The Older I Get, The Less I Know

I honestly do not know what to write about this evening. There is much going on in my heart and in my mind that needs studying,  pondering, and plain old time. Things I need to do and deal with myself.

Jessie and I were talking the other day and she said, "Things just don't get any easier, do they?" 
"No," I said. "They certainly do not." 
It's like what an elderly neighbor told Lis once when her son was just a little guy and being a butt as little guys so often are. She asked the neighbor, "Does it get any easier?" The old lady sighed and said, "No, honey. It just gets different."

And I'd very much like to correct anyone who thinks that with age comes wisdom. In my case, I think with age comes the knowledge that I just know a whole lot more about what I do not know. I may have more experience in some things and even some more knowledge about those things but there are uncharted waters which still must be navigated, most of which I feel completely inadequate to the task of doing. What I've learned so far is mostly that life never, ever quits throwing you challenges and the ones that come in the later years are usually complicated in and of themselves and also complicated by the fact that we are older and we are facing our mortality and we are having to accept the fact that our abilities are diminishing in every way. There are those among us, I'm sure, who do not necessarily find this to be true but I think most of us can relate. 

And while all of this is going on, the seventy or so years behind us are bringing their own weight and complications which affect everything we do or think or say. 

I do believe there are some people who are very pure in the way they think and live. I mean that in a sort of Zen way, being able to accept everything that comes down the road as a new experience instead of a frightening change. And all of us, ALL OF US, have to be able to laugh a lot no matter how we view these changes. 

I guess all of this is to say that there is no way to escape the fact that the road has many uncertain dips and turns, that storms will arise, that old burdens will slow our progress as we travel. 
But we do not always have to like that fact. 
I certainly do not. 

I took it all to the garden today. I weeded and I pulled the cabbages which I had so much hope for. Maybe next year...
There were seven or eight of the scallions we planted that got away from me and I pulled those, their green parts grown far too sturdy to use in cooking except in making broth, I guess. One of them had bloomed and I've stuck that in a vase in the kitchen and I find it remarkably beautiful. 

It wasn't killing heat out there today, but in the sun it got warm enough that a few hours was all I needed to spend in it. 

I've been looking at a sago palm near the house that's needed trimming since winter, as so many of the sago palms all over the area do. 

Brown and yellow and sad looking. So finally I got out my loppers and put on my gloves as protection against the needle-like spines in the fronds and cut each one of them off, loaded them up in the garden cart, and took them to the burn pile. 

Now you can barely tell it was there. 
Fear not, ye sago-lovers! (Is there such a thing?)
A plant which has remained relatively unchanged since it annoyed the brontosauri will never be destroyed by the puny blades of a lopper employed by an old granny. Soon enough it will look like this.

I trimmed that one back to the bone about two months ago. 
You cannot kill these motherfuckers. 

Eventually I'll get around to the ones in the front yard too. It's not a hard job at all. Snip, snip, snip, gather the fronds, haul them to be burned. 
WEAR GLOVES.

If only all of life was like this. When things needed to be gotten under control, made more tidy, made stronger and better looking, we could merely snip and discard the parts we no longer need, making space for new growth. 

This, however, is not how it works. 

Thanks for coming along with me today on this one. Details may be a little vague but what I was trying to say can be applied to almost any situation in our older ages. Younger ages too, for that matter. 

Be strong, be gentle, be truthful, be patient. I think those are the words I need to tell myself. If any of them are useful to you, feel free to use them. 
Meanwhile, keep in mind that I really do not know shit. 

Love...Ms. Moon