I woke up this morning totally unfit for human company. I kissed my husband who almost always gets up before me, and he asked how I was doing.
"Suck," I said. It was all I could get out without bursting into tears.
And I have no idea why. Just terrible anxiety trying to swallow me like a snake in the hen house trying to swallow an egg, slowly, cruelly, and with slick determination. It was one of those mornings where I laid in bed for a long time wondering why on earth I should get up. What was the point? Then again, what was the point of laying in bed?
Jessie texted to see if I wanted to go to Lake Hall or to the Wacissa.
"I don't know," I texted back. "You decide what you want to do and just let me know."
She finally decided just to take the boys to the library and for a bike ride around the little pond/lake nearby but asked if I would like to meet them for lunch.
Oh god. Sure, sure. Why not?
I decided to get my shopping done while I was in town and I went to Costco first. I was quite happily surprised to see so many people still wearing masks although they are not required now if you have been vaccinated. Of course- the problem with that seems to me to be that the very people who never wanted to wear masks in the first place are the same people who are refusing to get immunized because they don't want Bill Gates living up their ass or in their bloodstream or something and I would not put it past many of these people to just go maskless with the hope that no one challenges them on proof of vaccination.
Call me cynical.
But, I'd say that over ninety percent of the shoppers in Costco were wearing masks and somehow, that was heartening. Leon County, where the Costco is, has quite a high rate of vaccinated people so I feel certain that many of those wearing masks were immunized but were choosing to still protect themselves and others with that extra added bit of safety. As was I. Although in a way, I wonder if there's really a need. If I trusted the CDC when they told me that I needed a mask, shouldn't I trust them now when they say I don't?
It's...complicated, isn't it?
The restaurant where I was to meet Jessie and the boys was right next to Costco and she had a few things to return there so after I finished my shopping she met me and I stayed with the boys in their car while she ran in. We read a book while we waited.
I think Jessie is too.
"Gibson broke his wrist!" she said.
So between seeing two of my children and two of my grandchildren and finding a treasure, I am feeling much less anxious and morose.
Being a mother is hard whether the babies come from eggs or wombs. You can quote me on that.