Tuesday, November 14, 2017

Medium High Anxiety


Young Levon got farther out into the world today than I did. He had his first outing to Publix, which is pretty appropriate for our family. I got that picture from Jessie asking me which of the 8 O'Clock coffees we like. I told her the French Roast and I'm surprised there are any left after her father took such advantage of the BOGO.

I just woke up feeling like I really wanted to stay close to home this morning. I believe the past week of glory has left me a little crashed. So I took a walk and did some weeding and that is truly just about all I did. Besides take a nap.
Anxiety can wear you out. Put my hand on the Bible, folks, it really can.

So whatever, it's not like if I take one day off to be lazy the world will cease to function as we know it. Tomorrow I'm going to babysit the Magnificent Magnolia while her mama goes on a field trip with Owen so I'll be feeling more useful then. It'll be good to have my little girl all to myself for a little while.

I've decided that Pearl, the last of the three chickens that Dottie hatched, is without doubt, a rooster.


Great. So I've got ten chickens, three of which are male and will never lay an egg and one so old that she may never lay again in her life and three hens who I KNOW are laying but whose eggs I cannot find. Well, I need to think of it like this- every one of the chickens does a good job at keeping the kitchen garden area clean of weeds and they all eat bugs in the yard and they all fertilize whichever space they are scratching in.
Plus, I love them. I know that it makes no sense but I never feel alone with my chickens and two cats. Even when the chickens are asleep in the hen house, I can somehow feel their presence, so completely benign and calming, ten hearts beating under soft feathers as they gather in the hay-lined nesting boxes to take their nightly rest. They are family of a sort. I tend to them and they comfort me and give us eggs to eat with yolks so yellow that all other eggs pale (quite literally) in comparison.

As to the cats- I have no idea where they are at the moment. Not in any of their accustomed napping places. I heard a spat a few hours ago out in the yard. I hope they didn't kill each other because I'd pay good money to have one of them sleep cuddled up next to me in bed tonight. Going to get down in the low forties which of course is polar weather for us and since I have neither husband nor baby to sleep with right now, a small furry beast would be welcome.

Can you believe that Thanksgiving is eight days away?
And I refuse to do the countdown for Christmas. Last year my love and I spent the holiday in Cozumel and I'd be lying if I said that I don't tear up every time I think of that.

And so it goes, and so it is. I've been pondering doing a post about the way sexual abuse affects the victim's sexuality but so far I've not been brave enough to do that.
I remember once when my mother made a rare admission that yes, I had indeed suffered at the hands of her husband, she said, "I guess this has affected your relationship with your husband."

I did not know whether to laugh or cry.

Ay-yi-yi.

Love...Ms. Moon




13 comments:

  1. all that high of a new baby, a low key day is good.

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    1. Yes. The guitar string can only vibrate at that frequency for so long.

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  2. I understand the what you mean about the chickens bringing value to your life. Even when they are just across the yard breathing. Having life around us is important. I'm one that tends to prefer my dog over people!

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    1. Animal life/human life. Same-same except that animals are usually more polite. They may not talk as much but then again, they may not talk as much. Haha!

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  3. HuffPost did an article about how anxiety related disorders cost the nation $63B (yes, that's a B) a year. It's a big deal for us all. Here is the url if you're interested.

    https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/anxiety-affects-your-entire-body-and-its-time-to-treat-it-that-way_us_59f78d75e4b0c0c8e67c1df9?section=us_huffpost-partners

    Here's hoping a cat comes home for the night.

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    1. I saw that article. I need to read it! Thanks.

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  4. Oh, how I wish Norbert would sleep with me. If I bring him into my bed he sits with his back to me until I let him out. It actually hurts my feelings. I would love to have a warm and loving presence in my bed.

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    1. This is about what happens when I try to get Maurice to sleep with me. I bring her to bed and she freaks out and leaps away. Then sometimes she comes back and with great and careful steps she tries to settle in but if I so much as reach to pick up my book, she leaps off the bed. Our poor babies- they do not know how to accept our love.

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  5. I can see how you'd need to retreat a bit after all the activity of the past week! Pearl is a terrific name for a rooster. Olga sleeps with us and man, that dog is a heater -- sometimes to excess. Cozumel! Can you believe that was almost a year ago?!

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    1. I CAN believe that Cozumel was almost a year ago. What I can't believe is that we aren't going back for Christmas.
      Remember when I had a dog named Pearl?

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  6. Taking some time to recharge is a good move, dear friend. I am feeling twinges of anxiety about thanksgiving, even though all the people who are coming to us for it are people i am supremely comfortable with. so what's the stressing about? at the moment, i'm making it about cleaning up my house. hugs.

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    1. Sometimes it's what you just have to do.
      Oh? And clean the house? You are a better woman than I.

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  7. I’m in a state of dull anxiety about Thanksgiving. My parents are coming. Carl’s family is coming. I want to go and eat dim sum in Chinatown.

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Tell me, sweeties. Tell me what you think.