Friday, February 18, 2022

"Woe Is Me!" Said The Bitchy Martyr, And Then She Laughed And Laughed


Thanks, Joe!
Mr. Moon and I received our free covid tests in the mail today. Well, they could have come yesterday. I only go to the post office a few times a week now, usually when I take the trash. 

I had a martyr day today. I fully and freely admit that I have martyr syndrome. My mother did too, but she let us know about her suffering. She was overburdened and mistreated and made no bones about relating it to certain family members. (Me, especially.) I, on the other hand, keep my suffering silent for the most part but I know that by now, Mr. Moon can tell by the way I say just the word, "Okay" that I'm in the mode. I'm sure he wonders what in hell he did this time but it's not really him. It's just that he's the one who's here to bear the brunt. I get all martyry about things that really do not deserve my self pity or special recognition. Such as cleaning. It's mostly about cleaning. And doing things that I do not enjoy but which really must be done to keep a house functioning and within the realm of pleasant living. 
So, yeah, mostly cleaning. 
And of course no one (and guess who the only one would be?) ever notices the hard, hard work I do to create this functionability, this pleasant living experience. Although I will admit that sometimes out of the blue Mr. Moon does indeed thank me for random things like always washing his clothes and he almost always thanks me for cooking good food but of course I don't mind cooking much at all. In fact, I enjoy it for the most part. 

But some days I am just over it. Everything from dumping the compost out for the chickens and cleaning that container, to making sure that there's toilet paper in the bathrooms, to unloading the dishwasher, to sweeping the floors just pisses me off. 
Today was one of those days. I really didn't want to continue my pruning project. Was not in the mood. And there was a lot of laundry to do which was funny because I woke up from one of my eternal dreams about having hundreds of loads of sheets and towels to wash. So I did a lot of laundry. Including sheets and towels. 
And I swept and I mopped the kitchen and a bathroom and I washed rugs and I dried and folded and put everything away and I took all the trash and I made the base for the first batch of ice cream that I'm going to start here in a few minutes. I'm making French vanilla because I had six egg yolks leftover from the cake I made on Monday. I hope it's good. 
And really, none of that is much work, relatively, but I just felt bitchy about it. 
Maybe I have a bitch syndrome, rather than a martyr syndrome. 
Or...perhaps I have both!

But it's nice to have a clean kitchen floor and clean laundry and clean sheets and towels. I somehow survived the dreadful, painful toil. 

I'm listening to a novel, The Five Wounds, by Kirstin Valdez Quade, and the concept of martyrdom is strong within it although the person I would call the "main martyr" in the story is a woman who is truly trying to do the best for her family that she possibly can under unbearable conditions. But all of the characters suffer from the syndrome a bit, including her thirty-three year old son, an alcoholic who still lives with her, doesn't work, and yet feels that life has dealt him a bad hand and that his good intentions and "honest" mistakes are judged way too harshly. All of the characters feel that they are not being given what they deserve from others and this may be the true sign of a martyr. 
Perhaps I am not as much a martyr as I think I am because I honestly feel that I am treated so lovingly, so appreciatively by my family. In fact, far better than I deserve. 

So there is that. 

I am still, however, a bitch. At heart. Trust me. 

All right- I have started playing Wordle and within four days I have become addicted. Levon helped me play yesterday by hitting "enter" for me as he had done with his grandfather, M, when he was visiting recently. Thank GOD there is only one a day. What a brilliant and simple concept! 
Another thing that I did not mention yesterday was how after reading the book about octopuses, Levon and I kept seeing those creatures in all sorts of things- mainly trees with their spreading roots. It was magical. Also, we had read a book about listening when everything is quiet and I told him that when we are silent, we can hear so many things that we usually do not notice. For a moment we were both quiet and we heard wind chimes and birds. And then later on, in our walk, he said, "Let's be quiet," and we were, and we heard the wind blowing through the leaves of the octopus trees. 

I hope I remember that always. 

Happy Friday, y'all!

Love...Ms. Moon






20 comments:

  1. I too am martyr and a bitch and it is about the endless cleaning.Arrrgh.I very much relate.

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  2. I think there's a human right to moan and complain. It's a safety valve. Go you!

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  3. "The wind blowing through the leaves of the octopus trees" is about the loveliest sentence of the day! My deal is - if I don't feel like doing it , I won't.I have a "fuck it" syndrome.

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  4. I had a Kitchen Aid with an ice cream attachment, and the grands got pretty good at it when they lived with us. Then they inherited it. Ham and Blake bought a house together and Beck got an apartment down the block. Ice cream is one thing they do.

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  5. You are indeed a martyr because you don't appreciate yourself enough! And that makes you bitchy, too! Lol, but seriously, too.
    I am more aligned with Linda Sue, although I do have my moments of feeling extremely put upon when there is something that "must be done" apparently only be me.

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  6. I've been feeling very bitchy. My grandsons have been trying my patience for the past 2 weeks but I only have until Sunday and they will finally go home and I will feel better. It is like living with Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde - one minute all sweet and the next minute screaming, ungrateful, demanding little shits! I am worn out!

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  7. I hate doing housework but I hate living in a dirty house even more, so cleaning wins out. However, there are two of us living in this house so why am I the one doing all the housework?

    Women seem to end up doing all the heavy lifiting in families, making phone calls, appointments, making sure the pantry has what we need, toothpaste, benadryl, the list goes on and on and on. I want a wife to take care of me:)

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  8. https://vivianswiftblog.com/?attachment_id=34028

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  9. I come from a long line of martyrs, and I have surrendered to it.

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  10. "Let's be quiet", I am going to teach that to my new twin granddaughters when they are old enough. They aren't even born yet!

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  11. Housework is just too dreary, no one notices, and it has to be continually repeated. I live alone so who notices. Sometimes I tell my adult sons, I vacuumed, or some such. I do lots of housework, but, boring! Love to be in the garden or reading.

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  12. I have been doing Wordle for a few weeks now....(did it in 3 yesterday!!) There is a afternoon TV programme here called " Lingo" that is the same concept, but the contestants don't have much time to think about the next word. Often they have 4 letters all in the right place and can't think of anything that could fit, and there I am yelling at the screen!

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  13. We are all a bitch at heart -- every one of us. It's human nature to exaggerate the degree to which we are put upon and burdened, I think. I can't tell you how many times I find myself cursing when I load the dishwasher at night because I'm tired and our dishwasher is too small and pretty soon I'm moaning to myself about how I DO EVERYTHING even though Dave just cooked dinner! So it's not just you.

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  14. We got our test kits on Wednesday. My mother definitely had martyr syndrome and on the flip side she considered just about everything a crisis. And I am stubbornly not playing Wordle for the very reason that everyone else is. How dumb is that.

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  15. Octopus trees are indeed magical! My mom was a huge martyr, in the worst way. I too suffer from mixed martyr/bitch syndrome. Does it sound more impressive as an acronym? MMBS? Ah well, the bs part for sure. Off to look for octopus trees!
    Xoxo
    Barbara

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  16. How beautiful, that moment with you and Levon, listening to the wind. Frankly, I think any day that includes laundry, and folding everything afterward to boot, is a day of significant labor. There is no household chore that I dislike as much as laundry. Now that we have two free bedrooms, with our children off on their own, the bed in one of them is perpetually covered with clean laundry. So, by my lights, you've had an incredibly productive day, definitely one worthy of bitching about.

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  17. That walk with Levon sounds wonderful...

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  18. I don't think you're a martyr - just having one of "those" days - and luckily your husband has the sixth sense to spot it!

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  19. Your grandmother spirit and the sentence "The wind blowing through the leaves of the octopus trees" are impeccable (Am-peck-ahb, Madame, as the French say in admiration). I am grateful for these slices of your life that you gift us with almost every day, a wonderful accomplishment! Still out here reading and sending love, x0x0 N2

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