Friday, January 23, 2009

Just Trying To Get A Little Perspective Here


Life seems to be speeding so quickly these days that I can't possibly keep up with it. Just one week ago was the anniversary of Lynn's death and I couldn't quit crying and I couldn't get off the couch. And now, I can barely remember. Not to say I'm completely recovered from the day but simply that it seems to far back in time.

It's been a week.

Speaking of weeks, our play opens in less than a week and oh my darlings, we are not ready. Look- I have something like five or six costume changes in this play. I almost have all my costumes but have no clue yet as to hair. Frankly I would like to wear the same damn thing for every character and just ACT my way around the costume thing- Look- I'm old lady now. Can't you tell from the way I walk, talk, and move? Look- I'm a lesbian now. You can tell by what I'm saying.

Etc.

But no. There will be wigs involved. WIGS!!!! On my own personal head. I never thought I'd see this day.

And the dressing room will be a curtained off area right behind the stage which is right in front of the giant glass windows of the front of the Opera House. I keep asking if they're going to charge extra for seats on the sidewalk.

Besides that, I have a character who has to eat. And talk. And walk. We haven't yet tried this with real food. I make pretend-eating gestures like you do when your child brings you a tasty tea-plate of Play Dough pie. "Mmmm. Very good."

And so forth.

And I have learned in the past few weeks that the best way to get to what the Buddhists call mindlessness is to be in a play. I know these lines. I know them backwards and forwards and yet, inevitably, I'll be up there just doing great and all of a sudden my mind is like a sheer granite cliff that rises into the air and there are no lines written on it. I doubt I could tell you my name at these moments.

Talk about your awkward pauses.

All I can say is thank God they serve alcohol at the Opera House because our motto is The more you drink, the better we are. Amen.

I made soap this week for the first time. I made soup this week for the billionth time. I've made venison jerky. I am making venison jerky as we speak.

I saw our new president inaugurated and oh yes, of course I found out that I'm about to be a grandmother.

I still can't begin to fit my head around that one and will probably be in shock until the child is ready for high school at which point I may begin to grasp the concept.

I've had days where I wanted to crawl into a hole and days where I felt okay. I've spent way too much time in Goodwills looking for costumage and not nearly enough time exercising.

I've let the dogs in and out three thousand, five hundred and forty-seven times. Really. I counted.

I've had hope, I've had joy, I've had despair, I've had panic.

I've grieved and I've celebrated and I've sweat and I've shivered.

I've searched for words and I've had no words.

I have committed sins of both omission and commission and I feel equally guilty about both.

I almost threw a shoe at the TV when Bush was taken away from Washington in a helicopter and wondered why he wasn't taken away in chains. I would have thrown a shoe but it wasn't my TV and it was one of those flatscreen things that probably weighs about four ounces and cost a lot.

I've wondered why we're here on earth and I've listened to a man from Venezuela who worked at the Goodwill, singing a song in Spanish that made my heart soften like a lump of wax over a flame and which seemed to me to be some sort of clue.

I've cheered and I've wailed. I've giggled and I've moaned. I've sighed and I've laughed. I've loved and been loved. I've lit candles for gratefulness and I've lit candles for strength.

In short, a regular week of life here on earth, which frankly, I don't understand at all.
So what the hell? as one of my characters says. I'm trying to keep focused on the light and let the darkness pass as it will. There is certainly plenty of light to focus on.

I hope there is plenty of light in your life too and that your week was fine and fancy, silly and serious, and that we all carry a strong, even if tiny, flame of flickering hope within our hearts.

Because bless them. Our hearts. While they're still beating, we might as well bless them.

15 comments:

  1. It has been one hellova week for you Ms Moon. No doubt about that. You seem to be reeling with it rather well though. Reel on.

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  2. "Reeling" sort of says it exactly. Like a drunk on her way to the bathroom in a bar.

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  3. Manny, from Goodwill, is my FAVORITE.

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  4. You have had one helluva week, Grandma Moon. Hopefully it's been more good than bad.

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  5. What a whirlwind week! I'm just trying to keep my head above water in all manners of speaking, and looking forward to some quiet (okay, quiet isn't the right word, but maybe unhindered?) time at home with my kids and my cats, and a deli pizza and maybe a good movie or 2.

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  6. soap, soup, jerky, peace.
    You've made a lot of things lately

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  7. Robin- why have I never noticed him before? How long has he been there?

    Lady Lemon- Grandma Moon? Oh yes, that would be me. It's been a good week. It has.

    Rachel- isn't it funny how once you have children the pleasures of life become so simple? Enjoy.

    Magnum- did I make peace? I can't remember doing that. But thank-you.

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  8. Your play will be wonderful.

    And no more worries about Bushy...he's TexASS' problem now.

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  9. He is new there....perhaps not long enough to become jaded :)....but I love him most because recently he asked if I had been eating enough..which I took to mean I looked really skinny, which is always good, right?

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  10. I have more to say here than I possibly could, so instead I'll refer to a song (I'd never heard before and that has transfixed me) on the wonderful CD's on the magazine you so wonderfully sent me.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uMTXHp2s0NM

    Congratulations Hot Gramma!

    p.s. I expect full shots of you in each costume, wig included, a la Tori Amos in Strange Little Girls

    http://everythingtori.com/pm/uploads/music/Strange_main.jpg

    Smooches!

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  11. To tell you the truth, we're never "ready" for any play we've ever done there. It just somehow works out in the end. And eating on stage is easier than you think. Either way, you're doing fantastic!

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  12. Mamabear- Yep. As if Texas wasn't polluted enough already.

    Robin- he's darling. And HAVE you been eating enough?

    Quietgirl- perfect. Everybody's gotta live.

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  13. i feel you with the wig and costume changes. i had several costume, makeup, and wig changes - yikes! i am glad not to be doing all that rushing around business - its a lot of work! and dont worry, you will remember your lines. i was worried i'd forget too - the only day my mind went blank was our last performance. but the show went on and it never happened again thank goodness! and i never thought we'd be ready in time but it somehow all came together last minute... so i know yours will be great too (: i miss yall!

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  14. CMe- I wish I'd seen your play. Bah. I just never go out much these days.
    I think everything will go okay. Rehearsal last night was good.
    We miss you, too!

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