Tuesday, July 9, 2024

So I Felt A Little Bitchy Today


Another short walk this morning, another dance with heat stroke. I swear.
Do you remember this house? Someone is cleaning it up and as I noted last time I posted a picture of it, it was getting painted. I want so badly to go up on the porch and peek in but I am such a ridiculous rule-follower that the "Posted" sign in the window beside the door is enough to dissuade me. Although the house has been somewhat tended to and the bushes around it have been cut back, it still seems a bit creepy to me but I think that if someone with a good spirit, and a lot of love and porch plants took it over, it could be darling. 

I crossed paths with my across-the-street neighbors when they were coming out of the PO and we stopped to chat for a minute. They couldn't believe I was out walking in this heat. I assured them that it was just a short walk, done simply to "keep things moving." They laughed at that. We're about all the same age. As I told them, the problem is that if I take a walk, I'm done with being outside and can't work in the garden. Today I decided that was NOT going to happen so after I cooled off and had lunch, I took my picking basket out and found a few more green beans, an eggplant that I guess is big enough to pick, another half ton of cherry tomatoes, some field peas and some big tomatoes that were starting to color up. 


Doesn't look like much but that's a deep basket. 
And now the regular sized tomatoes are my new what in hell am I going to do with all these? problem.


I do believe it is time to make a tomato pie. 



Between the cherry tomatoes and the big ones, I have at least six varieties ripe or ripening. I have decided that the tomatoes in the paper bag do not ripen nearly as well as the ones I bring in and just set down in the open air. 

So I did that picking and I knew I should find something to do in the house but I still can't find my pin cushion which is pissing me off. Now, I know I have another pin cushion and I also have more needles (thank you, Linda Sue!) and more pins but I like the other one better. I'm just going to have to suck it up and make use of the less preferred one. 
I've been cranky all day and although it seems like being cranky when you're the only one around isn't really a thing, it is. I can be as cranky to myself as I can be to anyone else. And somehow my crankiness was telling me that I needed to do at least a little more work in the garden and that's all there was to it, just like a shrill housewife telling her husband that there are chores he must attend to so get off your lazy ass!

Not that I would ever, ever say those words to my husband but my inner cranky bitch is not shy to say the words to myself. I really wanted to stake my eggplants because they have fallen over entirely with the fruit laying on the ground. I had a long conversation with Mr. Moon about this yesterday, asking where the loppers were because I wanted to cut some bamboo to use as stakes and he told me where he thought they were and I looked and sure enough, that's where they were. 
Now here's the problem- when I'm working outside in this heat, there is a time limit and after that limit has passed, I am not even functional. I'm not kidding. So I went out and cut a bamboo that had grown up by the back fence and trimmed it and cut it into three pieces. 


Maurice supervising the bamboo cutting.

I'd made some strips to tie the eggplant to the bamboo with and had those in my pocket along with my clippers which I used to trim up the bamboo. 
I got the bamboo cut and the trimmings on the burn pile and by that time I was getting close to the limit I was speaking of. I'm dragging bamboo and carrying those loppers and sweat's pouring off of me and soaking all of my clothes and I realize, even as I'm doing this, that the stakes I'm creating are not tall enough and probably not big enough around. However. This is what I have and this is what I shall use, all the while thinking how Glen would just die if he saw me doing such a pitiful job. "If it's worth doing, it's worth doing right," is his motto. Let me just add, "Unless you're outside in terrible heat and humidity and you have about a hundredth of a tank of energy left, in which case, if a job's worth doing, just do it and don't let it kill you."

I got my first bamboo stake into the ground and went to tie it with one of the strips of cloth I'd prepared for that purpose and discovered that the fabric of that cloth was hardly better than nothing. It was rotten. I have no idea why. I mean, I made the strips from a napkin that I've probably had for twenty years and bleached two hundred times. 
BUT. I made do because there was no way I was going to walk all the way back to the house, a distance that seemed like five miles despite it only being about a hundred yards or something like that, to make better strips. And I did this three times for three different eggplant plants, only to realize I had FOUR eggplant plants so three are inadequately staked and one is still lying on the ground. 


My goal tomorrow is to remedy this situation. 
I have other goals too but that is the most immediate one. 
I found a nursery label for the eggplants and I think they are called something like, "Little Fingers." 
I know damn well I did not buy four of the same variety of eggplants so I suppose at least one or two were mislabeled.

And at that point, the tank was empty and I was running on reserves. I made my way the five miles back to the house and cooled off again. I wonder how much water I've drunk today? A gallon, probably. 

And I'm still cranky even though it has rained some and is cooler. It's only eighty on the porch instead of ninety which is a huge difference. Of course now it's more humid than ever. I even sat down at the piano and before I knew it, forty-five minutes had passed which was a shock and I enjoyed that and I watched an episode of "Reservation Dogs" while I snapped a few more pole beans which I may or may not can tomorrow. 

So it goes, so it goes. 

I wanted to say that when I write about some of the things that happened to me as a child, I am not necessarily sad. Please don't feel sorry for me. I am not going to say that plenty of other people have had worse, MUCH worse happen to them because my trauma is my trauma. Your trauma is your trauma. There is no contest here about whose was worse. And of course, having said that, I feel that I must rush in and say that compared to others, mine was not so bad. Because that is how we are taught to feel. 
I write about it simply to say that this is what happened to me and this is how it affects me to this day and that I know many of you have been through things that you cope with and deal with in your own way every moment of your life and by god, here we are. 
And isn't that amazing?
I think so. Even when I am cranky, I think so. 

I do believe I will have a lovely bacon and tomato sandwich for supper tonight. I wonder what Mr. Moon will be eating for his dining pleasure. He sent me a picture a little while ago of him and Brenda, the volleyball girl, her parents, and a cousin and his wife and I'd love to post it but...privacy. Take my word that there are some tall people in that picture. 

I've droned on plenty long enough. 

Love...Ms. Moon


37 comments:

  1. It's hot as hell here too, not Florida hot, but Edmonton hot. When Jack got home from daycare we had a water fight, all three of us and we all cooled down nicely.
    We also went to court today and him living with us and visiting his mom two nights a week has been extended for nine month which is good. Gracie didn't argue or resist at all. It's the first time I've ever seen her put Jack ahead of herself. It was good.

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    1. I just looked at Edmondton's temperatures and honey, that is HOT!
      A water fight sounds perfect.
      So glad to hear about the court visit. Excellent news!

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  2. I don't know how you function in so much heat and humidity. After you abuse yourself tomorrow I hope you can work in the cool of the kitchen.

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    1. I hardly abused myself at all today! And I didn't work in the kitchen either.

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  3. There's a comedy duo from Scotland called The Krankies. Perhaps in your crankiness you are turning into Wee Jimmy Krankie who is played by a woman called Janette Tough. You could Google them for more information.

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    1. I just looked up the Krankies. Here's what I have to say about them: NO! NO, NO, No! That's his wife? Oh hell no.

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  4. being cranky, even unto yourself *is* a thing and I know it well. That bacon tomato sandwich (and maybe a not-Friday Martini) may soothe some? The white house has promise.....I hope someone loves it even more. Good job on the eggplant staking.......whether you give yourself kudos or not.....good job!
    Susan M

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    1. Well, I will eventually get back in that garden and stake those eggplants properly! Didn't happen today though...

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  5. I highly recommend the Ina Garten recipe for roasted balsamic tomatoes. I’ve made them several times and keep a container in the fridge. A slice on your lovely sourdough would be heaven! I have to say you have far more stamina than I do in the heat. Plus I think it’s just hotter out than it used to be. Please take it easy. Heat stroke is serious I’m very curious about that house!
    Xoxo
    Barbara

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    1. Ooh, that does look so good! None of my tomatoes are Romas though and I'm not sure their flesh would have enough substance.
      Do not worry. I will not get heatstroke. My body seems to know how to tell me when I've pushed it far enough.

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  6. Cutting bamboo and then staking your plants in the high heat and humidity is a huge job. That said, the plants will do well staked. Your harvest looks terrific. Red tomatoes direct from the vines are the best. A tomato and bacon sandwich sounds yummy. I suspect, one day when your are not looking for your pin cushion it will suddenly be found. I have my mother's red pin cushion and her woven sewing basket (bought in Germany) and I treasure both.

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    1. I found my pin cushion! But I was looking for it.
      If I leave my tomatoes to ripen on the vine, the bugs will eat them everyone.

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  7. I can't think about gardening in our current heat and humidity. Right now I'm hoping we get the promised rain so I don't have to water.

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  8. This heat and humidity are sucking the will to live right out of me. My asthma is flaring and even two short (half mile) walks taken early in the morning and again at night are a trial. I hate every step of them! I don't know how you spend as much time outdoors as you do!

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    1. Trust me when I say that I don't really enjoy these walks. I tolerate them. I am joyful when they are done, though.

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  9. You did not die of heat stroke. I call that a winning day!

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  10. I would say there are several tomato pies in the near future, maybe even a tomato pizza. "Something worth doing is worth doing right" was my mum's saying too and the bonus as she explained to me was that having got it done and done right, you don't have to go back and start over. Which incidentally leaves a fair bit of free time for us lazy people (not you, you're not lazy) to sit and read or watch TV, while dinner bakes in the oven and the dessert is already made and ready to serve.

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    1. Cooking I generally do right. I don't do shortcuts there. It's so funny- when I cut that bamboo I knew it was too short but I was just too hot to even try to do it again.

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  11. I like the thought that between my teeny garden and your massive wonderful setting, we have at least the finger eggplants in common - and the fact that I staked mine this morning (poorly).

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    1. And what do you do with your finger eggplants? It charms me that we both did the same thing on the same day.

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  12. please don't be so hard on yourself when the cranky comes. in my case, the cranky comes when I am wrestling with trauma/anxiety, but what's fucked up about it, is that it's a delayed response and never direct to the root. real life right now example- I got mad at Tony because he has been washing my clothes in warm vs cold which made some of them a lil tight..... what I am really struggling with is some of the trauma i'm working through from being triggered about life in the home from episodes 6-7 of under the bridge which I still need to process, added to the stress of not knowing for sure what i'm teaching next year, plus being worried about the flooding from the hurricane leftovers AND not having a boarding spot secured for the dogs for our big road trip (which actually got taken care of yesterday thankfully)..... be gentle with yourself today. trauma is a shadow and a wave. it comes and goes but it's always there. xxalainaxx

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    1. You are so wise and so right. I don't know how many times I've apologized to my husband and my kids about being short-tempered and not really fit to live with when they've done nothing wrong at all. I especially hate that Glen has had to deal with all of my problems for forty years now. I so often feel like I am not the wife he deserves. And I know it's the best I could have been considering but shit. One time, ONE TIME, he asked me, "How long will I have to suffer for all the things men have done to you?"
      Bless him. I would have left me years ago.
      I'm glad you found boarding for your pup babies.

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  13. You don't sound so cranky to me, Mary. You always have a bit of humor that can shine through your writings and you are great at describing how we all feel at some time or another...
    I was out cutting grape vines with my Weed Ladies group (we are volunteers that make dried and silk flower arrangements to sell at our local history museum). It was so humid and hot but I learned how to make grape vine wreaths so it was fun. I was glad to get a shower when I got home, tho...

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  14. Im sorry you were cranky but you tell the tales so well and manage to make me laugh… in empathy of course. Thanks for talking about how you process those childhood memories. I’m the same. Sometimes I just want people to know what I’ve come from and why I might sometimes be the way I am, and that they’re not alone! Don’t cry for me… Argentina.

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    1. I tell you what- I love to make people laugh. Next lifetime I'm going to be a comedian. And a singer.
      Or a cockroach. Who knows?
      Yes! You understand- you summed up exactly why I talk about abuse. Of course it helps me to understand myself sometimes too but knowing that there have been times when others have felt seen by my writing makes me feel so good.
      So, thanks, Eva Peron!

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    2. I, too, want to come back as a comedian and singer! (But not a cockroach.)

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    3. I'm starting to wonder if we really are related.

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  15. I am exhausted having read this post. Done in! Wholefoods, Trader Joes and the co-op are my idea of gardening. Though , when I can no longer drive, I may want to plant a few can-able veg, to get us through the winter- but Not like you- Goddess of the farm!
    Trauma is trauma- warps us, we compensate in weird ways, and that is why the world of humans is mad! We are all mad.

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    1. I'd rather work in the heat than go to stores. I swear.
      Trauma IS trauma. And no one gets away from theirs unscathed.

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  16. Mr Moon is in Las Vegas with record breaking temps. I don't know how you do it. This heat and humidity is zapping every ounce of my energy. Temps in the 90's and it rains off and on all day. I am living in a rain forest.

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    1. Does the rain cool things off or does it just make things steamy?

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  17. It is hot here, too. Today we have the usual tornado watches, but then they changed to tornado warnings. We were advised to go to our basement immediately. But listening to where they were saying the activity was, we could tell it was going a few miles north of us. So we kept on mudding and we kept our phones on us. It was an eerie sound hearing tornado sirens from other small towns faintly echoing across the mountains, and settling down into the valley where we were.

    The tornado warnings ended, and all was well.

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  18. The difference between "watch" and "warning" is significant. I do not remember tornadoes being here when I was younger and I think I'd remember that. We've truly messed with our planet to what will end up being our demise as a species, I'm afraid. The ants will survive.

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Tell me, sweeties. Tell me what you think.