A Cold Day In The Hell Of Our Reality

Well, as I said to my kids in a text this morning, we have no pumpkins but if we did, the frost would be upon them. That's what it looked like in my backyard when I got up. When I tried to open the screen door on the back porch to go outside and take a picture, I realized it had been frozen shut with some of the standing rain on the steps we'd gotten yesterday. I had to give the door a good kick to open it. That was new. 

The frost thawed not long after that because the sun was fully shining, but it never got warm enough to suit me. I am going through massive anxiety because the gauge on our propane tank is way down in the red area and although Glen has called the propane guy twice now, we've still seen no truck show up with the magical hose that stretches for half a mile to go over the fence and down into the tank where the life-saving liquid is stored. The man at the gas company guaranteed Glen that his driver/deliverer would be here either today or tomorrow. 
I guess it's going to be tomorrow. 
I surely hope so. 
Do you remember me recently (as in the past six months) writing a post about the gas delivery guy? The man who was so kind, so sweet, so empathetic, so beautifully and proudly loc'ed? The man who told me he was freezing because he grew up in Jamaica and he was not used to this cold? The man who had played college football at Stetson University? 
Obviously, the man made a huge impression on me and yet, I cannot remember his name and I cannot find the post I wrote about him. I've done searches for "propane gas," "gas delivery," "locs," "kind strangers," and I don't even know what and I can't find a damn thing. Except for the fact that this is definitely not the first time I've gone a little bit crazy worrying that the tank will run dry and I shall die of exposure and frostbite. 

And of course Mr. Moon is back up at the cabin (which he is now regularly calling the camp) and I feel a little deserted in my hour of darkness although what the hell could he do if we did run out of gas? So I've set the thermostat down to 66° and am keeping my fake-fleece-lined hoody on over my long sleeved shirt, long sleeved sweater, and long-sleeved cardigan. He tells me that the heater up at the camp works quite well. He is doing more painting and told me this morning that he wants to get the bedroom all fixed up so that I'll come and stay with him and I made some not very convincing "Ummmm's" and hugged him tightly and well, I am hoping like hell that between a lovely very pale green bedroom and a kitchen with a brand new stove and very cool Fiesta Ware I will indeed be lured into being okay with the concept. Of course, he needs to get that downstairs bathroom finished too before this finicky princess even considers such an idea. 
And I am a woman who has not only camped where we had to dig our own latrines and was fine with that, but also lived in a house for almost a year that had no running water which meant we used an outhouse. Which snakes took shelter in. 
As did wasps. 

Well. 

I watched most of a movie today that I have been meaning to watch since it came out. Pamela Anderson's "The Last Show Girl." I don't know why it's taken me so long. My god. Pamela Anderson doesn't miss a beat. You do not catch her acting. She IS the character. 

Jamie Lee Curtis is also in the film and although she does a fine job, I've never found Jamie Lee to be completely convincing in her roles. I love her politics, her outspokenness when it comes to queer rights, her heart which is most definitely in the right place but the fact is- I DO catch her acting. I can see her trying her hardest to inhabit a role which is admirable but somehow, in this case, it does not work for me. 
Still, I sort of love her character. 

The movie asks the question of what happens to a woman who has based her entire life, sacrificed everything, in the name of beauty and youth as she ages? Who has based her self-worth on the things men worship and is now losing? 
It's powerful. 
Pamela Anderson is a force and that's not something I ever thought I'd say. 

I've made a pot of pinto beans, my favorite, and cooked some rice which is going to go into a spinach and rice casserole that I love. That will be supper tonight. I had what I thought might be a hankering for a big salad at lunch and did my chopping and slicing, and mixed miso and rice wine vinegar and garlic and ginger and other delicious things to make a dressing and, well... it was okay. But bottom line is, I've had a lot of vegetables today and a bowl of beans and a dish of comfort casserole is just what I need. 

Another picture of Lloyd on a cold morning in January. 

Thinking of Martin Luther King, Jr today, of course. Hoping with all my heart that the  things he accomplished in his way too short life will not have been in vain as a completely insane man has the reins of the country which Dr. King wouldn't even recognize today. 
Or perhaps he would. 
We should hang our heads in shame. We should raise our voices in protest in whatever way we can. We should remember and honor King and all of those who marched and protested and faced the guns and slavering dogs so bravely with the determination of knowing that what they were marching for, risking their lives for, was the generations to follow as well as the generations who came before. 

Love...Ms. Moon