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It has been a strange, rather difficult day but Glen just sent me that picture and just as I know it is soothing his soul, it soothes mine too. He has taken the kayak out onto Lake Miccosukee which is right down the road in the opposite direction of the Wacissa. He has had a very good breakthrough today and has dealt with a worry that has been worrying him recently. It was an issue concerning a friend and finally, he directly addressed it and it turns out all is absolutely fine and I know he's so relieved. I hope he will sleep well tonight as he surely did not last night. 

When I woke up this morning I had to struggle out of a completely absurd and yet, not abnormal dream for me. The general outline was that somehow I had joined the military and was about to be sent across the world to serve somewhere and of course I had a small child to take care of and I was desperate to get out of my service. "I have no passport!" I kept saying. "Neither does my baby!" 
But you know, being the military, that was not a problem and when the dream ended, my fate was still up in the air although the baby had turned into a baby chick whose name was Soda. 
Soda? Really? 

There was more but why report such ridiculousness? I can almost hear my brain every night trying to decide how to deliver my nightly dose of anxiety and insecurity in new and different ways with new and different scenarios.

So when I went out to kiss my husband good morning I was already almost in tears from the dream and from the fact that my sciatica was pretty darn bad and my left knee feels like it's going to unhinge itself and obviously I have lived long enough and blah, blah, fucking blah, and there was my husband, sparking with anxiety and having slept very, very little and oh boy. We were just a mess. 
We were able to eventually make ourselves laugh about it all and when I read Steve Reed's blog and Deb's blog and they both started out by saying that they had not been able to sleep the night before, I told Glen about it and he said, "Well, at least I don't feel so alone anymore."

So thank you, sweet bloggers for your honesty. 

Glen's main issue had been resolved within a few hours and because of his relief, I felt relief as well because although I know I can't do anything when these episodes occur, it makes me feel so inadequate and sad that I can't. But my physical pain continued. 
Although I am not a doctor I feel quite confident that I know where this pain is coming from. Here's a good illustration of how sciatica occurs and where it occurs in the body. 

Luckily, most of my pain is centered in that upper part as I so elegantly described as being in my buttock the other day. Now. Do I have a bulging or herniated disc? 
That I do not know. But if I do, I know for sure that there is no quick fix. There just isn't. 

So I decided to go pick the very last of the beans (that I was going to pick, anyway) and pull the plants. It was much cooler today which was a blessing. I wouldn't call it "cool" exactly, but definitely less hot than it has been. However, after a half hour of picking beans, I realized I just could not do any more and probably should not do any more and I didn't. But I was glad to get those picked. I also cut the butternut squashes. 

And then I sat on the couch and shelled beans and watched TV. Even sitting is not that comfortable. I took some ibuprofen and that helped some. 

I think I'm just going to have to rest for a little while and that's all there is to it. 

But I feel I must discuss something here that I did yesterday. I didn't bring it up then because you know me- Ms. Modest, Ms. Demure, I did not want to take any of focus off of ROSEMARIE AND KITANJI BROWN JACKSON for co-writing the most important book of the year, most likely, and my accomplishment almost approached theirs in scope and achievement. 

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

I cleaned my refrigerator. 

Before.

After.

I've been trying to kick my ass in gear for days to do this job and finally, I saw an article about a new trend called "Fridgescaping" and I knew it was a sign. 

Mostly a sign that the women of America are slowly and surely losing their fucking minds. First tradwives and now this. I suppose that tradwives are big on Fridgescaping. 

So no. I did not put flowers or framed mini-portraits in my refrigerator, nor did I pour all my liquids into charming glass pitchers but I did take everything out, throw out and pour out all the things that needed to be dumped, and gave it all a good scrubbing. 
And it did make me feel better. Plus, I can find the food I'm looking for in there. 

And that's about all I'm up to these days although wouldn't some of my zinnias look darling next to the pickles? 

Love...Ms. Moon