Waitress? Actress? You Tell Me

 Here we have the results of what I did today. I got a pedicure with Lily and Jessie. We had lunch too. Am I a lady of leisure or what? 
Yes. I am a lady of leisure. 
Do I feel guilty about that? 
You bet! 
But here's the thing- When I was still pre-colonoscopy, I had a teary evening where I really thought about what's going to happen when I die. Not what's going to happen in the sense of where I will go or any of that stuff. I don't think I'll have any consciousness at all but if I do, I suppose it'll be another part of what we call life and it'll be okay. As I heard Neil Degrasse Tyson say once, we never worry about what was happening to us in the bazillions of years before we were born so why are we so obsessed with worrying about what happens when we die? But what I DO worry about, what DOES cause me pain, is that my death will cause pain for my loved ones. I mean, it just will. My children and my grandchildren and my husband will be sad that I have died. 
I think, anyway. 
And that makes me so very, very unhappy. I don't want them to feel sorrow or sadness but it is human nature that we all do when someone we love dies. 
So. While I'm here, I want to spend time with these precious people who will quite possibly miss me. I want them to have good stories to tell each other. "Remember when Mama said this?" or "Remember when Mama did this?" "Remember how she always...?"
You know. I want there to have been many, many funny and tender and happy and joyous and absurd moments to look back on, to laugh at. To smile at. 
Yes!

So that is how I rationalize getting pedicures and going to lunch. We talk, my kids and me. We talk and we laugh and we reminisce and we share worries and we share joys and we share slightly profane jokes and we are sometimes absurd. We are not out there to actually eat, although yes, we love to eat, or to get our toenails done, although yes, we do like getting pedicures. We are eating and getting pedicures in order to be together, to have an activity that allows us to do what we do best which is to share ourselves with each other. And that is the truth. 

So I did not get the OPI color I'm Not Really A Waitress today, which is the color I almost always get and have for many, many years. Instead I got a very similar color but with a sort of glitter in it that is named I'm Really An Actress which is perfect in all regards. Jessie found it for me on the rack. 
I'm really an actress. At least in the mythical land in which I dwell in my mind. 

We ate our lunch at a noodle place where you can get different sorts of noodles. Jessie and I both got Pho while Lily, who wasn't hungry, just got some edamame beans. Every time I eat Pho, I say the same thing which is, "This is SO good." 
And it is. That delicious broth with the vegetables and noodles and jalapeños and basil, and lime squeezed in is the perfect combination of flavors and textures in my opinion. The taste is simple and it is complex. It is body-warming and heart-warming. It is slurpy and it is good. And there is always too much so you can bring some home for the next day. 

I did a stupid thing today. Well, I'm sure I did quite a few stupid things and there will no doubt be more tomorrow. However, the main stupid thing I did today was to drop two rings in my room and I have only been able to find one. The rings were in an envelope that I'd put them in at the Digestive Disease place because the check-in woman insisted that I had to remove all my jewelry, no excuses. I had taken off the rings I could take off without too much of a struggle but there are some rings that I have worn since way before my old knuckles got all swollen and arthritisy and I just could not get them off. I'd had two other surgeries without taking them off (the appendectomy and the kidney stone blast) and the intake people then had shrugged and said, "Well, if they won't come off, they won't come off."
The theory is that if they need to cauterize something inside my body (like if they removed a polyp), the electricity from the device they use could spread throughout the body and if it comes in contact with metal, it can cause severe burns. I've never heard of it actually happening but I suppose there is a risk. 
So somehow, with lots of soap and Glen pulling, we got three plain gold bands off my fingers. One was my wedding band which has been on that finger for forty years only being removed a few times, and two others- one my grandmother's wedding band and another band above it to keep it from slipping off as it was too small for my ring finger but a little too large for my little finger. 
I found my wedding band and my grandmother's wedding band but have not been able to find the very thin gold band that I've worn above it for so long. I got that ring at a pawn shop and when I bought it, it had a bit of a design engraved on it but that wore away long ago. 
So Glen and I have both looked and what we've found is lots and lots of dust and nothing else. The search will continue. And I will get my wedding band resized.

I picked two more beautiful camellias today. 

The freezes we had kicked their buds' asses but they are coming back. They are so resilient. Beautiful, delicate, strong. 

Just like so many women I know. Perhaps that's why I love camellias so much. 

Off to make a supper. 

Love...Ms. Moon