Am I the luckiest woman in the world?
You bet.
These were in a box from Linda Sue that arrived in the mail for me today. The box was literally gift-wrapped and when Keisha retrieved it from the back for me today she said, "What a beautiful box!"
I agreed whole heartedly.
I brought the box home and opened it up and there were a few sweet things at the top and then...
When I discovered first the three pieces of bark cloth (look at those colors and patterns!) and then the Seminole dolls, I screamed OH MY GOD! over and over until, like I told Linda Sue in an email, my neighbors probably thought I was having a very satisfying sexual experience on the back porch.
I am beside myself. I kissed each of the dolls and put them on the vanity in my room with the others I have. Practically an entire village of Seminole women now! I have carefully folded the fabric and put it back in the box for this moment until I decide what I am going to do with it. Whatever I do with it, it's going to beautify my house. It just looks so right here.
The rest of my day has not been nearly as exciting. In fact, I've felt a bit flat. I have to go to a "wellness check-up" on Wednesday with my doctor because of a Medicare requirement. I had been given forms to fill out and this is how insane I am about going to a doctor- the thought of just filling them out has been haunting me for weeks. Sometimes I think I must have been in some way abused by a doctor as a child because I can think of no other reason to be this way. It almost all boils down to the fact that I don't want to share my most intimate body secrets with anyone and doctors get to judge my bodily fluids and their numbers and all that stuff and I do not like it. It's so invasive. I honestly would rather have a GYN appointment than get the results of a blood test.
Just talking about it makes me crazy. My insides, including my blood, are mine and no one else's and if I die I die.
Ahhhhmen.
Ugh. So. There is that.
Mr. Moon had gone to town to work on Moon Plaza and he'd texted me that a guy in St. Mark's was selling stone crab claws down there and would I like to go with him to buy some and get lunch?
I did. Very much. So I was looking forward to that for a few hours and then Mr. Moon got home and told me that Crab Man had not answered his call and so it would probably be a waste of time to go all the way to St. Marks but he'd be glad to take me to lunch somewhere else. I sighed and said, "We have leftovers we should eat," and that's what we did and it was somehow disappointing but that was on me.
And I don't know. It was just one of those days. I felt so tired this afternoon that I actually thought about taking a nap but didn't. I watched a few videos on how to center clay on a wheel. I need help there. I mean, one class was not enough to educate me and I feel so inadequate with the clay and the wheel and the supplies and tools that you need. Tomorrow is pottery class day and so I'll be getting up early and going to town and I'm sure it'll be fun because no matter what, being with Jessie is always a sweet time.
Maybe the whole election thing is really sinking in despite all my efforts to at least keep a distance between myself and the horrible possible realities of it. I left a comment on Ellen's post today about how it's taken me this long to realize that not only does Trump have no guard rails protecting our democracy from his twisted goals, he also has no need whatsoever to please or not offend anyone because he cannot run again. Unless, of course, he does away with the Constitution and I would not even put that past him. But as it stands, he could not care less if he pisses off Unions and farmers and women and people of color and- oh, let's face it- anyone who is not white, male, cis-gendered, and financially successful. The richer the better, too because they are the ones who can give him money and lots and lots of it so that he will make sure that they can get even richer than they are now.
I just got out of a community meeting on zoom, statewide, full of resistance plans and upcoming actions, State and fed. It was heartening to be in the space with dozens of experienced organizer people who know how to make their presence felt and have a track record. It kept depression and fear at bay.
ReplyDeleteAnd the dolls are lovely!
One of my biggest faults is that I am not a naturally optimistic person. I wish I were. I think I would be a lot happier and probably correct about outcomes at least as often as I am now.
DeleteThe next four years will be quite a ride. Keep your wits about you. He's getting so crazy I'm wondering if he will self destruct. That would be fun, if the residual weren't Vance.
ReplyDeleteYeah. The problem of course, is not just Vance but the entire kitchen cabinet full of roaches. They have been revealed like roaches when the lights turn on and are scattering everywhere, spreading their filth and disease as they go.
Deletewell....your bark cloth and gift package.....lovely roses, and thoughts of *centering* in pottery class tomorrow will hopefully help bring some happy and positive energy! Goodness knows we all need some of that!
ReplyDeleteSusan M
I don't think that it's really possible for me right now to have much in the way of happy or positive anything. But yes, it would be nice for all of us if energy worked like that. And maybe it does, just not for me.
DeleteI have that same damn meeting on Wednesday (for the first time). I did finally do the paperwork and they will see immediately I am a crazy person. I wrote explanations on the yes no questions. Are you sleeping, NO (not since the election) Are you depressed YES (since the election) Are you fearful (YES starting Nov 6) etc. It should be interesting.
ReplyDeleteOh, that's so funny! Both of us on the same day. I sort of got pissed off about the questions. First of all- why is it the government's business if I am depressed? Secondly, the questions are so broad.
DeleteWell, here we are and of course we will go through it.
I love the Seminole Women! And Linda Sue for sending that delightful package to you.
ReplyDeleteI'm still hoping for that fatal heart attack or brain aneurysm for you know who before he takes office.
I love the Seminole ladies too. They make me so happy. Linda Sue is just a joy and a love.
DeleteI used to hope for the fatal heart attack more than I do now because...President Vance? God help us. Plus, the people who are pulling Trump's strings are very much alive.
Precisely the problem. Vance is worse because he’s smart. Margaret
DeleteThank the godesses for late-blooming roses!
ReplyDeleteSeriously.
DeleteWhat a lovely gift from Linda Sue! I had a blood test this morning but it didn't bother me at all. I do sometimes wonder when I am refilling my pill boxes, "what if I just stop taking all of these pills?" Should I just let my body do whatever it will do without interfering? But then I fill the boxes and take the pills...
ReplyDeleteEllen- I have those same thoughts. If some of my pills weren't for depression and anxiety I might be more inclined to follow the idea.
DeleteI do love the bark cloth, it's so retro. when we bought the house next door when we lived in the city they had enclosed the front porch and put ugly carpet down. the first thing I did was pull that shit up and underneath was old and cracked and broken in places 40s roll linoleum with the most wonder retro design very similar to the bark cloth you just received. I loved it!
ReplyDeleteI don't mind the medical tests. what I do mind and am sick of right now is that there have been so many this year! and still not fucking done. teeth cleaning tomorrow and the mammo and ultrasound on my boobs Thursday. nothing scheduled for December and I hope it stays that way.
Lovely gifts from Linda Sue! You have a great friendship.
ReplyDeleteThe times are not ideal.
There are important counter movements in each State.
Do whatever it takes to maintain health and life balance. Family and friends are key.
What good have counter movements done in Florida? We are already almost under a dictatorship in this state. We've banned more books than anyone else, we have a surgeon general who doesn't believe in vaccines, and development and climate change is indeed changing our state to a non-habitable one and the answer is to ban the use of the term "climate change" in official writing. I won't even get into what they're trying to do to women and the queer community. And on top of it all, DJT lives in Florida. I just feel so fucked.
DeleteI am trying though, to be with friends and family as much as I can.
I'm less worried about Trump trying to please rich people -- because every politician does that -- than I am about him trying to please evangelical Christians. If he were younger I'd be worried about him trying to rig the system for a third term, but I just can't see that happening at his age.
ReplyDeleteYour feelings about blood tests are the exact opposite of mine. I love getting all the information that a medical test provides. In my case it's always been reassurance -- so far, anyway -- but maybe my attitude will change as I get older and the likelihood grows that something will go wrong.
Linda Sue is the best! I still treasure my Linda Sue barkcloth.
I feel your pain! I live in Alabama and we have it just about as bad as you. It just feels hopeless!
ReplyDeleteLinda from Alabama
Crab for lunch, new dolls, roses. That's good news in this crazy world. We'll keep carrying on, I suppose.
ReplyDelete