That was the sky through the pecan leaves this morning. The color was that blue and true, the green that new.
I needed something so clear and sharp this morning to bring me back to this place and time and life. I slept late and had dreams that caused the tears to spill down my face while I sipped my coffee. Some of the dream was as tender and beautiful as anything I've ever dreamed. Some of it was like a peek into what my life would be like in a parallel universe if I had made that choice and not this one, had become that woman and not the one I think I am.
Perhaps we really do contain multitudes and even the dream women are me, whether I know it or not.
The tender part involved seeing Chloe. I was in Cozumel and suddenly- there she was. I find it fascinating how our brains work things out for us as they tell these stories, both the ones we want to hear, and the ones we don't. Chloe was as surprised to see me as I was to see her but we got over the shock immediately and we hugged so tightly and for so long. It turned out that she had faked her death to move to Mexico and leave the craziness of this country behind and although she did not want her deception to be known, she was as glad to see me as I was to see her.
And then she braided my hair.
That is the part of the dream that broke my heart. As a mutual friend of ours said, she was an earth mother. And that is exactly what she represented to me.
There was so much more to it all, the parts where I had stepped into a rapidly flowing tributary of what is perhaps the matrix.
Who knows? Not me.
But I have been emotional all day long.
I did my part for the Owen-Boppy adventure by making cookies for them to take. I saved a few back because Jessie was going to bring out her boys for a little while. And she did. And they spied those cookies right off. We had a very nice visit. I was slowly getting it together to make mulberry preserves while they were here. I got out my jars and canning kettle, the jar lifter, the canning funnel. I measured out my mulberries- twenty cups! I added almost all the sugar I had and set it all to cook very, very slowly in my big jam pan while I sterilized my jars. I grated in lemon peel and squeezed a little of the juice in and cooked it down for awhile. This time I added two packets of liquid pectin and I am not seeing any signs that those preserves are going to gel at all but we shall see. I probably didn't add nearly enough sugar and not enough of the pectin either.
But while all of this was going on the boys were playing and we were all cracking jokes and there was some lunch eating although as I think about it, I never did really eat lunch. This is a first for sure.
"I know..." they say, when they give their testimony in church. And when people lose their faith, one of the things they discover is that people from all religions have their spirits overwhelmed. Even atheists feel this. It is not an emotion confined to Mormons, it is a human emotion.
I've felt that today myself. And of course I have no need to attribute it to a god or a belief or a religion but simply (amazingly) to what is here before me, around me, within me. No need to worship a creator but a deep need to be able to take it all within me with deep love and appreciation for what is here.
In my last dream this morning I was searching for the organist that was practicing and I still remember the pictures in my mind. It has given me a wonderful feeling all day. I took organ in college and got to practice on some wonderful big ones.ReplyDelete
Deep Love is a form of Worship, Nature is so worthy of our Love and Appreciation and the Best Temple to spend time in. Hope the Fishing Trip went spectacularly, what a great Bonding time for the Guys. The Wild Geese and Wild Ducks all have their fuzzy little ones out on the Ponds and Lakes now, it's adorable and the best part of Spring, the Rebirth and Renewal.ReplyDelete
I agree with all of this, Ms. B. Love is a form of worship without a doubt. The good kind of worship, not the pleading-for-something sort. I think the guys had a good time. They're headed back now.Delete
Is there anything cuter than baby ducks and chicks?
Whether Owen is the best new fisherman ever, or just a new fisherman, he and grandpa will have the best day ever.ReplyDelete
They surely enjoyed it.Delete
your dream interesting to say the least. I also dreamed of a dear friend last night...one who has been gone for 10 years..... started my day on a very reflective note, to say the least. Your bluest EVER sky, green leaves......and that blanket/sheet on your line pretending to be a stained glass window....... that alone will fill your eyes up for one dayReplyDelete
It was such a reflective day for me too. In many ways. I was so grateful for it.Delete
Would you believe that was a napkin?
It must have been a night for dreams. Mine was that my brother, now long gone, and a woman I know in rl, who don't know each other, showed up unexpectedly at my house as a couple expecting dinner. I gave them all the food I had, and the brother complained it wasn't enough. I woke up totally embarrassed! Took a while before I realized it was a dream. I rarely remember dreams long enough to tell them! I expect it means something.ReplyDelete
Was your brother a complainer in real life? I can't imagine what that means. But interesting.
Such beautiful reflective post.ReplyDelete
Thank you, sweetie.Delete
This post is dreamy, I love dreamworld when it holds sweet truths, and we step right over into the allness of everything- no barrier. "Brought to you by the Owsley I dropped that one time". Dreams - messengers, I reckon. The blanket on the line in the sunshine just slapped me silly with its incredible color and light, wow . So glad you noticed that, how could you not! Certainly made my day! XxReplyDelete
When I took that picture (and it's a napkin!) I thought, "This is so silly." But it was beautiful with the sun coming through it.Delete
I never think about the acid we took affecting our dreams now. I'm still waiting for the promised flashbacks...
There's this medium in Scotland who works with the spiritualist church, who says he's seen dead people since he was a child... of course he's been criticised, but I find his take on life after death fairly comforting. He says that when you dream of lost loved ones, and it's all nice, and feels good and right, that is them. Your dream certainly sounds like a very real meeting - it sounds so right.ReplyDelete
That's sweet but I can't imagine that with all of Chloe's children and grandchildren she would take the time to come and comfort me.Delete
Maybe. We do not know. NO ONE has ever come back from the dead, really and truly, to tell us.
Your last line is good motto for life ...No need to worship a creator but a deep need to be able to take it all within me with deep love and appreciation for what is here.ReplyDelete
Dreams can be extremely disturbing to our equilibrium, for although we know they are not 'physically real' our bodies do not know that at the time - we react viscerally on a subliminal level, if that's not a contradiction - I have especially nostalgic dreams and often wake up feeling tearful.
And thanks for reading round and commenting on some of my older posts - I hope you liked what you found. Your comment that your life and blog are inextricably intertwined was interesting and just might make it into my next book !
Dreams can be so very powerful, can't they? They often let us work through things, I think, which is very cool.Delete
Yes! I do like your writing very much! I'm glad to have found you.
Two nights ago I dreamed I was working in an ICU with patients only about 2 feet apart and so many beds. I had two patients and my old lady patient was so bossy but kept drifting off and I knew she needed oxygen but I only had ECG leads to give her oxygen.ReplyDelete
Natural beauty is what overwhelms me, makes me cry. One time we were in Waterton and a female bear and her three cubs were on the road. They were so amazing and beautiful, I just burst into tears.
I hope you have a lovely day. It's cold and raining here but we need the moisture. Sending hugs my friend.
THAT dream is certainly understandable, given how understaffed you are, how poorly Covid has been contained where you are.Delete
I know what you mean about the bear cubs. I, too, have cried suddenly at things in nature. And at art work, too. When I saw Michelangelo's David, I burst into tears. And sometimes I cry when I am talking with one of my grandchildren or another loved one. Our emotions are powerful and we are moved by so many things, aren't we?
Sending hugs back to you!
I love your descriptions of being overwhelmed by the beauty of life, in a good way -- of the veil being lifted. Perhaps this is the kind of clarity and hyper-awareness that Buddhists seek through meditation. That photo of the colorful cloth on the clothesline, so ordinary and yet so striking, seems to capture the experience so well.ReplyDelete
I hope Owen likes the fishing, but even if he doesn't, he'll enjoy being with Mr. Moon, I'm sure.
Perhaps it IS what Buddhists seek through meditation. I do not know. I find that the these deep emotions come so randomly and surprisingly. And some days we are more attuned to what it is that allows us to see so clearly. I can see how religions say that the spirit is upon them.Delete
I think that Owen had a great time!
What a spectacular post, Mary. It's so deeply embodied -- and the photos, too. You are both inspired and an inspiration.ReplyDelete
Oh, thank you. You mean so much to me and so do your words, Elizabeth.Delete
Oh, that sounds like a remarkable dream. I think dreaming of loved ones who have passed on brings them back to life in a way.ReplyDelete
Yes. For at least a little while, dreams certainly can do that.Delete