Wednesday, February 21, 2018

I Did Not Go

This is what happened in Tallahassee today. Crowd estimates of well over five thousand people showed up for the Never Again rally. Here's a video of students speaking with Republican lawmakers.

My favorite part is at the end where the students follow the lawmaker downstairs, still asking their reasoned, reasonable questions.
In the comments section where that video is posted, someone said that the children were "indoctrinated and emotional."
What sort of absolutely delusional thinking is that?

And oh, y'all. I was not there.
Even though I believe in this mission to strip the NRA of its insane power with all of my heart, even though I have never in my life been in as much gobsmacked amazement as I am right now at the way these young people are handling themselves and organizing and coming together and presenting this issue, and even though I KNOW that every person there was making a statement of support and strength, I was not one of them.

I never was a protest person. I believe the only protest I've ever attended was for the ERA many, many years ago and thousands of us marched down the road to the capitol that you can see in the picture at the top of this post. I am the sort of person for whom the mall is a place to be avoided at all costs. I am the sort of person who thinks about the parking situation for an event and decides not to go. I am the sort of person who can't stand crowds.

And yet, I am also the sort of person who wishes she was the sort of person who had taken her eight-year old grandson to this rally not only to represent, but to show him how democracy works.
I bet you almost any amount of money that I know at least a hundred people or more who did attend that rally.
And god, I love them for doing it.

Well. This is the way it is. This is the way I am.

Instead, I took another very long walk and I noticed the yellow jessamine which seems to be blooming in far more profusion than I have ever seen it.

I saw sulphur butterflies almost the same color as the jessamine which, flying, looked like escaped blossoms, fluttering free in the air. 

I stopped on the bridge and looked at the creek, calm and dark with tannins, like an artery in the body of life on earth. 

I took note of the purple violets blooming in last year's fallen yellow weeds making a carpet of colors.

I came home and I ate my lunch and I watched the live-streaming of the rally and I felt guilty, guilty, and I cleaned out the hen house and did the small, never-ending chores of life.

I feel unsettled. I should have been there. 
I feel ashamed. I should have been there. 
I feel like a hypocrite. I should have been there. 

I wasn't. That is all there is to it. 
But I vote. Always. Of course. 
And try to take comfort in knowing that there are many ways to do the right thing. There are many paths to create change. And that each of us is uniquely capable of doing something which will ultimately be a small piece of there being more light, more love, more justice, more peace, more safety, more understanding, more hope, more laughter, more just plain goodness in the world. 

I tell myself that. 
I hope it's true. 

Love...Ms. Moon 


  1. Honey-sometimes all we can do is notice the beauty all around us...and that's enough. I am SO PROUD of those youngsters for showing up with their hearts and their passion. Fuck the cynics who say stupid-ass things about their activism.

    It's hard sometimes to be in this life. I don't have 'those thoughts' but a bit of sunshine would certainly help in this gloomy town.

    And thanks for sending your love across the way. I'm feeling it.

    XXX Beth

    1. You know I mean it, Beth. You know.

  2. It is true! All is needed. Those who cook the food to sustain the warrior and provide the nurture for them to come back to rest are just as vital to the fight for right. I did protest when young. Now as a crone and a disabled one l bear witness. I am there to support if needed. If l was more robust would l still be on the front line? I think not although many veterans are and good for them. I am glad they are there with the young. They need some elders but this is their time. I am glad to see them take up the fight. I am proud of them. I hope they prevail against the madness too long in the hands of old power crazy men. Maggi in England which has also lost all reason x

    1. Meant to say l am proud of you too You raised wonderful humans who know and speak out for what is right and good and with them are raising their children the same way. You give strength to many people with your writing. You give me more strength and comfort than you will ever know. You do Your part and l am thankful. Maggi x

  3. You didn’t need to be there dear Mary. Don’t be hard on yourself. You do amazing work in this regard simply by writing here, by talking to your children and grandchildren, by noticing the beauty of the world, by loving those amazing and brave teens. There are many ways to enlarge the good in the world. You are part of that.

  4. It's absolutely true. So damn proud of these kids. They will all be voting soon.

  5. Mary, you have raised your children to be brave honest feminist creative warriors. You did not need to be there.

  6. I too have missed a lot of rallies I should have been at.

    Your job is well and truly done in raising a host of children and grandchildren who are rightminded and righthearted. It's not like you didn't put a lot of effort into that. And at the end of the day, it's the very best way to fight.

  7. We are all active in different ways, and you certainly participate in the process, not least by expressing your views on this blog! We can't all be marchers. I read an article in the evil NYT about how the right-wingers are circulating all sorts of conspiracy theories about the students from Parkland -- they're funded by George Soros, they're not really students at all, they're just paid actors, blah blah blah. They have to delegitimatize this movement because these kids are such a threat with their common-sense questions and demands! (And since when is being "emotional" a bad thing? I'd be emotional too if my school got shot up by a kid with an assault rifle.)

  8. There are so many ways to support a cause and looking after grandchildren is one of them. Helping day in day out them to grow into responsible adults while never giving up their childhood dreams - maybe a bigger task than marching.

  9. You are absolutely correct, there are many ways to do the right thing. No need to feel guilty. Your blog makes a difference in so many ways. Keep up the good work.

  10. yes to what everyone has said. I hitchhiked to Washington DC from Chicago with friends to protest the Viet Nam war in my early 20s. I won't be driving to Houston to attend any protests there if they happen. I'm going to be 68 this year. I'll do what I can to support others and I vote.

  11. Your blog is an oasis of sanity. Don’t be so hard on yourself... :)

  12. I wasn't going to go because I was worried about the crowds, but at the last minute I decided to get in my car and drive down there just to see if I could get close enough to park and walk to the Capitol. I was lucky enough to do just that and I'm so glad I did! Those kids are amazing. I wasn't able to stay for the whole thing because I had to leave in time to go pick up my grandson from school, but I got some photos and videos which I posted on my blog yesterday if you want to take a look.


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