I went to play rehearsal last night where we finished blocking the play, which is good because we're doing it in about one month.
Or so they say.
It's a very small cast- only four- and we're not doing it upstairs in the Opera House in the theater, but downstairs. It's going to be dinner theater, which is not ideal for the actors but what I am learning about myself is that I'd act my little heart out in the lady's room if that's what they offered me.
I am such a ham.
Who knew?
How is it possible that I've carried around this huge desire to act without knowing it? What else do I not know about myself? Would I have been good as the CEO of some huge corporation? Would I have been an an amazing microbiologist? Could I have a secret desire harbored in my soul to be a world-class dominatrix?
Who knows?
Not me.
When I first auditioned for a play in Monticello, several years ago, I was so shy. I asked my youngest child, HoneyLuna, if she'd like to go with me because they were calling for a teen-aged girl, too. She, with her usual why-not?-life-is-a-joyful-adventure attitude agreed and what I discovered that day is that the joy I'd felt as a teenager in high school being onstage was still right there. They gave me a script, put me on the stage to read a part, and I felt like I was home.
The next year I auditioned for Casablanca and got a role in which I only had a few lines, but I sassed it up as much as I could and again, it was just magic for me.
But it wasn't just the being onstage part that was so wonderful. It was being a part of something creative. I've always loved to write, but that's such a lonesome occupation. Not that I have any problem being alone. I require periods of being alone. That's a part of the fabric of who I am. But I found that every time I walked into the Opera House and saw the faces of the people I was working (playing) with, my heart just opened up and gave out whoops of delight. And several of those people have become good friends. The kind of friends that are rare and precious.
And I'm working with them again in this little play and my heart is still whooping and it's even more fun because I'm onstage a lot and I have all these different characters to play. I slip into their skins and dance around saying their words and the guy playing opposite me is throwing himself into his roles so wholeheartedly that it's just FUN!
I literally find myself hopping in place with the excitement of it.
Isn't that crazy?
I love all my characters who have different accents, different attitudes, are completely different people who come from flat black words on a flat white page but who come alive when I say those words. I think about the man who wrote the words and I wonder if he would be happy with the way I'm saying them, the way I'm trying to make those characters come alive. I hope so.
It's all about creation.
We're put here on this spinning planet in this giant universe and we create. We create more people and we create meals and poems and gardens and theorems and cities and pictures and quilts and music and the instruments to play that music on and somehow, I think it's all about creation.
There is so much I do not know but here's one thing I know for sure:
When you find some activity which takes you away from where you are and WHO you are and when you come back to yourself you find that the clock has whirled its hands around without you having the least idea of time and your heart has been whooping and your mind has been buzzing, then you are doing something you are meant to do.
And that you shouldn't question why or if it's worth doing or anything. You shouldn't question anything.
You should just keep doing it.
In the kitchen, in your yard, in your office, in the dirt of a garden, in a classroom, in your workshop, in your living room, in a factory, in a studio, in a theater, in the lady's room if need be.
Wherever you can find a place to do that thing which brings you joy and makes time stop. Whatever it is you're creating, the world somehow needs it. Even if you can't see why or how.
Because any sort of creation is magnificent.
In fact, I suppose my holy trinity would not be the father, the son and the holy ghost, but would, in fact be light, love, and creation.
I sound like some old hippie, don't I?
Well, I am. An old hippie who is still finding new things to create.
Which I think is magnificent.
And which makes my heart very, very happy.
