Adventures In Drugs And Self-Awareness

I had another epiphany today. No, it wasn't about writing or anything high-minded or enlightening, it was about the drugs I took yesterday for the procedure.
I was in pottery with Jessie, having actually gotten up early to go because it was the last class of this year and I really wanted to finish one piece if possible and also, I do like pottery class. So anyway, there I was in class and there is sort of limited working space and almost all of it was being taken up and Jessie and I needed places to sit and work and everyone was chattering about their projects or the big pottery show that had happened last weekend or Christmas or whatever and I realized that I was feeling pretty darn spacey. Someone would tell me something and I'd be like, "What? Wait. Am I supposed to put a really thin coat of this wax on the bottom?" having no real idea what the hell they'd just told me. I mean, I wasn't having a stroke or anything but concentration was not happening. And then I figured out that I was still working the dang Fentanyl and Versed out of my system and it all made sense. How bizarre not to have been able to enjoy their sweet come-on but was having to deal with the remaining annoying after-effects. 
And THEN I remembered that when I got out of the car yesterday when we got home, I thought, "Wow. My hips and knee don't hurt at all! Maybe they're right about fasting! It really works!" And I laughed and laughed when I remembered that because of course I was on major, major pain drugs and of course nothing hurt. 
Ooh-boy. I was pretty slow with that one. 

When I got up from my nap yesterday and after I wrote my post, I actually made the most delicious supper. Please don't laugh- I made hamburgers and Tater Tots. Glen was as happy as I was. And I did a pretty damn good job, even getting all the condiments on the table as well as our eating utensils and everything came out at the same time. I was inordinately proud. 
The house still smelled like hamburgers when I got up this morning and I smiled. 

So it's been a full day. We did the pottery thing and I got one piece glazed- that first bowl I threw on the wheel that our teacher pretty much made for me. The cracker platter was in the kiln so I couldn't glaze that and so was the plate. But hell, I did glaze one thing and honey, it is going to be butt-ugly. I enjoyed class though. We got to talking to one lady who's always been relatively quiet and damn if it didn't turn out that she'd taught fiber arts in colleges AND been a fashion designer. I never would have guessed that in a million years. And thanks to Liz-Boud over at FieldandFen, and her posts about fiber arts and the internet program she shares images and words from every week, I was actually able to discuss some of the things that I have learned and never would have even thought of if not for her and it was a really good discussion.

Unless, you know, I was just so stoned that I thought it was a great discussion. This is possible. 

And then there was lunch and Costco where I discovered that they'd put the cheese back where it used to be. I pointed that out to Jessie and she asked if that made me happy. 
"So happy," I said. 

I also went to Publix where nothing out of the ordinary happened and drove home quite safely and unloaded everything and put it all away and uncovered the front porch plants as we are looking at a good stretch of time with no freezes and put my Roseland seedling babies back out on the kitchen porch and made a loaf of bread and thawed out some chicken for our supper.

Jessie asked me today if I felt a huge sense of relief after finding out that no, I do not at this time have colon cancer. I thought about that for a moment and said, "Yes, I do. But not as much as I thought I would."
She said, "It doesn't seem like you are." 
And here's the thing- I just did not feel as if I had colon cancer. For whatever reason that just didn't seem like something for me to be afraid of and although I certainly did have several strong talks with myself about how yes, I could very definitely be one of the people who do have it and that I should be prepared for that, it didn't seem real. Yesterday I had more anxiety about it than at any time before but it was still not like the kind of anxiety I've had about much less serious or even imagined things. 
And I am not claiming any sort of inner-knowledge about the state of my colon. At all. But that's just the way it went. I am very much relieved but honestly, I've felt more relieved just getting through an annual physical exam. 

I'm crazy. Never doubt that. I've been living with this brain for seventy years and I still have no idea how it really works. 

Obviously.

Love...Ms. Moon