Thursday, May 14, 2009

Giving Me A Wah-Wah

Got the saddies today, as my friend Sue used to say, and I don't know why. Maybe it was my dreams which have been Wes Anderson-like in their complexity and casts of interesting characters and houses. Last night's were not so fun, although I can't remember much about them but know I woke up with a heaviness in my heart.

It's another beautiful day here, still with a fresh morning coolness, and blue of sky and that, perhaps, is part of it. We need rain desperately. A few months ago when the blackberries began their blooming, I was thrilled to see what looked to promise a bounty of berries. Vast plots of white-blooming bushes, and now they're setting the berries but with no rain, how can they end up being anything but hard and sour instead of bursting with juicy sweetness? Picking blackberries is such hard work. It's always way too hot, it's a snaky, buggy business and the thorns of the plants rip your clothes and flesh but if there is anything that makes me feel richer than having bags of frozen blackberries or jars of sweet preserves, I don't know what it is and so the work is always worth it.
And I was looking forward to that work. I was.

So there you have dreams and drought but here's another thing:
Yesterday HoneyLuna brought over the movie The Business of Being Born, the documentary made by Ricki Lake and Abbie Epstein. She had watched it the night before and wanted to see it with me. We watched it and it was great. Every pregnant woman should watch this movie. But I felt as if I had seen it over and over again already in my life. Nothing has changed in the birth business in over thirty years except that the medical interventions are growing worse and with them, the infant mortality rate in the US. I loved seeing the footage with Ina May Gaskin, the patron saint and goddess of birthing women everywhere in the world. They had old footage from when she was a realitively young hippie midwife, delivering babies on the Farm in Tennessee and new footage of her discussing birth practicies today. Her book, Spiritual Midwifery was the seed this movie grew from. Ah. That book. I know it like the back of my hand. I know it like I know the faces of my children. It inspired me, it enlightened me, it trained and advised me. It still does.
But I didn't learn one damn thing from that movie and you know why? It's all stuff I've been saying for over thirty years. That every intervention they do in the hospital leads to another which leads to another, ending up in a 40% C-section rate with mothers believing that the mighty doctors saved their babies' lives while if they had been surrounded by supportive and knowledgeable midwives who helped them let their bodies do what women's bodies were designed to do, their babies would have been born naturally and safely and they, too, would have known the feeling of ultimate joy and accomplishment and love that comes with the birth of a child. It makes me despair for the human race, it really does. Dr. Michael Odent was discussing the "love cocktail" of hormones that enfold a mother and her baby when birth occurs naturally and over its own time and I told Jessie that really, our society doesn't want women feeling the incrediblely passionate need to nurture and protect their young these hormones deliver along with the baby. Too many women would refuse to go back to work, leaving their six-week old infants in someone else's care.
And I really believe that.
Jessie, who is planning on going to nursing school and probably doing her time in L&D before she goes on to become a midwife asked me, "Am I going to have to go along with the way the hospital does things?"
And I said, "Yes. You are."
She asked, "Will I forget what natural birth is supposed to be like?" And I said, "No, you won't."
And she won't. Because it's in all of us, this knowledge. Hell, it's in our DNA or the human race would not be here now. And I honestly believe that a lot of our problems with postpartum depression can be explained by the fact that women aren't allowed to give birth the way nature worked out so many eons ago.

So that made me sad because women don't have the slightest idea what their bodies can do. They think "why have pain?" if there's no reason. Because no one talks about the reasons. No one talks about the ecstacy which follows it. And don't even get me started on how, if you try to talk about the incredible sensuousness of holding and nursing your child you're labeled as a sicko-lacto-Nazi, trying to push your weird agenda on others.

And then Mr. Moon is going fishing this weekend. Which I want him to do. It's time for him to get his Viking genes humming, to get out on the water with men and fishing rods and forget about the stuff that happens on land. I love it when he can do that and I love it when he brings home fish meat for me to cook.
Besides, I love having time to myself. Mr. Moon is a bit worried because of the recent crime wave around here. He wanted me to ask one of the kids to come out and stay but really- what good would that do? Kathleen and Herb (my Boris, her boyfriend) have offered to come home with me after the performances we're doing this weekend, which will be our last of this play, to make sure all is well here and I love them for that and it reassures Mr. Moon. Herb used to be a Marine and I feel certain he knows how to check a perimeter.
Plus, I have the dogs. And good neighbors. And a phone to call them on or the sheriff if need be.

And my magic turtle foot.

And I'll be glad to finish up this silly Killing Mr. Withers but I'll be sad, too. I'll miss my cast mates and our directors and our jokes and making the audience laugh. I will.

And one more thing- I went with my mother to see a neurologist on Tuesday. She's been having dizziness and headaches for over a year and her GP has sent her to the ear, nose, and throat guy, the balance and hearing clinic, and she's had MRI's and nothing has helped her and she suffers, she does. She can't go out and walk or play bridge or volunteer and it's making her crazy and depressed not to mention the fact that she's always in pain.
So we went to see this guy and he was as personable as, well, I can't think of anything with less personality. A rock has more interesting features, a bucket of dirt has the potential to grow worms or weeds or something. He offered his hand to me as if he were offering a wet tissue, and before I'd had time to barely grasp his fingertips he'd withdrawn his hand entirely, taking it back for himself.
He asked the questions, he did the pin-pricks, he said, "Follow my fingers, walk with your eyes closed," etc. And Mother did it all and I have to say I was proud of her, the way she responded and passed her tests and finally he said, "Well, this is very mysterious."
And suggested she get off her Lipitor and he'll see her in six weeks.
He left the room and Mother said, "I don't like him," and I didn't either. What a jerk. Would it be asking so much to show a little human courtesy to an eighty-two year old woman who has been in pain for over a year? And what if it IS the Lipitor and her doctor has sent her on all these adventures in medicine when the side effects listed for this hugely prescribed drug include many of her symptoms?
Ah. Back to the good old American way of doing health.

Well, as you can see, my canna lilies are starting to bloom and that is a sweet part of summer. The mosquitoes may be fierce, the ground may be bone dry, the heat may be intolerable, but the canna lilies bloom on.
And I may be sad and I may be having weird dreams and the medical system may suck and the fate of the whole human race may be in peril but I don't feel crazy. Boy. Am I grateful for that.

And much more importantly, Ina May Gaskin is still delivering babies, still writing books, still changing the world one birth at a time, and women are still discovering that what our modern way of birth is doing is not only making birth less safe but is also robbing them of the rights they have when it comes to having their babies- the most important thing they'll ever do. I am very grateful to Ricki Lake and Abbie Epstein for making that movie, for shining a lot on the midwives who still exist, despite a hundred years of the medical profession trying to kill them all with innuendo, smears, and lies. Midwives who drive the dark streets of New York City, even, to get to the mothers who labor in the night to deliver their babies at home.

And the world moves on and the chickens are growing and the clothes are hanging on the line and despite the drought, it's so green, so very, very green here in Lloyd. There may be criminals roaming the woods at night, jumping the fence and stealing our stuff, there may be weird gnawed off turtle feet on Main Street and the blackberries may be drying on the bushes, but it's okay. I'm here. And I'm glad. The cannas are starting to bloom, bright yellow in the yard, and I'm glad.

25 comments:

  1. Well, I can't add much to this topic. I agree with you, even though my experiences didn't follow with what you are saying. I bonded more with my daughter-by C-section. Than with my son- no epidural. But, he was my first and I was mostly alone. So perhaps age and environment has much to do with it as well.
    BUT I have since become a pest about this one thing, I firmly believe that the reason my daughter stopped breathing after birth was b/c she wasn't birthed naturally, but by c-section. I tell every pregnant woman I know to watch for the signs of congestive lung problems (is there a word for this??) if they go the c-section route.
    Just my 2 cents. :)
    -michelle

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  2. Hey Sugar,

    So you got the saddies... It makes me sort of happy to hear you mention Sue and learn something new about her and her isms. I don't remember that one, but I do remember her saying "my feelers are hurt". Very sweet.

    Yea, the "baby biz" I hate to even voice my opinions about daycare and what it does to the child and the mother and that trust bond. It's getting so that I almost don't care if people get offended though, because I know it's right. If anyone is offended or takes it personal maybe they need to ask themselves why, why am I offended by what one person I don't even know thinks?

    I get so sick of hearing women say that dropping their six week old or 3 month old or whatever inappropriate aged child at day care was "the hardest thing they ever did!" WAH! What about the dam INFANT? Left with strangers who are in charge of up to 3 other infants! WHAT?! So wrong. It's the hardest thing they've ever had to do because it's WRONG. Their bodies minds and spirits are screaming that to them and they cannot listen. We grown into a society where we feel economically and socially FORCED to use daycare. It's wrong and it sucks. Children that are in this stage of development need to be with their mothers, period. Bonding doesn't end after a few days or whenever mom gets bored or let down after the drama/excitement of birth... then it's on to the other stuff... which can be very lonely now that we don't have villages anymore to help raise our children or keep us company while we do. Yea, daycare kids can develop alright, appear just fine, and even excel but then they grow up to need prescription drugs for anxiety and depression. And it ingrains institutionalization and conformity in all the wrong ways and too early. No wonder kids don't listen to their parents and respect them. Why the hell should they? Let's not even get started about the crap they put in formula and the fact that it tastes like shit and is expensive. Breast milk is tasty stuff. If a woman cannot breastfeed, that is understandable, but many CHOOSE not to. Not getting that.

    Let's face it, our babies are bombarded by things that are very frighting and unpleasant from practically the day they are thrust into a very new and uncomfortable world... well, compared to the safety of the womb anyway.

    Anyway, I had to get that off my chest. Thanks for the forum.

    I hope your mom feels better soon. I know she's tried a bunch stuff. She's a trooper. I hope it is the lipitor because there are lots of options for high bp. My mom's been using the same stuff for years. Can't remember what, but it's pretty tried and true for many. I'll call you later with that.

    Break a leg Natasha! I may be able to help out on Sat. I have to clear it with Marc though. He's out of town till tomorrow. Oh, btw, we'll be here if you need us to walk with you when you get home. We don't have shot guns, but we do own blunt objects! ha!

    Later,
    pf

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  3. Michelle- Environment certainly plays a huge role in it all. Ina May talks about this a lot in her newer book. And yes, the baby's lungs do not get what they need with a C-section. They need that "punishing" squeezing. Isn't it funny that when women get epidurals they forget that although they can't feel the pain anymore, the baby inside them still can.

    Ms. Fleur- Yep. Thanks for saying all of that. I'm tired of being politically correct too. We have a very, very fucked-up system here. Not only of childbirth but of not supporting the right and responsibility of parents to take care of their own babies. Family values? I spit on that.

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  4. DON'T GET ME STARTED on doctors with limp handshakes and no personal skills. AAAGGHGHGHG!

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  5. I had to get over myself a little bit to comment here. My birth and nursing experiences were NOT what I wanted them to be. And it breaks my heart to this day. These kind of posts make me feel criticized and hurt, but I know that's MY issue, and NOT what you are trying to do. Your point is to help the women who are GOING to have babies. I can't go back in time and undo my c-sections. Or the heartache I had when breastfeeding unfolded the way it did for me. I'll probably just post more of my story on my own site, maybe as the flip side to your stories, a warning even to other mothers.

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  6. Ms. Jo- I know you know.

    Steph- This is NOT meant to be critical of women themselves but of the SYSTEM which has come about and taken control of our bodies, our births, our minds. That has told us we are NOT capable of making good choices for ourselves and our babies. That has told us we are CRIMINAL if we want that. That has taught women they are not capable of doing what women are doing all over the world at this very moment, have done forever. That has made it so that a woman does not even know she has choices. Does not even know there is an alternative which isn't completely ridiculous, life-threatening and hippie-granola. HAS NO IDEA! Doctors will tell you, "Sure. Bring in your birth plan." And then, when you get into THEIR INSTITUTIONS, you are completely overwhelmed with their protocol, their Big Knowledge, their warnings and threats (some subtle, some not so) that you completely abandon all hope of having any sort of birth plan at all except to get through this and have a baby. By their rules, their procedures.
    Hell, no, I am not being critical of you. I am wishing desperately that women knew the truth- that all of our medical technology is not nearly as good as they say it is and that as we throw more and more technology onto technology (none of it proven to create better outcomes for mothers and babies) there are more problems and our infant mortality rate is the second lowest in developed nations.
    In some instances there is a need for medical intervention- of course there is! and thank god it's there when we need it. But it has become not something to be used when the natural system breaks down but to be used every time which in turn, simply causes more problems which require drastic interventions.
    And not every woman can nurse. I know that. But the fact of the matter is, we are taught that it's not really worth worrying about. We're not given the support to try and make it work.
    Okay. I could go on for days. They could do a five-hour documentary movie of me alone, spouting off.
    But please know that I am certain, in the very depths of my heart, that you did what needed to be done for you and your babies.
    I know your heart by now. And it is pure.

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  7. I actually got a great deal of support through Kaiser's Lactation department, whatever the hell they call it. I had met 2 of their specialist, one I loved dearly (reminds me of you actually) and one that was HARSH. I insisted on working with the first one. She sat with me, helped me with holding positions, recommended teas and oral supplements for me, set me up with an on-the-tit supplement feeder for the baby. There isn't one part of that process I regret. At least with my son. With my daughter I was young, scared, stupid and TIRED and I gave up too quickly. That's why I wanted it to work so very badly the second time around, 10 years later.

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  8. Sorry Steph,

    I really did not mean to criticize any individual as all of our stories are different. Miss Moon can tell you my birth did not play out as I'd have liked it too. The hospital (just doing their jobs) used a lot of unnecessary fear tactics while I was in full blown labor to get my "cooperation".

    As Ms Moon said, it's our system and the idea that we feel we have no choices ... and sometimes, we don't. Other times we just don't want to make the compromises. We've been struggling ever since Harley's birth to make ends meet. I get looks and attitude from all sorts of folks that imply or say: "ah, go back to work..!" As though I'm lazy for wanting to raise my own son. I just tell them that I am busy raising my boy to work right now. Gulp. And hope we make it to the next month. But the truth is, even if the worst happened and we had to live off credit, declare bankruptcy and lost our home.... it would be hard, but you know what? We'd move in with family, research different social programs and networks and patch up our financial lives. Kids don't know or care if they have stuff... only that we are there for them and together... so believe me, this may be coming out all wrong, but I do understand about feeling criticized... That is not my intent.

    The anger you are seeing in my words is because I feel like we've all painted ourselves into a corner with this stuff, and everyone is afraid to speak. I
    AM angry. I'm angry on behalf of the infants with no voice. On a largely fear driven male dominant society that is really into money and the "business" of things and health care workers who use our love for our children to harbor doubt in our abilities to make choices that don't concur with theirs...

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  9. I know that I tend to be over-sensitive on these topics and that I am acting on the disappointment I have within me when these conversations trigger these feelings. It's a good conversation to have. Very important.

    And while the first c-section I had was sufficiently justified, the second really wasn't. I let myself down by going along with that one. 'Nuff about me. I know you were talking about the system, but I only know the system from my experiences.

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  10. my mom had all of us all natural (no epidural, no nothing) and i hope i can do the same! it's certainly my intentions when i do have babies.

    and this comment "And yes, the baby's lungs do not get what they need with a C-section. They need that "punishing" squeezing." i have always wondered about this. reminds me of the butterfly story (the caterpillar was in the cacoon and about to come out but someone cut it and let it out b/c it was struggling so hard to get out and going nowhere. but once let out, the wings never developed and it never could fly. supposedly the butterfly NEEDS to go through the squeeze/stress of getting out of the cacoon so it's wings can properly be prepared/develop/ whatever it is they need to do to open up). I kinda figure whatever happens naturally is pretty necessary for babies and I hope we don't see repurcussions of all these children's immune systems down the road...

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  11. I have had five births total, and none of them were the way I WANTED them to be. The last two, Sam and Owen, were better because I knew more and was a lot stronger and could say, "This is what I want done." I had an unneceesary C-Section with Hannah-unnecessary because the doctor did not believe me when I told him I knew I was due three weeks before HE said I was. Unnecessary because I walked around at 4 cm. dilated for three weeks and he wouldn't even conssider helping me along. Unneccessary because had she not been allowed to keep growing and drying up, I could have popped her right on out-and I was 20 years old and scared. I then went on to birth four more children vaginally, and very successfully I might add. With Owen, because of my age (what a terrible thing to say out loud!)and a first-trimester tear in my uterus (and was that scary or what!) and a previous Section, the only stipulation that my doc gave me was that I have an epidural in case I had to have en emergency section. That was it. The rst was up to ME, because he knew that I knew what I was doing. And I did it, and when the cord got wrapped around the baby's neck and the doc said "Oh hey now, this is getting dicey" and I said wait, I can DO this and two pushes later there was The Boy? THAT is victory. I agree with the fact that the system is TERRIBLE and that we have had taken away our right to understand and know our own bodies and trust the process-in my case, I was very, very lucky in that I had a doctor who gave me the best of both worlds.

    Now. On to Petit Fleur's comments about daycare. While I understand where she is coming from, I also think that she is being extremely judgemental. Some of us, a LOT of us, truly do not have a choice BUT to work. Most moms I know don't WANT to have to leave their tiny babies with someone else; they HAVE to. No matter how frugally one lives, the average American couple needs two incomes. Period. Now, this could easily be atrributed to mothers being selfish and the families living beyond their means, OR it could be attributed to a society who chooses not to honor mother-child bonds, a nation who blatantly ignores those most vulnerable and helpless by NOT federally mandating paid maternity leave for 12 weeks and unpaid for up to 12 months. It can be attributed to the fact that we are a nation who is by and large greedy and power hungry, which causes us to be unable to live without that income no matter how much we want to. It should NOT be atrributed to mothers and/or fathers simply not giving a fuck and abandoning their children amongst strangers.

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  12. We are fortunate up here to have socialized medicine and even more fortunate that woman are able to choose either registered midwife OR doctor for the pre, post , and during birth care....women can choose to have a hospital birth (attended by either dr or midwife) or (if a low risk pregnancy like most are) she can choose a home birth...I have experienced both natural hospital and home births (all attended by midwives)....having safe qualified options should always be a given

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  13. Here is a very short version of my story (and honestly I can't believe I am posting this anywhere because it is personal, very personal and I somehow feel like a bad mother when I just think it). I have two children Case a boy turned 18 last week and Hope a girl will be 11 in a month. When I had Case, I was scared, I had no idea what I was doing and was reading every book I could about birth. I did whatever the doctor told me. I told them from the 1st visit that I wanted to have a natural birth but the doc changed his mind during my delivery and decided to give me drugs, to help with pain, without asking me (I did deliver natural but I was f****d up, like you would not believe). It slowed everything down and that meant they gave me more drugs to speed everything up. Well when he was born... I never felt like I bonded with him. Don't get me wrong I LOVE HIM, I do, with everything I am but there was something missing. I was told NOT to breast feed him because formula was better.
    Then along came Hope. I chose a midwife and she made me feel comfortable, calmed me. I had no fear this time because I felt like my midwife was there for both me and the baby. She told me what was happening and why (unlike the doctor that didn't even bother to tell me that he had decided to give me drugs and an episiotomy). I had her without drugs and I breast fed. It was amazing. We are the best of friends. I don't know of the book or people you mentioned in your post but the theory (or fact as it may be) sounds like it makes 100% sense to me. I am the same person. I love my children equally however I feel a bond to Hope that I don't with Casey. Knowing that there could actually be a reason for that is very comforting (although I could be off base as I did have him vaginally but with lots of drugs)

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  14. "To be sane in a mad time is bad for the brain, worse for the heart."

    --Wendell Berry

    You are not alone, Ms. Moon. This quote hung on my refrigerator from the War in Iraq all through the Bush presidency. It gave me comfort. I hope it comforts you as well.

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  15. Sarah- Thank-you so much for posting that story. I think you are right- you AND your son were full of drugs at birth. Drugs you did not ask for. And even if you had- I am telling you- if I had not delivered at home where drugs were not available, I would have BEGGED for them. Labor is unbelievably hard. Which is why, we when get through it, we are so changed.
    I am so glad you got to experience birth with a midwife. Completely different experience.
    Thank you again for sharing and please- quit feeling like a bad mommy. We all do at times, but it serves no purpose when it's for something we can't go back and change and especially when it was something that was not our fault in the first place.

    Ms. Bastard- Thank-you. I have felt insane for many, many years, I'll tell you. And watching that movie yesterday, which just verified everything I've thought and witnessed and learned, made me feel a bit less insane.

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  16. such a good documentary! i cried. cuz i just think birth is so beautiful. and i tell all my pregnant friends that they must watch it.

    what we dont know, truly can and is harming us

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  17. First Cher, now this!

    I agree with all of you in one way or another. About birth, about mothering, about women...

    I am a mom who works full time but both of my parents are retired and live on the back of the property. They've cared for the children in lieu of daycare. It's the best set-up imaginable for us. I birthed all of those babies vaginally in a hospital setting. One after 42 hours, one precipitately before the doc got there and the last one, as close to "just right" as you can get just this side of home. Two were drug-free births but the first was not. I wasn't able to use a midwife because I had Medicaid.

    Some of the above was just how I wanted it and some not. What can I do? Love my babies. They can't help how they got in me and they can't help how they got out. I'm just very, very glad they did.

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  18. Learner and Ms. Trouble- Amen.

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  19. I LOVE that your daughter is becoming a midwife. That is so fitting and wonderful. Such a noble profession.

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  20. Ms. Moon - can you come up in July and be with me in delivery?!?!?! LOL...

    I agree that the system is broken, and that our patriarchial society has convinced us women that we NEED all of the interventions and such to be TRULY safe in childbirth, and has knowingly blinded us to the TRUE nature of childbirth, and made us forget that women have been doing this for thousands of years.

    At the same time, I have reason to be thankful for the AVAILABILITY of the medical advances, as after I birthed my son I was hemmoraging, and had it been hundreds of years ago, very well may have died. I didn't realize it at the time, but it was a very serious situation.

    I know that no one is trying to judge. I work full time, and at times I wish I was home with my child(ren). My son is cared for by my husbands cousin in a small home daycare situation, and for that I am thankful. He does love going there, and he loves his daycare lady, he tells me so, although there are days that he would rather stay home with his mommy, and days that I would much rather stay home with him. We do the best we can...I agree with Kori in that even as a married couple, we live in a society that has sold us on the all wonderful "American Dream", which is by no means attainable on one mid range income (or even two sometimes)...at least not the "American Dream" that I have been sold on for the entire 30 years of my life. I won't get into how much I am coming around to believe that "Dream" I was sold on is so DEEPLY flawed. But alas, I grew up picturing my life based on that 'dream'...My mindset is changing, slowly, and as it does, and as my priorities shift, my life will shift. But I weigh ALL of the important things, and we feel that for right now, our situation is what works for us. And I do not feel guilty for my choices.

    I don't know where that went totally, but that is where your post took my train of thought.

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  21. Lady Lemon- And one that requires lots of sleep deprivation which is probably why I am not one.

    Just Me- Ah. I'd love to come and tell you what a good job you're doing in labor! It's been a while since I've done that.
    And you know what? I always bleed too much after delivery too and my midwife just had the methergine ready in the syringe. I've been at births where there was post-partum hemorrhage and only once was a transport to the hospital required. Serious manipulation of the uterus, plus breastfeeding plus methergine usually gets things back in order. BUT, it's scary.

    Kori- I just have to say you are a tremendously strong woman and also that you are a very lucky woman to have found that doc. They hardly ever agree to V-Backs which sucks, sucks, sucks. And you know what? Many, many babies are born with the cord around their neck. Sometimes it is a dangerous situation, mostly it is not. But people always ask, "But what do you do if the cord is wrapped around the neck?" when you say you're having a home birth. As if only doctors had the magical power to deal with such things.

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  22. Just Me- I only wanted to add that again, being a hippie came in handy. American Dream? We invented a new one. Unfortunately, it seems to have gotten lost in the shuffle. Not for everyone. I mean, hell- where would this country be without all the rabid consumers?
    Oh yeah. Not in this sort of financial trouble.
    Another post.
    Sigh

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  23. Although I do not consider myself a 'rabid' consumer (we didn't overextend ourselves as much as so many I know...credit card wise, mortgage wise, etc, but we would definitely be in a pinch on my income alone, and/or if I could not find work that pays just as much as what I am making now) I definitely hate how much of a hold the mentality has on me...how well 'they' ingrained it in me in the last 30 years, and how hard it is to work your way backward from that. And partly I blame myself; that I am not strong enough to just walk away from it in one swift move. That I am not just strong enough to give up enough of what it would take for us to live on my husbands income (if he even had any - being laid off from the home building industry, which has been so bloated over the past decade by the exact rabid consumerism we are talking about and which is, at least IMHO, unsustainable at the level it was at, and will never be strong enough to re-employ all the people in my husbands situation) so that I could stay home with my kids...although I do not feel the world of daycare is quite the evil that some do, as I have a wonderful set up. And I don't feel like I look for extravagence in life...

    Also for another post, but which also pertains, and is an interesting topic to me is the feminist movement and how THAT has affected my mentality, and the thought that we can 'have it all' which to me meant I could have a big powerful career AND a family...Can we really? I was told that I can do anything, be anything...that I can be a powerful woman who goes out into the corporate world and has a big career and all...but somewhere in there, all the beauty that is motherhood got lost...I am rambling...and not that I would WANT to be in a subservient postion to any man (my husband and I are PARTNERS, EQUALS), and that is part of the problem TOO, that in my mind, the idea of staying at home with the kids would somehow make me less of a powerful woman, and somehow put me in a position of subservience...but that needn't be the case, need it?

    Here I go again, rambling on in your comment section ;0) I know you are okay with it though, and this is a very interesting topic to me that I have been working through on a personal level since becoming a mother 2 years ago...

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  24. JustMe- I think all women with children go through what you are going through. If you stay home, you are "wasting" your skills and talents and giving up the satisfaction of doing a job that makes you feel good and brings in money. If you go to work, you feel that you're perhaps not doing the best you could for your children. I do not know how this issue gets resolved although like everything else, we all muddle through it, doing the best we can under our own particular set of circumstances.

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  25. Just wanted to let you know I finally got to watch 'The Business of Being Born' this weekend. What a great movie. There's another, supposedly similar movie called Pregnant in America (not nearly as good from what I've read, but I'd still like to see it)...

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Tell me, sweeties. Tell me what you think.