There either will or will not be a video at the top of this page. I just don't have it in me to fuck with the whole YouTube thing. It's only about a five second vid that I took of the rain we were getting this afternoon which was a cooling blessing and a relief.
I know.
I know.
Glen and I couldn't even watch any returns last night. I had a horrible feeling. I think I've known for a while that Trump was going to win. I don't think that Jesus Christ himself could have won against him. America is just so broken and we have become so sick that yes, millions and millions of people voted for what is no doubt the least qualified candidate for president in our history, a criminal, a buffoon, an undeniably evil person, an adulterer, a rapist.
Who has dementia.
We all know this. No need to preach to the already saved, a term I read in a book last week.
So as I was saying, last night I could not stop crying. I was terrified. I couldn't talk, it was so bad. And I went to bed and I went to sleep as soon as I could because I did not want to be here anymore and when I say here I mean on this planet at this particular time in this country.
So I slept. And every time I woke up I thought of checking my phone for the results but I did not because I consciously made the decision not to know for a few more hours. At 7:30 I could sleep no longer and I reached, finally, for the phone, went to the NYT's app and there it was.
Glen is very, very upset too. "How can people be so stupid?" he asked me this morning. Neither one of us has hardly been able to talk today. I am afraid to give voice to the fears in my head about what is before us. I know that last time he was elected we all tried to comfort ourselves by saying, "Oh, it might not be that bad," and then it was bad and then it got worse and then worse and then worse and there was no stopping the horror. And now? Republicans have the House, they have the Senate. Trump's advisors are all as batshit crazy as he is and many of them have spent time in jail. And say what you will about Mike Pence, he at least had some sort of moral compass and obviously J.D. Vance lost anything resembling one that he may have had a long, long time ago. And oh, I just read that even though Pence refused to support Trump in this race, he is now congratulating him.
I'll shut up now. My words won't do a bit of good. They're just the spitting out of a brain fried by fear.
So I've cleaned today. Again. I've cleaned things that no one in this world would ever notice but me. I've texted with my children and what a strange time this is for us- here we are on the brink of celebrating Hank and Rachel and at the same time, we are all trying to make any sense of what just happened.
I will end with what May wrote last night in response to a text I wrote to the group about not being able to stay up any longer:
"I love all of you so much and my generation had such hope and now this is the result of all of that."
To which my daughter, my very wise and eloquent daughter responded to with this:
"It's ok to go to sleep, but also Mama, your generation gave us rights, many of which still hold even if some have been taken away. That doesn't negate all the lives that those rights saved. That doesn't negate the fact that Hank and Rachel will be able to be married in just a few days because of the seeds y'all sowed, and the work your generation started and did. The reason I find myself filled with righteous rage is because you put the belief that rage for rights for ourselves and others is righteous, that rights and protections for health care and equal representation are righteous. No matter what happens, you and so many of your generation have given us the truth, and the truth is that love will out, life will out, and no matter what, we will protect who we love and what is right."
No one could have said it better in my opinion.
And now I will go finish cleaning the oven door.
Yours in Rage and in Love...Ms. Moon
Same
ReplyDeleteHow can we not be?
Deleteperfect May response. I can NOT say more tonight...... can any of us? NO, we cannot
ReplyDeleteSusan M
We are in such early days, dealing with this.
DeleteMy wife has been in her room all day, reading a Caleb Carr book about his relationship with his cat. She won't turn on the t.v., she forbids me to talk about the election because "it makes me nauseous." So I've kept busy most of the day. But I, too, am full of foreboding about where our country will go next and where, where in hell, did all of those people who voted for the scumbag come from. Where were they educated, if they were. What is wrong with so many of my fellow Americans? I have no answers.
ReplyDeleteI'm clueless too. Your wife's reaction sounds perfectly reasonable and sane to me. Whatever gets us through the night. Or day.
DeleteThank you, May, for that perfect response!
ReplyDeleteSick at heart, sick to my stomach, sick of all things Orange!
We are all here for each other! Kamala's concession speech was brilliant!
♥️
May is a very wise woman.
DeleteYes. The whole situation is indeed sickening. Literally.
Raging... and love back at ya.
ReplyDeleteSometimes rage is the only appropriate emotion.
DeleteThank you for sharing May's wise words.
ReplyDeleteI can't talk about any of this right now. I tried to write a blog post and kept deleting everything I typed. Nothing seemed adequate for the horror of it all.
Just getting through this day has been exhausting. So much anxiety. So many tears. I'm having to take things moment by moment, reminding myself to breathe.
I know, sweet lady. We can't even define how we feel right now and as soon as we do, another emotion takes its place. That's all right. Moment by moment is good.
DeleteAs you did, I went to bed. Slept very fitfully. Had many frightening dreams that were telling me what I knew in my heart had happened, but I too waited until about 7:30 to look at my phone and weep.
ReplyDeleteYour beautiful May reminds me, through her wise words, of my own two beautiful daughters. Margaret
Well, we handled election night the same exact way.
DeleteAnd I am so glad that you have daughters like I do.
We won the lottery with our two great girls, aka our two great middle-aged women, who will, even as they have begun mothering us in our dotage, always be our babies. Margaret
DeleteWell, May is right, of course. I hope the wedding is wonderful.
ReplyDeleteI think the wedding is going to be fabulous.
DeleteI've been rage cleaning today too. At least my bathrooms got clean.
ReplyDeleteSending hugs and love.
Yes. Rage cleaning is probably better than rage baking. At least in the long run. I did make eggrolls last night and the chopping of all the vegetables felt like a good thing to do.
DeleteI've gone numb. I didn't sleep a wink last night, knot in my stomach kept me awake. This was the outcome I'd known was coming but still hoped it wouldn't. Driving through the countryside in Wisconsin these last few weeks, there were sign after sign for rump, and almost none for Kamala. Same for the senator seat, all gop. I could see the writing on the wall. So much evil.
ReplyDeleteIt just didn't feel right, did it? There was none of that sense of impending celebration.
DeleteNumb is something I've been feeling a lot too.
Oh Mary… I’m so sad for this country! I didn’t watch any tv last night, expecting the worst.. I have been cleaning too!! And can I just say: your daughters are so amazing - what they write is so beautiful! And true! We’ll just have to keep on loving and being kind to ourselves and or family and neighbors… and what a joy to have wedding coming up!❤️🥰 Much love, Rigmor❤️
ReplyDeleteAs I see it- we absolutely just have to keep treating others as we ourselves would want to be treated. We probably couldn't change that now if we wanted to.
DeleteI have no words. I think I also knew deep down. I'm mostly numb right now.
ReplyDeleteIsn't it funny how many of us had that fear in our guts?
DeleteYou pretty much summed up how I feel. Only difference is that I believed that she was going to win, not a landslide but a comfortable win. I was so, so wrong. I had no idea that so many people would chose that deeply flawed, mentally ill and dangerous man over a brilliant, articulate woman who was more than able to do the job. I grieve for all of us that have lost so much, but especially for the women of this country who will suffer the most. We will go on, but it will not be easy.
ReplyDeletebeautifully said Jim!
DeleteSusan M
Why any woman, person of color, member of the queer community, or anyone with two brain cells to rub together would vote for him says far more about our citizens than it does about him. Everyone but rich white cis men are going to be directly affected by this travesty.
DeleteLike many, I did not believe Americans would choose DT over KH. Something is very, very wrong. How so many Americans can overlook DT's history truly makes no sense. We are raised to know right from wrong. How did we every get to this point? I have no answers, only questions.
ReplyDeleteNot everyone was raised to know right from wrong. That's one problem. And just because someone knows right from wrong does not mean they choose right. I think that people are going to be trying to figure out how and why this man was elected for a second time for many, many years.
DeleteAt least you have got the wedding to look forward to when President Hank marries his running mate Rachel and there is joy and welcome distraction aplenty. Hold your loved ones close. Four years to go.
ReplyDeleteLet us hope it is only four years. I am not sure he will not try to install himself as dictator rather than president.
DeleteI'm still numb but trying to breathe. I was hopeful but not surprised to see it go the way it did. Hate won and we all lose. My two college grands are shellshocked, first presidential election they've been eligible to vote. You dear Mary and dear May say it so well.
ReplyDeleteDeb, I can only imagine how your college aged grandchildren feel about this election. Probably as if they've been lied to their entire lives about the democratic process and the wisdom of voters.
DeleteBeautifully said, both you and May. Rage cleaning here too with some time outside to remind myself beauty still exists. Exhausted and glad I’m old. I don’t want to be around to see how much worse things can get. Thanks for sharing May’s words, they’ve helped me.
ReplyDeleteXoxo
Barbara
Barbara, I have had that same thought. Thankful I am old.
DeleteThis is so bad- it will get worse- we will either have to be clever enough to work around it to survive or we will have to leave the country. The fascists will unravel every thing good that has been achieved- trans folk , gay folk, women all sorts, any0ne with melanin, anyone poor- civil rights, education, libraries, medicare, social security, government funded anything. A major shift about to shock us all into a stupor. It has been played before and we said "never again"....
ReplyDeleteOh yes. We haven't even begun to get to the bad parts yet.
DeleteI hear people say, "Well, if it's as bad as we think it might be, we have to remember that Hitler did not succeed in the long run." And I think, "Yeah. And how many people died to make that happen?"
I love May’s response. So perfect. Do not let any of this dim the joy of the beautiful event coming up for your family on Saturday. Let the brilliance of that fill all our hearts. Hank and Rachel! May is right.
ReplyDeleteHank and Rachel. That is what's important. They and their love. You are right.
DeleteUp here, over the northern border, so many (SO MANY) of us are aghast; not only at the consequences within the US, but outwith it too. We had hope, so much hope, that our friends and neighbours to the south could finally put the dark era of that man behind you. Now though, we are in equal measures astounded in our disbelief, and yes, fearful that this lunatic with less morals than my cat (though considerably more felonies) will destroy so much.
ReplyDeleteOur hearts and our homes, if needed, are open to you.
This weekend though, light will shine on Hank and Rachel; and love without measure.
Mrs F with 4
I bet Canada is gearing up to deal with a whole lot of Americans who want to emigrate. I surely have been hearing a lot of talk about passport renewals. Of course, there will be repercussions all over the world because of the election but living under the direct effects will not be easy.
DeleteOn Saturday, it will very much be all about Hank and Rachel.
I am so sad for all of you over there. 😢😢😢
ReplyDeleteThank you, River. Please know that not all Americans are insane racists.
DeleteI do know that and love you all for it.
Deletenothing to say but shit
ReplyDeleteOh, I can think of some other words. All profane, of course.
DeleteI was trying to stay classy, but shit is the tip of the iceberg
DeleteCelebrate Hank and Rachel's wedding with great joy! That would not have happened when we were young so, yes, your May is right. We have made great strides and we will make more. We won't give up and if we are tired, the young will take over our fight.
ReplyDeleteTrump won less votes than he did in 2020. The majority of our country is not behind him. Millions didn't vote at all and they are the ones that caused this mess.
Yes- but why didn't they vote? I fear it was because they could not handle the idea of voting for a woman of color. I could be wrong but that's what I think.
DeleteYou are so right about Hank and Rachel. Hell, when we were growing up, there. WERE no gay people, right?
I am so glad that's changed. Now let us fight to keep it from happening again.
Yours in Rage and in Love too my Friend. Congrats to Hank and Rachel... and I need someone like you right now to be on a Cleaning Binge... winks.
ReplyDeleteI think I'm done with cleaning, to be honest!
DeleteThe thing about life is that it goes on.
ReplyDeleteThings don't always go our way and it can be hard accepting that.
Just breathe in, breathe out and keep putting one foot in front of the other and before you know it, Hanks wedding day will be here. That's where we win, amongst our kin and our beloved.
Sending hugs.xx
That is definitely where the love is.
DeleteRage and love is a good combination at this point in time. May is right -- there's a kind of beauty in the fact that Rachel and Hank are getting married now -- a rebuttal of sorts, even though they didn't plan it that way. (And they may not necessarily want their wedding to be a rebuttal, but anyway...)
ReplyDeleteI keep reading about who voted this way and why. Even though it's millions of people I still don't understand it. I'm trying, but I'm not there yet.
Steve, as I said in another response, I think the pundits will be trying to figure this out for many, many years.
DeleteAnd you're right- in a way, Hank and Rachel's marriage is a big "Oh yeah?" to the Republicans who want to make go back to the days when every gay person was closeted.
Raging and mourning and grateful for you and yours. May wrote beautifully.
ReplyDeleteShe is the writer of the family, Mitchell. You would love her.
DeleteMarc and I didn't talk much on Wednesday either. I got up before he did and he took one look at my face and knew. I slept ok Tuesday night but did not sleep well at all last night. and then I had to go to SHARE this morning and work with people who 99% probably voted for Trump. it's a good thing we were busy because I just couldn't bring myself to hang around with any of them like I do when it's slow knowing that for all their christian values, they still voted for that skunk and have wrought disaster on us all.
ReplyDeleteThat, to me, is one of the biggest conundrums- how could anyone who calls themselves a Christian vote for a man who has broken every Biblical law there is and certainly is the very opposite of Christ-like? Are these people STUPID? I guess religion is a great way to set people up for magical thinking.
DeleteYes, I knew too. But wanted so much to believe our country is better than this. But no. Celebrity culture wins again. I have just been numb all day. No energy, no sense of purpose, no nothing.
ReplyDeleteThank you for May's wise words.
ReplyDeleteChris from Boise