I am still absolutely loving the time I sit at the piano and try to play pieces that I played so very, very long ago. As I struggle though the songs, making one mistake after another, my fingers clumsy with age and no practice, I think of how much better I played when I was ten or eleven or twelve. Please understand- I was never any good. I had no illusions about that nor did my teacher (or my mother, for that matter) ever encourage any false belief in my abilities. And now I am absolutely certain that I have zero talent at playing music but somehow, it is still such a pleasure to try. After an hour though, I seem to lose focus and my mind wanders and my fingers stray onto the wrong notes even more and I know it is time to stop.
But for that hour, I am doing something only for me. I would rather dig a ditch from here to Sacramento than allow anyone to listen to me. And I think of that frequently as I try to play- that anyone listening would die of the pain of my awkwardness, my sheer inability to create anything resembling pleasing sounds.
I especially think of all the musicians I know and love and how they would shake their heads and never bring the subject up again out of their love and embarrassment for me.
Still, somehow all of that does not interfere with my pleasure. I guess it's a little bit like a non-artist doing paint-by-number and getting enjoyment out of that, even though it is as far from actual art as... well, my playing is from music.
One of the things that happens as I struggle through these songs is that a visceral memory of living in Roseland comes back to me. Different memories than my usual ones. My dreams, too, find me in Roseland, strangely enough often at the house of my best friend Lucille and why, I do not know. I don't recall her having anything to do with my piano playing although it's possible that as I was doing my enforced daily practicing, I was thinking of her and her house and how I would so much rather be there with her, playing, than sitting at the piano in our living room, making the same mistakes over and over.
I had a go-to-town day today. Jessie and I met at a Goodwill and did a little shopping. She got a few things and so did I. I got a long sleeved purple T-shirt and a nice, very pale lilac sweater which, although made entirely of acrylic, is soft and will wash easily which is important in my life. Also warm, which is good because it's about to get a lot cooler here. And I can wear a sweater I got at Goodwill with my overalls and not feel the least worry about snagging it or staining it. These things are important to me these days.
I made Jessie pose with a dress I found which I deemed to be the most hideous thing I saw there today. That may or may not have been true but it was pretty awful.
I could not figure out what the fluorescent orange belt strip with metal studs in it was doing there. The knit of the fabric was actually fairly interesting.
WHAT THE FUCK?!
Can I say that the Senate is doing a good thing?
well yes, I do believe that dress is the most hideous thing.....it's the belt. Fabric lovely......but *cut* and shape.....and the THE BELT......NO! Don't think I could even ponder dinner after the lunch you had LOL! And....we all judge things......whether we are qualified or not.......part of our nature. What we do with that, is what makes the biggest impact. Enjoy your salmon......and glad Mr Moon will be home soon! Yes to Senate, and yes to Isaac.......and for how it was received........ Yes! PS. you must have your piano tuned.......please do it!ReplyDelete
The studs are the coup de gras on that dress for me.Delete
I somehow managed to eat quite a bit of salmon, rice, and salad.
After today's little piano session I think I need to toss the damn thing.
The dress is maybe a new idea of blaze orange for hiking in hunting season. Or something.ReplyDelete
I love your pleasure in playing piano. I believe that if it's worth doing it's worth doing badly. Meaning it's worth doing at whatever level the player is at, You don't have to qualify in order to play it and love it.
Music particularly has been tainted with competition, demands for improvement, very little attention paid to the sheer pleasure of the doing. Your happy hours of playing are a great counterbalance. Never stop!
Yes- that dress would make a perfect hunting outfit, wouldn't it? Now. What you'd be hunting for is another question.Delete
I am a bit despondent over today's playing-for-pleasure. I think I was embarrassed for myself.
All the arts, at any level, have days like that. Don't stop!Delete
Beautiful and uplifting video Mary but the main thing is - Did Jessie buy that stylish dress? She'll be the talk of the town when Vergil takes her to her next Tallahassee cocktail party.ReplyDelete
Haha! No, we did not buy the dress. Nor do any of us ever go to cocktail parties. We have our cocktails at home where we do not have to wear bras.Delete
The Minuet in G - my main association with that is at the end of The Music Man, when his band "plays" that piece. I love the cracked and chipped keys on your piano.ReplyDelete
I had forgotten that! Huh. If I ever watch the movie again I'll look out for it.Delete
The piano is an old one. I would love to know a history of it.
That video was beautiful. It's so sad that people still have to do this. Can you imagine sitting in front of your co-workers, telling them that you're straight? I want to just hug that young man.ReplyDelete
I actually didn't mind the dress. The material was quite pretty but you're right about the belt. I think Jessie could pull it off.
If you talk to Mr. Moon tonight, he'll tell you it's cold here. The weather changed and the wind came up and it felt like winter today.
I would like to hug Isaac too. I hope that his parents are supportive. I think sports is the last bastion for gay men when it comes to shame and possible acceptance and I truly admire the men who come out as their true selves. On the other hand, I think we almost expect women in sports to be lesbians. Oh! The stereotypes!Delete
Jessie didn't want the dress. We were just amused by its oddness.
Glen and I did talk but he didn't discuss the weather much.
I keep forgetting to tell you that I've stopped trying to wean myself off my medication. I felt crappy all the time and decided, fuck it.ReplyDelete
We do reach that point, don't we? Good for you for doing what's best for your mental health.Delete
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What a story! Did it crush you to learn that you maybe weren't the next big thing? I think it's wonderful that you still sing Motown songs. They are the best, aren't they?Delete
That belt. Oh. That belt.
Our athletes used to cop a bollocking if their sexuality was considered anything but straight. Thankfully times are changing but it is still so sad to see videos like this. I loved the way his team mates were tearing up as well.ReplyDelete
The dress could have been beautiful without the orange monstrosity. What is it with Florida and orange monstrosities?
Tune the piana and you will be amazed at how wonderful your music is.
"What is it with Florida and orange monstrosities?" What a great question! I don't know!Delete
I'm pretty sure that the best tuned piano in the world would still sound horrible if I played on it.
Hey, good for Isaac! and good for you still enjoying your hour on the piano each day. Will you keep that up when your man comes home? As sparklingmerlot says, maybe you will sound better with the piano being tuned, so get that done?ReplyDelete
Isaac is tremendously brave, I would say. Male sports figures are supposed to REAL MEN, of course. What a joke. They are people playing games for Christ's sake.Delete
I don't know if I'll keep playing when Glen gets home. I think about that and wonder.
I played the piano (badly) as a kid too. I was the one that begged for lessons but I HATED having to sit for hours and practice. I never did (practice that is) as my sport was always more important, so who knows how could I might have become if I'd put the effort in! As for that dress, I'm not sure. I feel a tall, slim elegant woman with the right jacket, heels and purse could probably pull that together. But me? Nah, like you say, I'd look like I was directing traffic at the roadworks!ReplyDelete
"how GOOD I might have become" - yikes, proof read will ya!Delete
I could have practiced five hours a day and not been even a decent musician. I know this for a fact.Delete
I'm not sure anyone could pull off that dress.
Do you think that dress is homemade, or is it a store-bought dress with a homemade added belt? I agree the belt was not the best decision. I wonder if it could be removed? (Or if it's even worth it.)ReplyDelete
I think the belt was added but who knows? And it wouldn't be worth it in my opinion to try and take it off. The dress wasn't that great.Delete
I think your Jessie could wear that dress as is and look cute as a button!ReplyDelete
The orange belt doesn't bother me so much. I couldn't wear it but some slender, young person could!
You have reminded me that I should sit at my piano again and play the few songs I can slowly plunk my way through! It does bring back old memories.
I'm not sure anyone would look cute as button in that dress. Maybe Maggie? It would be itchy, too.Delete
Yes- start fooling around on the piano again! Why not? If you don't enjoy it, you can stop.
I feel exactly as you do playing piano. That video was the touch of sweetness I needed today, it shouldn’t be so hard for anyone. I’ve been watching Welcome to Wrexham, a well done documentary about a Welsh football team that Ryan Reynold’s and Rob McElhenny bought. So many human stories and so different! Your video reminded me of that team.ReplyDelete
It was a very sweet video, wasn't it? And sort of heartbreaking, too. Why is this even still a thing?Delete
If it weren't for that day-glo orange studded stripe WTF it would probably be a decent dress. SHARE has become the place I get my clothes these days. Two pair of capri pants this summer, a really nice blue long sleeve L.L.Bean shirt, a really nice soft tan suede like (but washable) jacket. Jan sent me home with some overalls but I haven't tried them on yet.ReplyDelete
And yes, that video brought tears to my eyes too. Shitty people should not make the other gendered not want to live.