I should point out that snakes do not recognize state borders either.
I should have been more clear.
Anyway, today has been blahdeblahdedah. Know what I mean? I've been good for nothing, at least as applies to attitude. My first mistake was getting on the scale because Friday is the day I weigh and as I've said, weighing, even if only done once a week, gives me anxiety and brings out more emotions than any numbers on a scale should bring. I'd only lost half a pound and although I KNOW GOOD AND WELL that half a pound is fine, we're still headed in the right direction, slow is good, shut-up, Mary! and so forth, it was still a little discouraging. At least I'm not crying in my cottage cheese about how hard I've worked and with such puny results because I'm not working hard at all. I'm just eating what's good for me and a lot less of it because that's what I feel like.
Sigh.
So I did the usual Friday stuff. I washed the sheets and I gave myself my weekly dose of Zepbound. I have to say that I am getting pretty good at filling up the syringe, jabbing it into my thigh, and pushing in the whatever-you-call it to dispense the medication into my personal body without any pain at all. This should not be a surprise, seeing as how I used to be a nurse but stabbing/jabbing someone else is not quite the same as doing it to myself. So there was that.
To cheer myself up I did some retail therapy and ordered us something I've been wanting for awhile which is a very, very light muslin blanket for our bed to use as a bedspread. There are a list of reasons why I think that's going to be a good thing but no one needs to hear them. I hope the color of it is as pretty as the picture which is something like this.
And also, of course the log cabin, the lake house, the dock that came with a house, which I still have so little interest in and which Mr. Moon is so thrilled to be working on, putting his own blood, sweat, and tears into it because he loves it and he is doing everything he can so that I will find it pleasing and a place I'd like to spend time in.
The higher me, the me that is the most loving and understanding version of myself understands his need to be doing this and knows that I love him because he is the man he is and that man does love what he loves and that he is proving to himself that he is still capable of working like this, making a dream come true while he still can.
But it's an issue. I won't lie. I doubt we're going to get divorced over it but we need to figure it out.
After that, I swept the house. Every room except the library in fact. The vacuum cleaner is in Georgia too but that's not a big deal. I hate to vacuum with the burning heat of a thousand suns.
Although I haven't done it in so long that perhaps I might not hate it as much now. Who knows?
Maybe I missed it, but why do you hate the cabin so much you won't even darken the door?
ReplyDeleteI am very familiar with the war between your two selves. I go through that myself. I do have a strong selfish streak. When someone brags about giving their last dime, or the shirt off their back, I don't chime in. I will help you till it hurts me, but I don't sacrifice. I don't think it's healthy. If you hate to vacuum, how about a Roomba for the cabin?
ReplyDeleteThe green color of your new blanket is sublime. Cool and restful. Green is perfect, especially for the summer season. Great choice MM.
ReplyDeleteFor me, when I do not like something, taking actions to make things feel better is my response. My mindset is: everything is negotiable, and I am ready to compromise to get what I want.
You are well-loved and pleasing you is likely a high priority.
Can you start decorating the lake house porch with large beautiful potted plants and some comfy colorful seating. Your water view is glorious and very Zen. The porch seems like a very happy place.
The seed grape is glorious. The martini sounds the same. I love the color of the bedspread and I hope, like you, that it doesn’t disappoint. If it gives you hope, I just bought a throw online and the color was exactly what I had expected and hoped for. I hope the idea of the house on the lake with the new wood dock begins to grow on you or at least stops stressing you. What’s wonderful is Mr. Moon is making it fresh and new, and mostly to please you. I’d love a pair of snakeskin shoes.
ReplyDeleteJust about every project Mr. Man has had has been of little or no interest to me.He carries on- I carry on. He is not interested in anything I get involved with so - fifty fifty. Women folk are "supposed" to take interest and be helpers but those days have long gone...
ReplyDeleteI too love the color of the bed thing. I have a white one from the company store that I thought I might dye. Periwinkle!
So, Mary, what do you WANT Glen to be doing? Do you NOT want him to go fishing every few days for an overnight trip? Do you NOT want him to fix up the cabin to make it nice for you? We know you didn't want him to buy the house in the first place, but you can't unring that bell. What would you have him doing there in Lloyd every day - fix people's trucks, weed the garden, kick down the bamboo and then sit...and sit...and sit? He sounds like a vital, skilled, older man who does not want to wither on the vine while life passes him by. He obviously loves you and shows it. He brings you gifts, communicates with you, loves your kids and grandkids and enjoys your family. You are a lucky woman.
ReplyDeleteThank you, Ana, but there are things I do not talk about and of course I would not want him to sit and sit and sit. To even say that is an insult to me. And I never, ever complain about him going off to fish or to hunt. I support him in all of that. Your vision of what goes on may have no basis in reality.
DeleteAnd by the way, he does not generally fix people's trucks nor weed the garden nor kick the bamboo. I do the last two things. I also take most of the garbage to the dump, do any yard work that gets done beside mowing, and do whatever housekeeping gets done. I also do all the shopping, all the cooking, and all the laundry. He is going to take three trips to Canada this fall and early winter to hunt.
And of course I know how lucky I am. I would hope to think he feels lucky too. If I don't enjoy the cabin, then I simply don't enjoy it. If I have resentments, I am simply human.
I apologize for the comments I made that upset you. You are right - you have a right to keep things private and not share everything with us. I guess maybe I was having a bitchy moment myself. I hope you accept my apology and don't block me.
DeleteOf course I would not block you, Ana. And by the way- I found your comment in spam this morning so if you didn't see it before, that's where it went. And I know this is a deeply emotional issue for me with other emotional issues attached.
DeleteI don't think there's anything even remotely bitchy etc about your feelings around the cabin. I think you weren't involved in the decision at least it sounds that way. So I don't see why you're forced to pretend you like the place or sonehow be in the wrong. I think he might feel this is his last big project? That's really up to him. I don't think you're in charge of making nice!
ReplyDeleteI forgot to say I love that green and I hope it's true to that color.
ReplyDeleteThe description of the lake and its contents does sound perfect for Mr. Moon. When you go up there just make sure that you have two cars so that you can come home when you want to.
ReplyDeleteI'm not a fan of vacuuming but I have too many animals to not vacuum. They would find our bodies under masses of shed fur. It wouldn't be pretty:)
ReplyDeleteI hope you guys are able to find a way to both come to a compromise over the cabin. Marriage is hard.
I love the muslin bedspread, and your plants and yard look beautiful. I'm sorry you've been grumpy. I know how much you love Mr. Moon, and the older I get, the more I just think about how annoying men can be. That's me, though, and I hope I haven't offended any of your readers.
ReplyDeleteThat's a very pretty green on the bed, I hope the one that arrives matches it. I have a question: How do you cope with cat hair on things? How do you get it off? I try to get off as much as I can, all I can see anyway, before I put things in the washer, but still there is cat hair on some things and filling the lint catcher of the dryer. I think my home is more cat hair than dust some days. Lola won't be brushed for more than half a minute, but sheds 24/7/365.
ReplyDeleteHow long does it take to get from your house to the lake cabin? Would you be able to "pop" over for the day, or is it more of a few days to make it worth the trip?
ReplyDeleteI think Frances makes a good point - could you go up for a day just to see how you like it, coming back home later if you're happier at home!
ReplyDeleteI love sea grape plants, and can't believe you grew it from seed. It is so nice when I see them growing on my way to the beaches in FL...it's a plant that I've never tried to domesticate, so kudos to you!
ReplyDeleteOK, here's my bad self...that it makes me feel just a little better knowing you and Glen butt heads sometimes because sometimes I'm a little envious of what I perceive as y'alls (almost) perfect life together. You know all the little things, the love notes, the constant communication, that he is so active and DOES things and I imagine you still engage in physical affection (don't mean sex). Not that my situation is bad, just very different.
ReplyDeleteWell, you and Mr. Moon have been together for a long time and we often can see the love shining through between you two. I'm sure you have worked through differences of opinions in the past and I think you will do it again with this issue. I can hear through your writing that you are not wild about the cabin and you don't need to be. I do hear that you are wild about Mr. Moon so I think it will work out some way.
ReplyDeleteMarriage is a dance, isn't it? Tim is very single-minded. He wants things done. Yesterday, I made the mistake of suggesting that we get the bathroom shelves finished. He set right to work. I had a clear vision of what I wanted. He was surprised I wanted the boards painted (white) like the rest of the room trim. I painted the boards. He was grumpy. He began installing everything before it was dry. Paint smears everywhere. I painted the wrong side of the board for one of the supports. He put it up the right way, unpainted side out. One shelf board was slightly too large. He hammered it into place instead of cutting it shorter. I got so mad I cried. I also swore quite a bit. There is no reason that he couldn't wait for the paint to dry. There is no reason he could not cut the shelf 1/4 inch shorter. There is no reason he should have gotten so pissy about the fact I wanted the shelving to match.
ReplyDeleteI don't think it's a question of your "sweet" self versus your "bitchy" self. Rather, you are being asked to genuinely like something that you genuinely don't, and to actively participate in it. That is a very big ask, no matter how big-hearted and beloved the asker.
ReplyDeleteWhether one can "justify" one's gut feelings/preferences or not, they are what they are. And I'm guessing that you feel you are letting Mr. Moon down by not sharing his enthusiasm, which adds frustration and resentment into the mix.
So what happens when wants diverge? You clearly recognize that Mr. Moon's giving up his own strong wants would be akin to your giving up blogging, child-caring, plant-tending, thrift store shopping, etc. So to some extent this is an unresolvable situation-- there is no perfect happy solution.. But given, as a couple, your genuine desire to accommodate, support, and please each other (not to mention enjoy life together!), I'm betting on your both eventually settling into a new living routine that brings more satisfaction than frustration. And maybe accepting the validity of your resentment (rather than writing it off as "bitchiness") would help you get past it and lead towards finding the good parts?
This comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteOK, second try at a comment here. I deleted my first one because I felt I was overstepping, and who am I to give marriage advice, honestly? I'm 58 and I've only been married 15 years of my life. Hardly makes me an authority.
ReplyDeleteI will say that I think coming to terms with the cabin and Mr. Moon's enthusiasm for it is just a matter of time, and I think his coming to terms with your ambivalence requires the same. How's that for stating the obvious?
Your sea grape is so impressive! I continue to be amazed.