terrazzo which was sort of an early fake marble type of material and which I still love. I can remember vividly the day they made it. They poured concrete and then literally threw the tiny stones that makes up the color and character onto it and mashed those down and then sealed and buffed it. Indestructible, cool, easy to clean. And if you dropped something on it, it broke. Not the floor. Whatever you dropped. 
As I recall, the entire house was built of concrete. Perhaps blocks. I don't remember. But whatever was cheapest, sturdiest, and practical I suppose. There was no air conditioning. In those days, this was common. There was, however, a screened in back porch which stretched the width of the house and I don't recall that we used it much but I can remember the giant land crabs who, once a year would come out of the muck and mire by the river to find love, would climb to the top of the screens. It was like a horror movie to those who had never witnessed it but we took it completely in stride. For those of you who are curious, just google "land crabs" and you can see for yourself what happens when they come out of hiding. 
Anyway, that was the house. There was also a small laundry room, a carport for my mother's 1960 Volkswagen Beetle (snot green) and an aerator tank which everyone down there had which supposedly helped improve the taste of the sulphur water that came out of the taps. 
It didn't. 
And strangely, I just very rarely dream of that house. There was a great deal of pain and suffering that went on in that house and I feel no need to go into details tonight but I'll just say that we were living in that house when my mother was courted by The Asshole and where we lived when they were first married. 
In my dream, the house did not look so bad inside. It was like I was watching a video that someone had taken, room by room. As it was about to move into the bedroom that my brother and I shared, I thought, "This is where the horror began," and that part of house, the video, never showed. 
It was unsettling. 
Granny and Granddaddy's house was in the dream too and it was beautiful. It was a beautiful house to me. A tiny, simple cabin, really, that Granddaddy had built an extra bedroom on, linked to the house by a short screened walkway. Just a few steps from the kitchen. When I dream of that house, I yearn for it to be mine. It is totemic in my life. In this dream, the river rose and climbed its bank and was flooding the house, which as far as I know has never happened. The house is across the street from the river and there is quite a bit of ground between them. But I've been told that water represents emotions in dreams and I can see how that could be true here. When I think of that house emotions do indeed wash over me, just as the waters of the river of my childhood washed over the floors of dream Granddaddy's house.

The dreams I had about those two houses have been with me since I woke up from them. Memories of those days have become sharper and arise frequently. There was no resolution in the dream. No Big Answers but I'm sure that there are quite possibly some interesting questions. It's funny. The older I get, the more I yearn to go back to Roseland. Not just to visit, but to live and I seriously doubt that's ever going to happen. I would be one of the old people there now, living their (my) last years on the banks of the Sebastian River where there are jungle islands and dolphins and sharks that swim in from the Atlantic via the Sebastian Inlet, manatees, mullet, mangroves, snakes, gators, catfish, tarpon, and so many of the memories of my heart. 

Love...Ms. Moon 

15 comments:

  1. I've been having some very vivid memories that come back to me with almost total recall, or so it seems. At least, how my brain remembers it.

    I looked up land crab migration, yikes.

    I'm glad you had your grandparents as a child. They sound like loving people.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. My grandparents were raised in the days when affection towards children was not encouraged. I know they loved me because they took care of me when they needed to. They did their best and made me feel relatively safe.

      Delete
  2. Your grandparents' place sounds idyllic. So many people might think they want/need 6 bedrooms and 4 bathrooms but in the end all you need is a roof over your head, food in your belly and somewhere safe to shelter, don't you. I sometimes dream of a house that is a bit of a wreck - more of a maze than a house - and I'm forever trying to fix it up. Not sure what that means in dreamworld though. Still, I don't care too much now as I am happy in the life that I have!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Oh- the houses I dream of! Mainly one, specifically, but there are others and they ALL need cleaning so desperately.
      The house we live in now is probably too big for us but it is a great grandparents' house.

      Delete
  3. I just do not remember my dreams anymore. I know they happen, are complex and involved but my first waking thought and they are gone no matter how I try and drag back the wisp. I guess my aunt and uncle's house in east Texas where I would go visit every summer would be my equivalent. I loved that house and the live creek that ran behind it.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. and I meant to comment on the monster book last post. I love it! what a great book.

      Delete
    2. What was the house like, Ellen?
      The monster book is pretty darn cool.

      Delete
  4. I'm having narrative dreams these days, some of which I remember, none scary, more interesting than anxious. I wonder if it's the result of greater isolation from the pressures of other people.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Probably. I think that our brains have more room and time to play while we're asleep these days.

      Delete
  5. I suppose it's natural to yearn to return to the place you came from -- that you consider home on some deep level. I can imagine that house so clearly, because I've seen so many like it. Unfortunately '60s architecture doesn't get much respect these days so houses like that aren't considered fashionable enough to refurbish, unlike the old cracker houses. We had a terrazzo floor too, and you're right -- it was unbelievably hard. My mom used to complain that it made her legs ache.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I love the fact that you know exactly what I'm talking about with that house. I am not surprised at all that you had terrazzo floors. Did you have a tiled bathroom?

      Delete
  6. I hope your dreams bring you joy and peace and love, Ms. Moon!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Well, they definitely bring some interesting entertainment!

      Delete
  7. I think maybe you already live there is a parallel universe, and visit in your dreams.

    ReplyDelete

Tell me, sweeties. Tell me what you think.