Sunday, July 1, 2018

Today Is Not The First Day That I Ever Wished I Was A Mermaid


Maurice is looking like a beat-up old tom cat who will drag his balls after him unto death. However, she is not a tom cat. She is a small spayed female whose first impulse is always to fight. To live by tooth and deadly claw, even with the people she loves. And I know she does love us because, well, I just do. But lately the poor thing has been more paranoid than ever and she spends most of her life trying to avoid the other cat, Jack, who I swear must weigh three times what she does. I think he eggs her on, I honestly do. But after all these years together one would think they would have arranged a more amicable existence.
She has something going on with one of her rear legs. She favors the right one and I can't see anything wrong with it (and god knows I'm not prepared to get right in there and examine it because she'd take my hand off) and she can use it to scratch her ear so I don't know what's wrong with it. It can't be broken and there are no obvious injuries but something ain't right.

Ah-lah.

It's been a suck-ass day. I couldn't sleep half the night for heartburn and it rained today which was nice but I feel so out-of-sorts when I don't get any outdoor time. I spent over three hours ironing shirts and watching Anthony Bourdain and thinking over and over and over again how depressed and unengaged with life he was when these episodes of Parts Unknown were filmed. I mean, he was trying, and his show was still a hundred times better than almost anything else on television but there was no joie de vivre there at all. Even when he ate beautiful food, grandma food, it seemed as if his capacity for enjoyment was completely missing.
"That's terrific," he would say with a flat affect, as if he was trying as hard as he could but it simply wasn't in him to savor, to truly appreciate.
Those of us who have suffered from depression know this feeling all too well.
And his smile never reached his eyes. And he looked so very, very tired all of the time.

So.

Yeah.

All day I've felt as if I've become someone I never thought I'd be. A complete drudge who has no idea how to have fun any more. I mean, I do have fun. Sleeping is fun unless my dreams suck. Reading is fun. Going to the river is definitely fun. Listening to audio books while I do laundry and sweep and make the bed and cook is...fun?
Who am I kidding?
Me, obviously.
When was the last time I went to a movie? To the beach? On a vacation?
I don't know.

And all day every household chore I did from taking the trash to unloading the dishwasher filled me with resentment. Just pure angry resentment.
Let us remember this is Sunday, a day which up until not too long ago I could barely get myself through for the sadness and the depression and the resentment.
Every. Sunday.

So hell, one Sunday out of many is not so bad.

Tronald Dump. That's what one of the guys on Trailer Park Boys called our president on an interview show when he was in character. In the series, his entire dialogue is made up of malapropisms and curse words or cursing malapropisms and WHY HASN'T TRONALD DUMP CAUGHT ON?

The show is made in Canada, by the way.

I've asked this before and I'll ask it again- where in hell is Robert Mueller?

I'm so tired, y'all.
I am so, so tired.
And I am so aware that I am not the only one.

Let's all get some real good fun sleep tonight, okay?

Love...Ms. Moon








17 comments:

  1. Don’t count on Mueller. I’m hoping Florida gets the vote out. That’s only thing that can turn the tide. Not Mueller but voters

    ReplyDelete
  2. When you wake up in the morning wondering how many hours it'll be until you can take a nap, then you've had a day just like mine.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Can we all just get in the car and drive to Cozumel? Or get in the plane? Or the spaceship? I'm open.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Another trip to Mexico is in order, I think...

    ReplyDelete
  5. Maybe it is something in the shift of the earth, maybe the moon, maybe the electrified air. A friends called me this morning saying " I think I really am insane, I feel like I must be insane" Could be the orange horror- it could be all of the above. But my friend went out and bought some Tarot cards and made an appointment with an astrologer for next week...that is how crazy . We are getting it narrowed down to fortune tellers to give us some sense of knowing. We all hate sneak-up-on -you surprises.

    ReplyDelete
  6. I never seem to have much fun either. Although running with Miss Katie today was fun, watching her high five the runners was fun. She knows how to have fun.

    My son never showed up for supper so I'm sad. I always hope and always get my hopes shot down. Sigh.

    ReplyDelete
  7. I'm struggling with low level anxiety and some depression at the moment and I'm so afraid of a downward spiral. It's happened before in my life, utter black depression as well as out of control OCD and panic attacks. Not a good situation so I'm trying my best to keep it all at bay. The stress of our political situation is really starting to wear me down. I know I'm not alone in that, at least. Fucking Tronald Dump.

    ReplyDelete
  8. Maybe Meuller is being slowly poisoned by the Russians.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Oh, my... sign of the times that that sounds alarmingly feasible.

      Delete
  9. Meuller...Mueller... Anyone?.. Mueller...

    I don't know - it seemed they had all they needed. Who knows what crap is going on behind the scenes.

    Mary - it sounds like it is indeed time for some form of holiday. You do too know how to have fun. Please go to the beach. Or somewhere new. Or somewhere old and comfortable and beloved. Rest, rejuvinate - take a weekend off? Do it for your readers! ;)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Me too Mary. I feel the same and no fun any more. Maggi xxx

      Delete
  10. Can you make a trip to Mexico anytime soon? It always lifts your spirits, perhaps it’s your ancestral home. It’s hard to be uplifted with what’s going on right now. I have actual fears about things. But November’s coming. I hope the elections aren’t stolen. I swear if there isn’t a big blue wave no one will ever convince me voting rolls and machines weren’t tampered with.

    ReplyDelete
  11. As for Mueller, I think he's waiting to surprise the Tronald Dump administration and the Republican party with a huge October reveal. He's pumping Michael Flynn for all it's worth. I sound a little Pollyanna-ish, but I still think if we vote, we can get rid of the Republicans, impeach/remove Donald Trump, and work toward impeaching Clarence Thomas from the Supreme Court.

    Also in line for the Financial Services Committee is...ahem...Maxine Waters. She'll light out after Trump.

    ReplyDelete
  12. well, our special election to replace our US rep went to another party line republican. sigh. of course. the election was not publicized and the only reason I knew about it was because I get alerts on my phone from a political action group. and while it's not raining, we can't go outside because of the horrible mosquitos. and as far as our government and country goes it just makes me want to cry. so yeah, let's all head to Cozumel.

    ReplyDelete
  13. I know it doesn't help (and it's probably even annoying) for me to point out that you DO indeed know to have fun -- and you have a lot of fun regularly with your family at Japanica! and thrift stores and even Costco. Not to mention the river and Apalachicola. But still, I know what you're saying, and I'm sorry you're having a mermaid-wishing day.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. And yes, where the hell IS Mueller?

      Delete
  14. I know that exact tired. I've never been one to hide my head in the sand, but I had to do exactly that after hearing about Kennedy's retirement. I reached a breaking point. Wishing for strength to get us through. Much love.
    Xoxo
    Barbara

    ReplyDelete

Tell me, sweeties. Tell me what you think.