Saturday, December 2, 2017

If I Were A Snake, I'd Be Size Enormous

Ah, but tech problems have persisted today and when we went to turn on the TV it did the same thing it has been doing although not always, and not after I'd changed the HDMI outlet and oh, aren't you impressed I know what HDMI is?
Well, don't be.
So. I called Dish Network because the signal to the TV is just not getting to the TV. Sometimes it does and sometimes it doesn't. And it would seem that the TV is fine because when it does get the signal, it's beautiful and operates properly and Netflix is a joy and a wonder and works all the time.
The girl I got at Dish after being on hold for 26 minutes and 18 seconds was very nice and friendly and she had me do all sorts of plug-in, unplug, plug-in magic and a bunch of other stuff, some of which involved wrenches but Mr. Moon was here to do that and nothing worked so she had to make us a service call appointment and honey, when she started talking about charges I just handed the phone to Mr. Moon and walked away.
I'm sorry but it seems to me that you're paying good money to receive a service and if there is something wrong with the Dish equipment, and you are not receiving that service, it's on their back to make sure you do.
Am I wrong here?
So. We have a tech guy coming between 8 and 10 tomorrow morning (I shit you not) and we may not even need him. Mr. Moon called Sony back (isn't this fascinating?) and they did some more plug-unplug magic and that worked but the guy said that if we keep having the same problem, it's Dish and not the TV.
Now. All of this is fine except that Mr. Moon and Owen are going hunting tomorrow morning so I will be the one to be here for the repair guy and I do not like to get up at 7:30 a.m. on a Sunday. In fact, it's against my religion, although I suppose that it's all so batshit crazy that it IS my religion.
And that's enough of that.
Moving on, last week I bought three pairs of previously owned overalls from Ebay. I need new overalls. Mine are either too small for my ever-widening girth or completely worn out and half of the strap hardware on all of them are fucked and yes, I should fix those things but instead, I just pin them with old baby diaper pins and as you can only imagine, this does not really add to the charm OR the ease of use of my beloved overalls.
Thus- new ones. New old ones.
I bought two pairs of size large, different brands, and one size extra large because they were Old Navy and believe it or not, Old Navy overalls, in my experience (and I have quite a lot) hang in there really well and their fasteners work the longest.
So. First came one of the large pairs. Union Bay.
Once I was in a Ross and I overheard a woman who was holding up a dress say, "Size twelve? Size twelve for a SNAKE, maybe!" and that's how I felt when I tried on the Union Bay overalls.
Large for a snake, maybe.
And no, they did not fit.
Second pair arrived. These are dressy overalls. J.Jill linen. Fancy! But really nice. Size large. Perfect. Comfy and just perfect.
Then on Friday, the Old Navy extra-larges showed up at the post office.
Now, I won't say that I could get two of me in them but I could get me and perhaps Gibson in them. They are HUGE! Which I must admit, I love, and they are already in the wash because I weeded and planted shallots this afternoon while wearing them.
I feel a bit like Goldilocks in this story because she, too, had to keep trying things to find the ones that were just right. I guess the J.Jill overalls are the just right ones but for their purpose, the Old Navy overalls are just right too.

And that's the news from Lloyd, Florida where the mosquitoes are still biting, the pecan trees are leafing out like it's spring, the camellias are just starting to open, and for right this second, the new TV is working as it should although there appears to be some sporting event on it which I have no interest whatsoever in watching.

Guess I'll make supper.

Love...Ms. Moon


  1. You're hilarious. Amazonian anaconda, here. Women's sizing is effed. You probably know, but some of the manufacturers realized that if they inflate the size on the tag, we'll be more inclined to buy. Like 'oh, i fit a six, better get it.' So it's wildly inconsistent. Sometimes i'm a W's *XL*, but a lot of my clothes are Men's *Sm*. How messed up is that?

    Dress up overalls? Now that is my kind of fancy.

    Hell yeah they should cover the service charge.

    St. Guano of the crazies? I pray to him too.

    1. Damn, yes, women's sizing is ridiculous. Usually, the more expensive the garment, the lower in size you can go. And all of my cargo shorts (I love cargo shorts) are men's.
      Dress up overalls for sure! If they say J. Jill on the label, they are fancy. Am I right?
      Trust me- we did NOT pay for this service call. Before it was all over, Glen had been on the phone with an account supervisor for about thirty minutes. That man does not ever pay what they tell him it will cost. He is a born negotiator.

    2. Well, hopefully it *does* speak more to Mr. Moon's diplomacy and power of persuasion, but i remember witnessing from an early age, that two people can take the exact same tack in these situations, and the man will succeed far more of the time. :/

  2. I am pretty sure the techs, though lovely, are just rolling a couple dice and whatever sequence of numbers they land on they look on a list and that’s what they tell you to do. Then they laugh and laugh when your start crying.

    1. Get this- the Dish tech lady told me that she can't get Netflix or Youtube on her own TV and doesn't know why. I was like, "This does not bode well."
      I asked her if a lot of people get angry with her on the phone. Haha!

    2. That. is. hysterical. I loved being brutally honest with customers. Our calls were never audited. Hehehe.

  3. Yes I agree with Birdie. Sometimes I believe techie people aren’t really more techie but more patient and persistent. I love that you got overalls from j jill. Overalls were my favorite thing to wear in high school. I’ve seen overalls for sale in LA but very trendy and tight and I think what is the point of overalls if they are tight? Joanne


  4. I love stories like this (Dish TV). There's something about reading someone's else's account of tedious customer service that's really funny. I guess it's all in the writing, and after all, we've all been there -- maybe not with Dish but with SOMEONE.

    Send those Union Bay overalls to Goodwill! (I'm guessing you can't return them...?)

    1. Those overalls are not going to Goodwill. I am saving them for some person who is skinny and wants overalls. A person I love, hopefully, or at least like. They're fine overalls. I used to get all of my own overalls at Goodwill but I can't seem to find any lately.

  5. I love J.Jill. Those pieces last and last.

  6. I have the ever-widening girth too! We are living in some sort of fucked up semi-parallel universe. I have the Spectrum cable guy coming early tomorrow morning to work on my cable TV, which I am finally getting back. Real Housewives and Southern Charm marathon sessions, here I come! And also, I stayed up until 3:30 last night (my ass is dragging here at work today) trying to set up my new laptop that Leif got me for early X-mas. I found out I need some sort of Ethernet damn cable and talked to two people from India (one of whom was named Roger--yeah right) trying to get the damn thing set up. UGH. Technology gives me the agita.



  7. congratulations with new well worn overalls; when you live in overalls as you and I do, you need overalls for all occasions :) and the big ones are the best ! I bet you are not surprised by a comment from me :) greetings from the small farmhouse in Denmark


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