What a wearying day! It wasn't horrible but I am tired now. I went into town and got my crown cemented in. That wasn't so bad and did not take long and it seems to be set perfectly. Then, feeling a little sassy about it all, I decided to go to Target, just for fun. I doubt I've been to Target three times since Covid started. So I drove halfway across town and soon discovered that it was not fun. Not fun at all.
What the hell has happened to Target? It reminded me more of K-Mart than a Target. The clothes looked unbelievably cheap and shoddy, the shoe section had shoes all over the floor. Shelves were half empty. Whatever it used to be that attracted me to that store is no longer in evidence. Or else I've just changed. The cosmetic and personal care section is much larger now though, and they seem to have put their bets on that. It's almost like being in a Sephora or an Ulta but not really. Maybe ten years ago I would have been enchanted but no longer.
I found myself feeling that old shopping anxiety coming over me. Too much sensory input, a strong urge to bolt from the store and yet feeling as if I needed to check out everything just in case I was missing something wonderful.
I do not think I was.
I even purposefully shopped for an anniversary card for May and Michael and found nothing that I would even consider buying. I bought a few things. A child's version of Monopoly to play with the kids, a gallon of bleach, two barrettes. That was about it. It was ridiculous to spend all of that time being unhappy, to walk out of the store with that.
And I was so hungry when I finally left there that I was in that low blood-sugar place where you can't figure out what you should eat or where you can get it but I ended up at a local sandwich/salad place and got a turkey rueben which was pretty good but just as I started to eat I got a call from Mr. Moon. He had taken his Camaro into a shop to have a mechanic do some wiring on it that he could not figure out and it was ready to be picked up which would involve me going home and getting him to take him to get the car.
I could have cried.
I still had Costco and Publix to do and was already tired and beating myself up for going to Target but what was there to do but to eat my sandwich, get the rest of my shopping done, come home, unload and put everything away, and then drive my husband back to Tallahassee.
So I did.
And it wasn't so bad. Driving home by myself I went on a backroad which still looks like old Tallahassee for at least part of the way. I cannot believe the construction going on in that town. Apartment buildings and medical facilities and new restaurants and new strip malls and, and, and. Everywhere I look. And as someone who navigates by landmarks, I am confused.
Where the hell am I? I often find myself asking.
I mean, I know where I am but it doesn't seem like I'm where I am because whatever used to be there is not there any longer and something else, bigger and newer, is.
So coming home on that back road with old houses and fields and a canopy of oak trees was soothing to my soul and I enjoyed it. I passed so many azaleas blooming like fuchsia flames not a green leaf to be seen because of the multitudes of blossoms. I saw wisteria purpling entire trees, rising up into the sky. I saw the small white blossoms of wild plum covering trees unexpectedly growing in the woods that I passed, completely unnoticed but for a week or two this time every year.
And now I am home in Lloyd where yes, we do indeed have new construction, new growth, but nothing like Tallahassee. My landmarks are here, and so is my heart.
Mr. Moon is sniffling and coughing and blowing his nose and having a rougher time with this flu than I did. He's worked on a boat all day but decided not to go to the gym. I bought him industrial strength cough drops to help with the constant post nasal drip burning his throat and some NyQuil for him to take before bed if he wants. I noticed when I was looking for OTC meds to help him, that those shelves in both Target and Publix were spare. I guess everyone is sick. Throw in the yellow blanket of pine and oak pollen that covers everything and which many are very allergic to and which cause problems even with people who aren't, and we are a hacking, sneezing mess in North Florida right now.
Can't have the beauty without the bother and you can quote me on that one. Or as my mother used to say, "One has to suffer for beauty."
Wait. She may not have said that.
She did without doubt say, "Make yourself useful as well as so darn good-looking." I always thought that was hysterical.
That one's definitely worth quoting. Feel free.