Wednesday, October 22, 2008

Party On

It's a drippy, chilly morning. I'm going to go back to yoga for the first time in weeks here in a few moments and I'm mighty glad of that. Mostly because that means my teacher is better now and also because I need it.

This extra walking thing hasn't really done much for the old anxiety levels, I have to say, but then again, I did not walk yesterday except around Apalachicola with the darling girl, Miss Maybelle.

It's funny how tenuous the gains I've made in sanity are, how thin the membrane between feeling so much better and feeling not so well.

I woke up this morning around six and laid in bed worrying about each and every thing I could manage to think about. It was one of those internal conversations usually held around 2 a.m.
Yes, I was late to the party, but I made up for it like a sober guest who shows up after the dancing has already begun and slams a few shots to catch up to the level of merriment, to loosen the old bones and gristle so that dancing is possible.

My mind raced from this to that, from the radio play (HOW will we build Fibber McGee's closet? How WILL we make the sound of a ray gun? What will I wear onstage?) to a friend who's traveling solo in the west (Dammit, is he okay?) to this little trip Mr. Moon and I are taking for our anniversary (Shit. I don't have anything to wear. What if I'm depressed and morose the entire time? Will everyone and everything be okay while I'm gone?) to my diet (Why didn't I get the salad yesterday? Why did I eat so many grits?)

I mean, really.

And when I finally got up, the sense of dread and worry followed me out of the bed and obviously it's still tap-dancing on my head but... shit.

So what?

It's all just in my head where everything begins and ends.

I plan to breathe deeply in yoga. I plan to stretch through the pain and I plan to be incredibly grateful to have this wealth of silliness to worry about.

I swear.

And I'd like to say Happy Birthday to a dear friend who knows who she is and who has been a sort of rock for me in the past few months. She has a huge talent for showing up when I need not to be alone, for never advising or showing concern, only a shining cheer even though she's been going through things herself that would have me in the loony.

Thank-you, dear K.

Happy Birthday.


  1. You know what might sound like a ray gun? Shooting a bug zapper with a water pistol.

  2. Yoga's good for this type of morning.

  3. Happy Birthday K!

    Dang Mama, be glad that you ate those grits. I wish I had some grits. At least you don't have three roommates that like to bake sweets every week. Last night they made oatmeal cookies and brownies with walnuts. They are evil, I tell you.

    Hope yoga was nice for you today!

  4. DTG- we need to get you to help us. The bug zapper thing would be hysterical but we have to use only devices we could find in the 40's. I don't think the bug zapper had been invented then.
    But really, you would be SWELL at this.

    Nicol- yes, it certain WAS!

    HoneyLuna- Oh, you're young. Just enjoy the evil treats.

  5. Amazingly:

    "According to the US Patent and Trademark Office, the first bug zapper was patented in 1934 by William F. Folmer and Harrison L. Chapin. They were issued patent no. 1,962,439."

    Kinda cool, huh?

  6. No. You're kinda cool.
    But seriously, find us a 1940's bug zapper and we're in business.

  7. I gotta tell ya these people up here in the North don't know what they're missin...

    I used to eat grits all the time when I was a kid. I grew up in Arkansas.. and they r yummy.. and u can make them a million different ways.

    Iowans eat steak, potatoes, and corn...

    the corn is good...

    I miss tomatoes, grits, and biscuits.

    except not together. eew.

  8. Tomatoes, grits and biscuits are three of the best things in life. Even together!
    The grits I had yesterday were "gourmet." I believe they were chipotle grits. With grilled snapper. Hard to beat that.
    Yeah, we know how to eat down south.

  9. I say eat the grits and make extra bacon, then use the fuel to walk it all off. More coal for the engine! I am a worryier too, and I drive everyone nuts if I am not a half hour early to evrything. My Mom did it to me and I hated it,...ah the oak and the acorn. You are doing great and being honest with yourself and that's all you can do. Great now I want grits!


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