I have no idea why I'm putting that iris there except that it's blooming and it's pretty and frankly, I am amazed to see it because I have no memory at all of planting it.Which is not surprising, I barely have any memory these days at all.
What is surprising is that I discovered yesterday that I have a deep vein of anger within me that generally goes untouched and undisturbed and like some underground river which is never tapped, mostly goes on undetected, flowing as it does without bothering me.
But yesterday, it was tapped.
Oh baby. It was tapped.
And I'm not going to go into it because it's such a silly thing but somehow something happened that made me fairly seethe with anger. I will say it has nothing to do with a family member. It was someone whom I really don't know that well at all.
And the situation is being taken care of but I have not personally confronted the person who caused me to be so angry (or perhaps it would be more accurate to say who triggered the anger reaction within me) and I was wondering- do you?
When someone or something makes you so angry you want to strike out, do you?
Or do you, like me, just silently seethe or talk to a friend about it and never confront?
I know why I don't confront. I just wish I could.
So what do you do? Tell me baby. What do you do when your soul feels like it has a million buzzing, stinging bees in it?
Do you confront or do you think about the Lotus (or the Iris), touch your middle fingers to your thumbs in circles and chant "ommmm" until the anger goes away?
And really, all of this is a moot point, because with my memory, by this time next week, I'll have forgotten the entire incident, the bees will have disappeared, and I will be my own normal, generally tolerant self.
Maybe. Actually, probably not. I'll probably still be pissed, lying awake at night considering one version of a tongue-lashing after another.
In the meantime, do you face your angers square on and deal with them and then just mop up?
Tell me how because I feel like if I ever did that, either the world or my head would explode. And I know that's not true. I'm not that important. I'm just me. Angry me.
Who for the moment is staying away from sharp objects.
The ONLY person I'm good at confronting when I'm angry at him is my husband. Other people I tend to avoid, cool down and move on. Isn't my hubs lucky? :P
ReplyDeleteSteph- Well, I would say me too but it's not really confronting what I do with my anger with my husband. It's more like an inappropriate explosion. Yes, my husband is lucky too.
ReplyDeleteUm, well...I don't feel especially angry inside. But I DO have a tendency toward paranoia. Which led me to ask myself f it was ME that made you angry. You DID say the person was not family and you don't know them very well...That's my brand of crazy and I would appreciate it very much if you would just add a disclaimer to every blog entry that doesn't apply to me.
ReplyDeleteI usually put up with the offense or offender until I feel I've done my best to "deal" with or remedy whatever it is and if I'm still angry, I cut them loose and tell them why I am doing it. But, once...just once, I had a high fever and went shopping out of absolute necessity for Easter candy. I asked some very chatty employees to move out of my way so that I could reach to put back the WRONG candy and get the RIGHT candy. They ignored me and continued talking and blocking my way so I threw said bag of wrong candy in their general direction and it happened to hit one of them on the head. Then I burst into tears and ran out of the store.
So, don't follow my example...
First let me say that I'm Italian, anger is in our DNA. Any aggravating outside stimuli is just a great reason to let it out! (gravy as they say) What you are describing in this post is the reason (in my opinion) that The Sopranos, and more importantly, Tony S., was so popular despite the dysfunction and violence. There is something very satisfying about the idea of letting the person who you are angry with know that in no uncertain terms and then, having the wits and/or power to solve the issue in your favor. The kicker is that as a culture, we have been conditioned NOT to. (Shit, you can get sued for looking at someone sideways anymore thanks to the ever growing population of attorneys)
ReplyDeleteMe? I'm learning to be more direct when I feel disrespected, just by asking simple question(s). The stuff that is targeted to get me angry, or that I feel is just over the top, honestly down not get to me. I'm not near where I want to be yet, but it's like anything... practice, practice, practice!
Good luck!
PS I Love the candy story by ATT. I actually cackled out loud! I just wish it hadn't made her cry.
Well, after reading my blog recently, you KNOW what pisses me off. I am more of a seether/plotter when angry. I prefer a well thought out revenge to a quick explosion.
ReplyDeleteI haven't got a handle on it either. I usually tend to not say what I mean to in the minute, especially if the person is someone I do not know. I also (with those I do know) have the tendency to bottle in up in the moment until I reach a point of no return, and then I explode and say something meaner than what was being said to me. Which makes me feel way worse than if I could have just shut up.
ReplyDeleteI have to say I also really enjoyed ATTs tale. I could see myself doing such a thing.
I find it incredibly hard to confront some people, yet have no trouble at all confronting others. I don't know why that is. There have been many nights where I've lain in bed, thinking of the words I would say, exactly what would drive my point across. Then I never say them. Sometimes I just write about it and feel better, other times, that gets me into more trouble...
ReplyDeleteOh, this just seems all wrong.
ReplyDeleteLike clouds when the forecast was nice.
in the past i had a tendancy to stuff my anger. to pretend it didnt bother me. but eventually, something minor would set me over and all that anger would come out, over a seemingly small thing. so now, i write. when i get angry or frustrated, i have to vent. no more stuffing for me. ill stop what im doing, and write. not for others to see. but just for me. because it needs to come out. and i dont want it to come out to other people, especially if i say or do something that harms them (physically or emotionally) and brings me regret.
ReplyDeletei never thought i was an angry person. until i visited my family this past holiday season. and then it just hit me. that i had that same characteristic within myself that i so hated in them. anger.
and so i decided i wasnt going to let it control me or come out in negative unhealthy ways.
so now i write. and its wonderful. i can be irrational and crazy and swear and say mean things... all in the comfort of cyberspace (that no one else ever sees of course).
often writing is enough, and working through my own frustrations brings me to a place of peace. but sometimes peace also requires confrontation. and this is the part i feel like im working on currently. asserting myself and confidently believing that my feelings are valid. im learning the importance of speaking up. its beneficial for myself and others, i believe.
All This Trouble- Oh. Bless your heart. Well, those employees deserved it.
ReplyDeleteAnd no, honey. I am not mad at you. Nor will I ever be unless you call me bad names. And even then, if I deserve them, it'll be okay.
Petit Fleur- I think anger is in all our DNA's. But I agree with your Tony Soprano supposition.
Rachel- Ah. I wish I were good at revenge. I'm not though. I just figure that eventually things will get worked out. Or not.
Lady Lemon- Perhaps we all need anger management classes. Not because we're too angry but because we don't know how to deal with it in a timely and appropriate fashion which leads to messy explosions.
Ginger- Sounds very familiar.
XBox- No. All is well now. Clouds all gone.
Learner- I liked all of what you wrote but I think especially the part about learning to speak up. You are a very, very wise woman.
I put up with a lot of crap, before I finally get angry. I'm probably giving myself an ulcer or something. I'm usually afraid to get angry because I'm afraid people won't like me if I do. Well, surprise, surpise - they don't like me anyway.
ReplyDeleteLast week a co-worker got on my last nerve and I had to have a talk with my boss about him. The boss was very concerned, called the co-worker in and talked to him longer than he had talked to me, and the co-worker actually apologized to me for being 'terse,' - he was actually rude, but admitting he had been 'terse' with me was a start.
I get fucking frustratedly furious.
ReplyDeleteI was pissed off about someone the other night. I constantly replay things and what I should have said.
So I spilled all my thoughts onto paper and I'm able to leave it behind as if I've actually addressed it.
In your case, maybe you need to do that with the old anger.
It's injustice that gets to me. Of any sort.
But it does seem you can do effective work with a chair. Not the real people. But even that takes guts and preparation I suppose.
MOB- You know what? I just remembered that I HAD an ulcer when I was all of nineteen. Hmmmm.
ReplyDeleteBut there- you see? You dealt with your anger appropriately and it led to some better outcome.
Yay for you!
Ms. Jo- Good ideas. Very good ideas. And actually, I have sort of started handling it. I did confront!
I confront when doing so will help the situation. Passive-aggressive people just don't get it, you know? So why bother?
ReplyDeleteYou confronted...?!!! Good for you! Doesn't it feel great to do that? I am just learning and whenever don't just let something slide, I give myself an "atta girl!"
ReplyDeleteAtta girl Ms. Moon!
Wow. Just-wow. No answers here, other than that for me (and this is JUST for me), I have had to learn how to control my anger, because in the last 6 months that deep vein has been tapped and there is no plugging up that torrent. I write. I walk. I chhose who to vent to (generally the public at large), I have two good friends and a sometimes lover who know that it is just anger in general and they love me anyway, and sometimes? Sometimes I lash out and mop up.
ReplyDelete