1. Maybe they know what to do about it, and
2. They have real drugs there.
And when I had my kidney stone and it passed, the relief was so intense that I will never in this lifetime forget it. It was like a switch being flicked. One second I was dying, or thought I was and maybe hoping I was and then...no pain. Nothing. Normal. Light flooded my being and the world as I knew it was restored.
This is how I feel when I've been going through the crazies and they suddenly, almost as quickly as that kidney stone passed, disappear.
Or, mostly.
I had a wonderful day and it was as normal and prosaic as a toasted cheese sandwich, and by the way, we had those. Toasted cheese sandwiches. But the thing is- I woke up this morning to find that the crippling anxiety I've been experiencing had disappeared. This is not to say that I have NO anxiety. This is merely to say that the kind I've been having which is the kind that no one on this earth deserves, had gone. And the relief made every little thing more beautiful. Every bit of the day was, if not glory, glory hallelujah! at least, fine.
Don't even ask me why that happened. Maybe this, maybe that. I ain't looking the gift horse in the mouth, though. Not me, baby. Not me.
I enjoyed my boys so much. Talking with Owen is definitely interesting these days. This morning he told me, "Mer-Mer, I sorry you getting old. I really going to miss you."
This cracked me up. I told him, "Don't worry, honey. We're all getting old and I'm not that old. I can still take care of you very, very well."
He agreed that this was true and we went on to the next subject.
That simple. That sweet. Books and cards and puzzles and cartoons and conversations and chickens and toasted cheese and apples and it was perfect, simply because there is some sort of peace in my soul.
And honey, if I could control this shit, I surely would. Maybe someday I'll be able to do that- figure out how to not do what causes the anxiety and figure out how to get rid of it if it comes.
But until then, I need to remember that it does, like a kidney stone, pass. And that my world will once again be light-filled and I will be able to be grateful I'm alive once again.
Oh, I am glad :)
ReplyDeleteOh god yes, sadly I relate to the anxiety thing all too well. One day I'm peeking through the shades and the next, the blinds are wide open.
ReplyDeleteHooray for feeling well.
ReplyDeletePeople really want us to control that shit. They often don't understand why we can't. I certainly want to control my anxiety. And yes, there are little mitigations. But, yeah, I'm with you....turn away from the horse--or at least don't let him open his mouth.
There is so much we don't know. But we think we are so smart.
ReplyDeleteThat Owen, a young Keith perhaps? Insouciant, don't you think?
ReplyDeleteBless you, dear Mary.
I know what you mean and I'm so glad.
ReplyDeleteStephanie- You and me both, baby.
ReplyDeleteRubye Jack- Perfect way to describe it.
Denise- I'm just jumping on his back and going for a little ride down the road.
Ellen Abbott- I don't. Think I'm smart. But yes, we humans tend to do that.
Beth Coyote- I keep thinking that too. Isn't that silly? But still. He certainly has his own sense of how he wants to be.
Angella- I know you know. It's so odd, isn't it?
So, so glad your anxiety has lifted. Anxiety is a bitch. Owen DOES look like a rockstar! I'm thankful right along with you for your good day. I hope tomorrow brings more of the same!
ReplyDeleteVery. Sweet. And yes, such a rock star! :)
ReplyDeleteSo glad for you, stepping into some lightness. I hope it lasts. And so amused at Owens I really gonna miss you - cracked me up.
ReplyDeletexo
Awesome photo. He always looks so advanced for his age. What a great day!
ReplyDelete-michele r
Yea, it's like every time it comes for me, I forget that it will pass and that makes me panic even more... yuck.
ReplyDeleteI'm so happy you passed it. I think spending the day nibbling grilled cheese and hangin with the mini rock stars in fabulous Lloyd is an excellent way to celebrate!
May your deliverance (from the crazies) be a lasting one. I mean it.
xo
I've also had a kidney stone and holy mother, worst pain in this life. I've also had the anxiety, worst pain in the soul. Thankfully, with enough water, they both pass. Glad you had a bright sunshiny day.
ReplyDeleteI'm so glad you made it through that rough patch. Having the kids around is a major part of that boost, I'm sure!
ReplyDeleteA lot has happened with the passing of your mom. Sadly I know how you feel only too well. But I too am surprised with the resiliency of our beings and at the worst of times I hold that knowing close. Your babies will always provide you with comfort and joy and a reason to plow through that awful anxiety. And your children and Mr Moon. All of your people. I am glad you share so openly and honestly. I am sure it helps you in a small way and it helps so many of us. I am glad it was a good day. S. Jo
ReplyDeleteNice that you are feeling better and whatever it was that was causing you to be anxious has passed. Every day is a new day filled with much promise.
ReplyDeleteMy anxiety does not come on or pass quickly like that but I am always very aware when it is gone.
ReplyDeleteI am more than glad yours has taken a hike.