Saturday, January 12, 2008

Saturday Morning Musings


During my visit to Gatorbone, we were discussing memory, specifically as to how we are losing ours. We forget where we put our keys, our purses, and what we had for dinner the night before. Things like that.
"Did we always forget things like this?" I asked Lis.
"Yes, and so much more," she answered reassuringly.
"You're right." I said. "Like- we used to forget to use birth control."
This cracked us up and we continued to think of other things we used to forget such as to ask for last names and arrest records. Also, on occasion, we might have forgotten to hide the roaches.
Things such as that.
Forgetting where the keys are isn't such a big scary deal compared with memory lapses like the ones we had in the old days.

I'd also like to talk about women who pee on toilet seats. This is a warning: The next time I sit down on a toilet seat at Target and find that the woman who used it before me squatted over it in order to avoid butt-contamination and who, in doing so, contaminated the hell out of it, I am going to find that woman and I am going to kill her.
Ladies- if you sit on a toilet seat properly, and it is dry, your risk of disease is fairly nill but if you pee on a toilet seat that I unwittingly sit on, the risk of death or at least massive public embarrassment is huge.
You have been warned.

People who drive without their headlights are another thing that bother me to no end. When it is dusk or dawn or when it is raining or foggy, USE THOSE HEADLIGHTS. That is why we have them. It's not like you're going to use more gas if you turn your freaking headlights on. There's nothing like seeing, at the last moment, a gray car come out of the mist without its lights on to make me insanely angry. My grandfather always said that if you can't see the sun, you should use your lights.
He lived well into his nineties. Need I say more?

Chain letters are another thing that I cannot abide. Of course these days, that includes e-mail forwards that instruct you to send the mailing on to others. Sorry folks, nothing gets me to use that delete button quicker than a "send this message on to eight women whom you love" message.
Yep.

On to things that delight me:
Small children and babies who grin and gurgle at you in the grocery store. I have to stop and flirt with all of these darlings. I promise I won't grab your baby up and run, I won't even touch the little darling. But I am going to stand there and make a fool out of myself. Can't be helped.

The dog who lives on my walking route who never fails to get up out of her patch of the sun and wiggle her way to me for a belly rub and ear-scratching. "Lucy," I croon. "You are the prettiest dog in Lloyd." And she is, but don't tell my dogs I said so.

Prairie Home Companion. There is nothing so soothing in the entire world as the words, "It's been a quiet week in Lake Woebegon," as spoken by Garrison Kieller. I know some people hate him and sometimes his stories loop and circle and go off into real tangents and never really make it home, but I don't care. It is one of the high points of my week, listening to the news from Lake Woebegon and dammit, I like the rest of the show, too. And his column.
And I loved the movie, although that Angel of Death was a little over the top and unnecessary in my opinion. Who knew Sue Scott was so cute?

Laundry additives. As my daughter said to me today, "Laundry additives are the condiments of the washing process." Or something like that. She's right. I love me some bleach. Whites should be white. I like to use Oxyclean, too, although I'm not sure it really does anything.
And this leads to hanging the clothes on the line which is another thing I love. I will never, ever, EVER live in a place that doesn't allow this basic human freedom.

Seeing wildlife on a walk. Foxes, rabbits, and deer, of course, but I also include bluebirds, hawks, and eagles in this catagory. Bluebirds are so damn blue. It's like the entire winter blue sky was condensed into the size of a small bird. As my friend Tommy pointed out to me once, they don't call them the bluebirds of happiness for no reason. Once I saw an alligator while walking the Miccosukee Greenway. The thing about this sighting that made it rare was the fact that the gator wasn't anywhere near a body of water. No, it was about three feet from the trail I was walking. Whoa! Scared me to death and I don't think he was too comfortable about it either.
And of course seeing dolphins, although we have none here in Lloyd. But no matter how often I see them in the Gulf or bay, it's always a very special moment when I spy one and I always stop and watch its progress for as long as I can.

New magazines that come in the mail. There is no better bang for your buck than a subscription to a magazine. I get Florida Gardener, Esquire, Vanity Fair, the New Yorker and the Oxford American. If you do not have a subscription to this magazine, go here immediately and whip out your credit card. The Southern Music edition is going to come with TWO CD's this year and that alone is worth the price of admission.

And you know what? I guess that's all I want to talk about right now.
Hope you're having a nice weekend. I am. I think I'm going to hang my clothes on the line now. And then I'll take a walk. And I was going to do something else, but I can't really remember what it was.
I'm sure I'll think of it eventually and I'm certain that whatever it was, it will not result in an unplanned pregnancy.

5 comments:

  1. It is so nice, when filling out the required paperwork before a mamogram, to answer the question "Could you be pregnant?" with a "NO," you don't even have to think twice about! I share your feelings about wet toilet seats - peeing on a public toilet seat should be considered a felony.

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  2. I long for your peace :)

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  3. MOB: Felony punishable by DEATH. Or public humiliation. Whichever one is worse.
    And yes, although I have always been a completely womb-centered woman, the fact that I can't get pregnant is sort of sweet.
    QG: I am quite possibly the luckiest woman alive.

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  4. And I thought only men peed on toliet seats; thanks for the insight (I think). Only men are worse, they usually splatter the floor of the stall as well which can become problematic in the event you really have to sit. I think death is an appropriate consequence for such disgusting behavior. It really is indicative of the type of person they are; they don't give a shit or should I say a piss, about anyone else.

    Speaking of peeing, we do share some of the same pet peeves. Particularly emailed chain letters. Makes me wonder if the sender is really my friend and I am often tempted to email them back and tell them so; but I don't, I just hit the delete key.

    Definitely a Garrison Kieller fan and cannot imagine any one not enjoying him but to each their onw.

    Had to chuckle about the baby thing, I thought I was the only one who did such things. Who can resist a smiling baby's face.

    Anyway, as always I enjoy reading your blog. You always have something interesting to say.

    Rich

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  5. Rich- I miss you! I am going to come see you in that play!

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