So last night Mr. Moon was out of town and for some reason, my boyfriend, Anthony Bourdain, was in some country I'd already seen him visit and so I got on the internet and started wandering down one path and another and googling random people I'd forgotten I knew. You do this too. Of course you do. So somehow, I ended up on Facebook and then somehow I was all oh hell, why not and then next thing I know, Facebook (which is like God, I guess, they know everything) started giving me all these lists of people that I could be friends with and I'm not really paying attention to the rules because I don't know the rules and now I'm friends with a whole lot of people. I mean, people I already sort of thought I was friends with but not on Facebook and now I am.
Jesus.
But the cool thing, the really cool thing, is that within seconds of all this tsunami of my ignorance and Facebook Omnipotence, an old friend whom I had lost touch with years ago wrote me or walled me or I don't know, I don't know, I don't know! and now we're in touch.
See- I thought she didn't love me anymore and now it seems like maybe she at least doesn't hate me and this is a woman who has been more like an avatar to me, a goddess, an example of what a human being CAN be.
So her absence in my life has been a sorrow and now she's going to call me and so I guess it's all worth it, this Facebook madness.
And then I went to bed and dreamed about her all night, but mostly about how inferior I am to her and in my dream I had taken children (not mine- I have no idea who these children were) to her house who suddenly appeared to have Chicken Pox so I'd exposed her child to Chicken Pox and I knew I had to get out of there with these plaguey, obviously inferior children and this took hours and hours and that's how I knew it was a dream but I still wasn't exactly sure and when I woke up, I sure was glad it had been. A dream, that is.
Although I would love to see her.
But let me say something here- if you are one of my friends on Facebook, please know I do love you but I am not going to be hanging around there. It was sort of a mistake, okay? I'm not a Facebook kind of person. I don't think. I wouldn't mind viewing your profiles but I have to fill in a lot more information to do that and I'm not at all sure I care to. Next thing I know, I might have signed up for the Army or something.
I'm too old for the Army and I'm too old (obviously) for Facebook.
I love my little blog corner of the world here and am perfectly content with it and it alone. I figure my acid trip-like encounter with the Facebook portion of the internetal universe had its intended Celestial purpose fulfilled when my old friend got in touch with me and that is that.
I'd go back and try to delete my "page" but frankly, I don't even want to get that involved with it.
Maybe tomorrow. When I'm stronger. Or have consulted one of my children. Who, please be assured, should know that I will not be perusing your profiles or lives via Facebook. Have no fear on that account.
So carry on, world, as usual.
And I shall attempt the same.
Haha, I have a Facebook page that I haven't visited in months...Like you, I prefer my blog. I don't want 'suggestions' as to whom I should be friends with. Because some of their suggestions were people I already KNOW I don't like. I don't let my family read my blog either, because I like to bitch about them sometimes, and don't want the consequences of that.
ReplyDeleteBut Rachel- how do they KNOW your connection with these people? It's so odd to me.
ReplyDeleteMy family, with the notable exception of Mr. Moon, does read my blog and I know it. They're all so sweet I wouldn't bitch about them anyway.
Right, family?
I don't have facebook. Myspace is more than enough for me.
ReplyDeleteOh, and my bartender last night was a fan of your blog.
That's funny. Who's your bartender? Tell him/her to drop a comment now and then if he/she doesn't already.
ReplyDeleteI think he has, actually. His name's Ben, he's a friend of mine. He especially liked the pirate posts lately.
ReplyDeleteSo that's who Ben is. I've been wondering.
ReplyDeleteHi Ben! if you're reading this.
Mystery solved.
ReplyDeleteHey Ben, thanks for the beers last night!
Mama, I got an email asking if I wanted to approve you as my facebook friend, but really? The same thing happened to me and I don't even remember my password that I had. So, you will always be my friend, but I am afraid I can't be your facebook friend. It is not going to happen. You can look at my Myspace page anytime you like. I like to think it is somewhat entertaining.
ReplyDeleteI signed up for a facebook page to see if I knew this person who called me out of the blue.
ReplyDeleteNOW, I have all these friend requests and have never checked my page or site or whatever. I may go fix it and wait for love to pour in.
Oh, I went to a pox party as a kid to make sure we all got chicken pox at the same time and at a young age-I thought it was normal.
Ms. Maybelle and Magnum- so this is not just something that happened to me? Somehow this makes me feel much better and thank you for that.
ReplyDeletePox parties- yep, that's how we used to get immunized. Have the damn illness and get over it. Well, not with polio. But with chicken pox. Oh yeah.
They look through your email address book, then ask you if you want to be friends with anyone listed there who's already a Facebook member. This is not rocket science.
ReplyDeleteWho is Anthony B---- and should I dream about/lust after him?
Ok, ok... You are once again correct! This is a total trip and only the Great Spirit knows where it leads! I will e you with my own bizarro story of the Face book variety, because it's not a posting kind of deal. But man o man, it sure is a great tool. I'm a fan of the in and out though, for sure!
ReplyDeletexo Blog on sista!
MOB- I guarantee you that some of these people were not in my address book.
ReplyDeleteAnd I was speaking of Anthony Bourdain. Chef, writer of books, and guy who travels on the Travel Channel on a show called No Reservations. You either love him or hate him. Me? I love him.
Ms. Little Flower- please do tell.
hahahahahaha
ReplyDeleteOkay I just laughed out loud through your entire post! YOU should totally look me up! I have facebook indeed. Wow, what a trip! Good job!
AJ- Well, I love to make you laugh.
ReplyDeleteI will be your Facebook friend :) But, blog-world friend is just as good!
ReplyDeleteEveryone (and their Mom) is on Facebook these days it seems...I swear, I get a friend request a day from the most random people.
In other news, I've never had chicken pox. Isn't that strange? I couldn't seem to catch it.
I think it's funny how as children, we all just got chicken pox together, and then it was over. We have pictures of it, me, my siblings, my cousins... Now, they won't let kids start school unless they're immunized against it.
ReplyDeleteIt all seems a bit paranoid. And since I spend 37.5 hours per week with severely mentally ill people, I know paranoid when I see it!
SJ- when I had chicken pox, I had like ONE pox. The doctor told my mother he wasn't even sure I had it but if my little brother came down with it in a few days, I had. And he did. Terribly. So- you could have had it and not even known it.
ReplyDeleteRachel- I think the drug companies have a lot to do with some of these things. Don't get me started...
Hey y'all!
ReplyDeleteMs. Moon, I love your blog. It makes me laugh every time and I've spent a good amount of time creeping your old posts.
I'm a die hard for Myspace, but I do have a Facebook. Look for Ben Rangel.
Hank: anytime! You and Billy made my night!
Oh momma, I was so excited to be your facebook friend, because really, the only reason I seem to go onto facebook for is to accept friend requests and to occasionally look at photographs. So I was thinking that maybe we could start facebook chatting, and that would be so much fun!!! Don't you think?
ReplyDeleteOh, alright, I won't make you go on facebook a lot. And you don't have to visit my page if you don't want to. I'll leave that up to you.
(By the way, first day of school went well.)
My mom is on facebook, but I am not
ReplyDelete! Funny. Kelly told me tonight that you where her new facebook friend, I didn't even know you had one until I read this. Love you!