Good Lord. I need a child to help me.I can't take a decent picture and I can't get the Magical Spinning Angel Chimes to work. They will not spin! I followed the directions!
This is ridiculous.
How the hell I am supposed to get into the holiday spirit if I can't even make the fucking Magical Spinning Angel Chimes go around and chime?
Wait. Ten minutes ago my children didn't know how to hold their heads up or poop on the potty or count to five. And I knew EVERYTHING. And I taught them everything.
Everything they know.
And now, suddenly, I have to call one of them to ask how to take a picture with the flash off.
Don't even get me started on how many times Miss HoneyLuna has had to instruct me, by phone, on how to get the TV to stop doing that thing it's doing.
I can see right now that assisted living is in my future.
Thank god I can still cook and make a martini.
When my grandmother got the senile dementia, the first thing she forgot how to do was cook.
The first thing I'm going to forget how to do when I get the serious dementia is how to scrub the toilet.
Meanwhile, the Magical Spinning Angel Chimes look pretty sweet, even if they won't spin.
And Evil Santa is all plugged in and ready to scare the youngsters.
It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas.
At the Moon's, anyway.
