All Of This Is True

My hope, when I planted those zinnias, was to have an almost solid glory of chaotic color. And I think we may get close. Even if that doesn't happen, any showing of zinnias is a happy thing for me. 

We need happy right now. We need sweetness. We need beauty. We need respite from our fears and our worries, our outrage and our horror. I woke up this morning from a dream where I had observed, from a window, ICE rounding up workers at a restaurant. I think. I was at once horrified and not surprised. And you know what I did in my dream? I watched for a little while and then...I shut my door and got on with my dream life.
This speaks volumes, I think. 
We all would love to believe that if we were that close to such an event we would step forward, to be witness to, if nothing else. And I thought about that in my dream but I made a conscious decision not to even though I knew that was wrong. 
And I am not pleased with myself at all. When I told Glen about my dream, I cried. I've always known I was something of a coward and my closing of the dream door seems my way of recognizing that cowardice. Or at least show me that it's there. 
I am quite aware that it was people like me who allowed Hitler to do what he did. People who weren't evil or even really bad. People who were probably good, with good hearts, with strong beliefs that what was going on was so very wrong but who were so afraid of what would happen if they stepped forward, that they did not step forward. 
They shut their eyes, their ears, their windows, their doors. 

They said What can I do? I am only one person. 

This isn't what I meant to write about this evening. As if I ever have a plan to begin with. Still. 
It is the truth. 

Meanwhile today I did regular things. My left knee which chronically bothers me and threatens to do more than that, did do more than that this morning. It "went out" on me. Do you know what I mean? It's like all of a sudden the tendons and ligaments forget how to do what they're supposed to do which is to hold it all in place. And it hurts when that happens and it's surprising like, Why are you doing this to me, knee?
And it was swollen and I HAD SHIT TO DO and I was almost sure I had a knee brace because this has happened many times in the past and I dug through the places I thought it might be and could not find it which also made me cry. My mission today was beans!
So on the wild hope that the GDDG might carry some sort of knee braces because they can surprise you like that, I drove down there and by golly, they did. I also found a box of pint Ball jars with lids which Publix doesn't even have because I suppose everyone and their great aunt's husband's sister's garden is coming in now. I was so thrilled. 

I put the brace on as soon as I got home and it did the job. I picked more beans and then I began the process of preparing the two giant bags of beans in the refrigerator for canning. I decided to use quart jars for those because you can get a lot more in the canner at one go that way. I was going to do seven quarts, which is the canner's capacity but after snapping beans for two hours and packing jars, I decided that six quarts would do it. That was all of the refrigerator beans and a few of the ones I picked today. 

Yes! More beans in jars! 

As I just wrote a friend, "When the apocalypse happens, people are going to be begging for my green beans." 
Shoulda thought of that earlier, suckers. 
You know I am so joking because honestly, there is no rhyme or reason to be putting up this many jars of beans. Trust me- they aren't cheaper than store bought. 
But they are better.

Have you seen THIS? 

In short, Texas lawmakers are pushing a bill to test waste water for hormones, specifically the ones found in birth control pills, abortion medication, and hormones which could be used in gender affirming treatment. 
Because they're absolutely terrified these hormonal horrors are going to get in the ground water and pollute it and people will be affected and oh, oh, oh! It's so scary! 
As if trace amounts of hormones pose any risk to the ground water compared to heavy metals, agricultural pest and weed control, and about a million other things that they don't seem to give a shit about. 
They just want one more way to intrude into the privacy of Americans in a way that pleases their need for control. 

Sickening. 

I don't even know what else to say. I'm glad I was able to can beans today. I am glad that we are able to grow things that we can and do preserve. I am glad I could be outside for awhile, even though it was horribly hot because there is no place I'd rather be when I can be. Despite the heat I love the lizards and butterflies and even the wasps and giant grasshoppers and oh yes, the anoles. To observe them as they live their own lives. To watch the garden as the vegetables grow and ripen, to hear the birds as they call and talk about their day. 

It is such a privilege and a joy. 

**************

Can I say that the death of Brian Wilson was a sort of shock? Not specifically because he died but because it felt like the end of something. Not an era- that era ended long ago. But of the burning light of a genius who managed to bring so much damn happiness and pleasure to so many people despite the fact that he came from a history of so much abuse and pain. I remember listening to the Beach Boys when I was in the fifth grade. Their harmonies soared and so did my spirit when I heard them. I would not be who I am if they had not been who they were. I have never not loved them. And they were there because of Brian Wilson. Please let there be peace for him now. I feel sure there is. 

Enough. 

Love...Ms. Moon