My left eye felt like something was in it all day yesterday. And it was sort of red and felt irritated but I couldn't see anything in it. Isn't it odd that we use the very organ to look at what we are trying to inspect on ourselves? That doesn't make a whole lot of sense but if you think about it, it does.
The point of this being, last night I kept waking up and my eye felt way more irritated and I worried about it in an irrational manner as one does when one wakes up in those deep, somehow liquid hours of the night when neither time nor thoughts flow as they should. When I got up (late) I looked in the mirror which I generally avoid doing as much as possible and I looked positively demonic. Not only were both of my eyes red, but my eyebrows, which would be more appropriate on the face of an ancient old man of the forest, were sticking all up. I'm not kidding. I scared myself. So I pruned those bad boys above my eyes and decided to just see what happened with my eyes and by golly, one of them isn't red at all anymore and the other one looks much better. The irritated feeling has mostly gone away although the one that's still red feels a little itchy. So I don't know what's going on. Gibson did have conjunctivitis a few weeks ago but I wasn't around him and besides that, I don't get all up in the grandchildren's eyes. So maybe it's allergies or maybe I did have a little something in my eye or maybe I do have an eyeball melanoma which was the main thing I was worried about at three in the morning.
Friday. It's Friday. I've had a very hard time just enjoying that fact and I'm blaming it on my husband who was at Lowe's at six o'clock this morning and who has worked all day long at Lily's house and who also managed to renew all our license tags for boats, cars, trucks, and trailers, AND finish the process to get his dealer's license WHICH HE NOW HAS!
So knowing all of that, it was hard for me to just be lazy and enjoy myself although I mostly fought through that guilt. Sort of. There is no such thing as "guilt-free" in my world.
And no, he is not home yet and I doubt he will be for many long hours. Good thing I can make my own martini.
I had a sort of, if not epiphany, then stark realization this morning when I was reading Ellen's blog post HERE.
Ellen is the only person I know in our blog community who has a sort of similar life to mine when it comes to yard maintenance. She does a much better job of it and spends more time doing it than I do, but when she talks about hauling branches to the burn pile I know exactly what she's talking about.
So my realization is that I don't know if I really WANT to spend the rest of whatever life I have digging up crocosmia and border grass. This does not mean that I don't want this yard and this house. I very much do. But I somehow need to get help. My old pal who owns the landscaping company did not come by and I think I should call him and actually pay him to give me advice and suggestions for people to help me. Right now I feel completely overwhelmed, not only by the regular stuff taking over every square inch of this little place that it can, but also by the fact that since we got the Bradford pears cut down, every stinking damn one of their roots and stumps are sprouting new trees. When I tell you that my backyard looks like a fucking Bradford pear tree farm, I am not exaggerating. And Mr. Moon has not had the time to mow them down.
This is almost terrifying.
And when I went out this afternoon to get the laundry off the line and take a picture of the confederate jasmine, I saw this:
The jasmine I went to take a picture of is also an over-grower, as we might kindly say, meaning it takes over everything it can get its little tendrils on. Why did I plant this shit?
Doesn't the jasmine look so sweet and innocent? Well, if you had one single strand of it, that would be fine, but when you have a wall of it, or several walls of it, which is what happens when you plant it on a fence, the scent becomes so overpowering that it's like living in one of those shops I talked about the other day. That's probably what my eyeball is allergic to.
The potatoes are looking droopy and are turning yellow and I keep telling Mr. Moon to reach into one of those bags to see if he has any potatoes because in my experience, when the plants start dying back, it's time to dig. He says it's not time and that he doesn't want to feel around in the dirt because it would "upset their life-style" which cracked me up so much. Don't tell him but I stuck my fingers in one of the bags today (thus the dirt under my fingernails) and felt a potato that may be as big as a baseball. They're supposed to bloom before you dig the potatoes but again, I've had years when that just didn't happen and I have no idea why.
After being outside for about twenty minutes, I had almost died from the heat so I came back in. I simply cannot tolerate the heat and humidity any more. I sweat like a blacksmith in August. In hell.
Lord, Lord. I sure am making myself sound attractive, aren't I? First with the eyebrows and red eyes, then the dirty fingernails, and now the sweat. Well guess what? I am NOT attractive. Not even remotely.
Oh dear god. And he's still lighthearted sounding. His joy in doing what he's doing for his family is not unlike Keith Richards' joy in doing what he's doing with his band.
Another reason I love that man.
Never saw that clip either. Keith can play anything, though perhaps not so well with his feet.
ReplyDeleteI've heard him say he's a better bass player than a guitarist.
DeleteYou surely heard this phrase: comparisons are incidious. Or this: comparisons are the thief of joy. You are not Glen. He has a different amount of energy, off the charts. I have given up the woman who gardens. She had a lot of good years. And she created beauty. But I had to let her go. Now I just watch other people garden. Or cook.or sew. It happens.
ReplyDeleteI hear you with all of my heart, Carol.
DeleteLove the clip...I hope your landscaping friend can help you out. Enjoy your martini and I hope moving day goes well.
ReplyDeleteThese things shall be discussed.
DeleteI have made the decision that I will employ people to do the things I can no longer do or that no longer bring me pleasure for as long as it takes to stay where I want to live.
ReplyDeleteThat was a great clip - full of life, love and laughter.
Now I want to see your eyebrows!
Let's face it- very few of us will be able to do the things we need to have done in order for us to live the way we want to live in our older age. Hiring help when we can is the way to go.
DeleteI'm glad you liked the clip!
No. You will not see my eyebrows!
I think you are sounding angry with having too much garden. Yes, time to get help, so you can do some gardening without being overwhelmed by trying to do it all.
ReplyDeleteWhen you're feeling guilty about how hard Mr moon works, remember he loves it, it makes him happy!
Yes. As Vergil pointed out, doing things like painting and repairing is Glen's love language. It is so meaningful to him.
DeleteYou may be right about the anger but I think it's more of the sort of anger I have about getting older and not being able to do what I used to do. And that is one more thing I need to learn to accept with some grace.
How many months ago did we all suggest you get yard help? I am very glad you are now realising you should, at last. I had forgotten about random shoots growing from the pear tree roots, or I would have warned you. I get the same from the plum trees here and have learned that if you cut them, they will keep sending up new shoots but if you manage to rip them out they won't apparently. Anyway, get some help with those and the bamboo, even if it means poisoning them. There are ways to do it that don't mean randomly spraying that stuff everywhere, such as cutting and then dabbing neat (undiluted) "roundup" or whatever is used there on the cut section immediately. Works for just about everything I think, but there is too much of it for you to do alone. I know you are against poison, so hopefully the landscape people have a better solution.
ReplyDeleteLoved the video :)
I think you DID warn me about the shoots coming up from the roots of the Bradford pears. Now we have to figure out how to deal with them.
DeleteThe bamboo cannot be poisoned as far as I know. It's very easy to control if we do it diligently.
And yes, when this whole move with Lily is over, I will talk to Glen about getting help.
And it’s now happy Saturday here. Wishing you a good one with no eye (or eyebrow) problems. I hope you can find someone to help with garden maintenance so you can do the parts you truly enjoy. When we lived in Connecticut, if we didn’t maintain things our land would have quickly returned to forest. Yours would more quickly return to jungle.
ReplyDeleteExactly. JUNGLE! I mean, it halfway is already.
DeleteMy eyes are much better, thank you. I feel like I'm just falling apart, one organ at a time.
I know the feeling! But last week ALL my organs seemed to be going at the same time.
DeleteI have kind of reached a place where I feel that the most important thing is to go into that good night in a mindful and meaningful way. I want to be healthy. I want to make a difference where I can. I will not compete. I will love. I will speak my truth. In the end, I will go gently into that good night, and I will do that alone.
ReplyDeleteIn the end, we will all go into that good night, and most of us will do it alone. That realization has given me a lot to think of. So...I will not compete. I will not waste my time focused on pretending that this good night does not wait for me. I will do focus on what I've always meant to do. What brings me joy. Speaking my truth. Loving the ones who will permit me to love me, wishing good journeys to the ones who won't. I will be the person that I was always afraid to be when I was trying so hard not to think about going gently into the good night.
ReplyDeleteBeautiful, Debby. Absolutely beautiful. Thank you.
DeleteAnole photo the best yet!! Great timing, Ms. Moon! The clip was fun especially drummer man getting ALL
ReplyDeleteof the love! Mick telling Keef to "ham it up" , but does he? Not really, he just does his own thing, ever so cool! As usual. "Waiting for my man" is still my go to when in doubt about feeling glad...
Dark, raining and cold up here- I can not see the bay , can not see two streets down- that is how thick the weather is !
I love that photo!
DeleteAnd I love that clip, too. Charlie getting the love. Keith doing his Rasta blessing. Mick being all boyish. And sexy. And then, just that opening riff.
Sigh.
I'm so sorry your weather is oppressive.
I know what you mean. I can barely keep my yard under control (laughs hysterically) and now I have Pam's cultivated area and the rest of the wild shop yard. I just can't keep up. maybe I can rent a goat for the shop yard that's getting overwhelmed by grape and virginia creeper and briar and poison ivy. unfortunately I can't afford to hire anyone. we've definitely hit summer temps here highs in the 80s lows in the 70s for the foreseeable future.
ReplyDeleteI've got grapes, Virginia creeper, briars and poison ivy too. Ellen- what are we doing?
DeleteA goat is a good idea. In theory. I really do not want another critter to look after though.
I was just talking about the gardening subject again this morning with my oldest son who lives with me. He wants to hire someone to help as it's getting the best of me and I cannot keep up. It makes sense to have someone else come in and get it set so it is easier for me to just tweak it and do the gardening I enjoy instead of all of the weed pulling and digging that wears out my back. I don't know why I am resisting so I may just give in... If you do, then I will too! Shall we?!? :)
ReplyDeleteLet's do it, Ellen!!!!
DeleteOkay, Mary!! xxoo
DeleteI think it's a great idea to hire some help for the yard. Why not? My mom hired a professional landscape crew when my brother went to college and she never looked back. (And the yard never looked better!)
ReplyDeleteI bought some liquid stump-killer that you dab on cut trees and by golly, it killed them. I never like using poison but this stuff doesn't get sprayed and in theory doesn't go beyond the plant it kills. Maybe a solution for the Bradford pears. (I might have told you this before.)
Mr. Moon is a powerhouse!
Ah- the story about your mom inspires me!
DeleteWe have to look into that stump killer stuff. This is ridiculous.
We have have some trees that like to sucker. One was cut down last summer and the we drilled holes into the stump, poured epsom salts into the holes and added boiling water. I felt awful doing it but the tree had black knot and would not survive. So far, there have been no suckers. Fingers crossed.
ReplyDeleteI'm feeling beat down today and I can't even drag my ass outside. Same old, same old. Jack and Gracie and my son. It just wears me down. I'm sure tomorrow will be better.
I can't wait for you to retire. It's not going to solve all your problems but it sure is going to give you a little more time for the rest and recovery your life requires.
DeleteI thoroughly enjoyed the clip. Thank you. One might be tempted to toss ones charming undergarments at Keith...Or Mick...or Charlie...But this is inappropriate for me to say here.
ReplyDeletePatricia