As you can see, the weather has changed again and we have gone from gray to blue overnight. Even before it got light this morning though, I woke up and searched my feelings and felt like perhaps some emotional fever had broken. When I got up, I was still crying but then it was as if a faucet had been turned off and I was done.
This has been the strangest, most sudden bout of darkness I think I've ever experienced. It absolutely has been almost physical in its nature and today I feel as exhausted as if I had truly had a physical ailment. I feel that shakiness that comes after a flu or even a surgical event.
I really do not understand what happened.
Last night after supper, I talked to my husband and told him honestly how I was feeling and for once I did not apologize. "I don't WANT to feel this way," I said. He knew I didn't. And he held me and he told me he loved me and said all those sweet things and I guess that helped. That and a whole lot of hours of sleep.
One of the things he said last night was that perhaps we could drive to the coast today, just for fun, and although I said that maybe, yes we could, I couldn't imagine getting up that much energy only to cry all the way there and back. But around noon he asked me if I maybe wanted to do that, or just go out for lunch, and I said, "Let's go out for lunch."
And we did. We went to a Mexican place near here where neither of us has ever eaten and I seriously doubt we'll go back. It was underwhelming. But then we went to the Bad Girls Get Saved By Jesus Thrift Store and I found some treasures. Lily had asked me to look out for deviled egg platters for her and I found two.
I sent those pictures to the kids and Lily wants one and Rachel the other. I have one identical to the second one pictured and almost everyone I know has one too. The first one is a bit different though, and I like it. I think it comes from the sixties.
I also hit a sort of jack-pot when I found four nice clear pyrex bowls. My weakness is bowls, for sure. They are nothing fancy but just nice bowls of different sizes. So I bought those too.
And then we drove home the back way on a road that I lived on so many years ago. The house is gone now because it burned down years ago but I think of that house often. I've spoken of it before. Entirely made of pine, a shack, really, It looked quite a bit like this house.
My ex and I lived there with baby Hank and it wasn't easy but there were parts of it I loved very much. It was almost-adequate shelter from the storm, although not the cold. Or heat. Or bugs.
The weathered wood simplicity of it was beautiful somehow though and we had hippie neighbors including Chloe and her husband and a child or two. They were building their own house which was rather magical in my eyes.
So. A drive down a memory road. Some things familiar, some things so very changed. Someone has bought a huge number of acres where there used to be nothing but pine and oak and scrub and scraped the ground raw. We have no idea what's going in there. Something hideous, I'm sure. I told Glen, "I really sort of hate humans," and I meant it. He did not try to dissuade me from my opinion.
And I know he can.
I already keep my cast iron in the pantry which is great because I don't have to bend down to pull it out of the lower cabinets in which it used to live. That stuff is heavy! But it's taking up a lot of space that I could be using for something else.
Like...food.
glad your day and mood has improved! The mental/emotional and physical go hand in hand.....hard to say.....no one can say *why*......just happy you are feeling better. I am not, but we won't go there....also mental and physical. Ugh. Love the cut glass (as we used to call it) deviled egg plates! Jessie and Rachel will be happy! And....I think hanging your cast iron pans is a great idea! Be gone with the painting/print (sorry) that reminds me too much of Thomas Kinkade, of whom I am not a fan... yours is not detestable, but too much like Thomas's work! Honesty is the best policy! Hang those pans up there and ditch the artwork! LOL!
ReplyDeleteSusan M
I'm sorry you're having a hard time Susan.
DeleteThe picture you're talking about is a Frank Corbin Pryce print that I picked up at a thrift store a long time ago. I think the picture was titled "Close of the Day and it comes from the 1920's or '30's. I can see why it makes you think of Thomas Kinkade but I assure you that in person it's not nearly that bad.
Those egg platters are so pretty!
ReplyDeleteYour garden looks darned good, too!
Glad you are feeling some better today and I hope that continues for you!
Getting your cast iron organized will feel good, too!
Marcia in Colorado
I may be silly wanting to hang my cast iron because really, it's pretty well organized already but if I'm going for the largest skillet I have to take about four pounds of other skillets and pots off of it and that does get wearisome.
DeleteMarcia in Colorado again ... I saw on TV today ... Not sure what I was watching, but there was a wire strung like a clothesline, with S hooks, and each of the cast iron skillets hung from a hook which, I would think, would be ideal for you to go fetch a skillet!
DeleteWhen I saw it, I immediately thought of you! 😉
So that's what those platters are! I'm glad the emotional fever has broken, and that you have a partner who listens and tries to help. That's worth a lot. As is a handy partner, I guess, I never had one of them! I was the handy guy around the house.
ReplyDeleteYes! Every good southern woman has at least one or two deviled egg platters. It is cultural and it is real.
DeleteYour HP was very lucky in that he had you as the handy guy!
It's good to read that the black dog is now cowering in the corner and that positive thoughts and Happy Mary are returning. I don't think I have seen a picture of your new house roof since it was done. It looks like those guys did a fine job.
ReplyDeleteOh, Mr. P! That's the garage! Garage Mahal. It was reroofed a few years ago. I'll have to get a new picture of the house.
Delete37 paddington: I’m sorry I didn’t know you were having a hard time yesterday, I didn’t read any blogs but I’ll go back and catch up now. I’m glad today was better for you, and how sweet your man is, saying what you need to hear, showing his love through acts of service, and I’m glad you asked for that pot wall. You’re right, it’s a gift to him too, something he knows for sure will please you. Maybe you were feeling something for Elizabeth whose Sophie is back in the hospital, or maybe the world’s sorrows pressed in because you have those porous boundaries, which make you so full of love. Your garden is spectacular.
ReplyDeleteYes. I knew about Sophie and that was one of the things for which I sorrowed. It was one of those times when everything sad just flows in without filters. I bet I cried five times at least watching Tracy Chapman and Luke Combs' duet on clips from the Grammies. Which wasn't sad but beautiful but made me so emotional. I've never experienced anything quite like it.
DeleteI'm glad you're feeling better. I had very good day at work which was nice and surprising as well. I was looking at that photo of your cast iron and I realized that I am a minimalist, I have only the one cast iron frying pan:)
ReplyDeleteBut your talk about hanging things on the wall reminded me of Julia Child which led me to this article which was quite lovely. Hope you like it. I think Julia would have approved of your kitchen.
https://lithub.com/how-to-arrange-your-kitchen-according-to-julia-child/
ONE cast iron pan? That is not enough! I use mine for so many different things.
DeleteI went to that link and oh my god! Julia Child was definitely NOT a minimalist, was she?
I see eight pieces of cast ironware there. EIGHT! And you have Le Crueset pots as well! You must have very strong muscles. I'm about to buy a skillet but it will have to be cast aluminium, because the iron is too heavy, and my daughter recently sent me a recipe for "No Knead Skillet Cheese Bread" which I really want to try. None of my other pans can go in the oven because they have plastic handles.
ReplyDeleteAnd I have MORE cast iron that you don't see there! And yes, some Le Crueset pots. And I use them all! Plus the ancient Revere Ware from my grandmother's kitchen.
DeleteNo knead skillet cheese bread sounds delicious.
Emotional fever. A very apt and accurate description. I am glad yours has broken.
ReplyDeleteIf I had seen those devilled egg dishes I would have thought of oysters or something. Now I know.
There is something about simple bowls and cast iron cookware that beats the fancy stuff hands down.
Oyster plates are very much like deviled egg plates but different. They're both pretty cool.
DeleteAnd you are so right about simple bowls and cookware. Get outta here with all that fancy stuff with a chef's name on it!
Glad to hear you are doing better. Your husband always sounds like such a good man. I am glad you two found each other.
ReplyDeleteI really like the egg plate in the top picture. I would have snapped that one up myself.
I do have a good man. He is precious.
DeleteThat egg plate sure caught my eye.
Your husband really gets you doesn't he!! I'm so glad - and glad you're feeling a little better now!
ReplyDeleteHe doesn't always get me but he surely knows when I need some tenderness.
DeleteYour observation that "asking someone we love if they could help us in some way is a gift to them" is very astute. I am not good at asking for help but you're right, I think sometimes people enjoy being asked and doing so helps to strengthen and fortify our relationships. (Not to mention lessening our own sense of martyrdom -- because we're getting help!)
ReplyDeleteEXACTLY! Some of us (me) just love to be a martyr. I learned that shit at my mama's knee. And it is so awful for ourselves and for those around us.
DeleteSometimes in long-time relationships we forget that we can't read each other's minds all the time. Sometimes we can. But mostly we can't and asking for what we need is so helpful.
It makes such a difference to be able to tell someone you love how you’re really feeling. And it’s a special blessing to have someone you live who understands. I so admire you. I can’t wait to see those cast iron pans hanging on the wall and the “admittedly tacky” picture in a place of honor. I can feel your garden, too. Hugs to you Mary Moon!
ReplyDeleteI don't know why but I think for many of us, telling someone we love that we're hurting is so hard. I know that when I first started getting anxiety badly, I did everything I could to hide it. For one thing, I didn't know what it was. That it had a name. And I did not want anyone to know how bad it was because I really was afraid they'd put me in an institution or...something.
DeleteI often felt like I was doing the best acting that anyone in the world had ever done. And in a way, I was.
Hugs to you, Mitchell.
That was my experience of my depression, too, until I was over 30 and hit the rockiest of rock bottoms I had ever hit. I poured my heart out to SG and he was taken completely by surprise.
DeleteAgain- something we share. Isn't it odd how much we try to hide such powerful emotions and pain? Of course, that only makes it worse.
DeleteHooray for the sunny, wonderful very good day! I love cast iron, old plates and men who help with love. Good on you Mary Moon. x0x0 N2
ReplyDeleteThose are some very good things, aren't they?
DeleteI wonder if the bottom egg plate was given away free at a grocery store. I have one that belonged to my mom. So glad your day was full of blue skies and love. I have garden envy since it will be at least 6 weeks before I can put anything in the ground. Yours looks great.
ReplyDeleteThey may have been. They surely are ubiquitous.
DeleteI bet your spring garden will be a thing of beauty.
It is important to share when we need help, especially with those closest to us. The give and take, the ebb and flow, the nurturing, and being nurtured, the trust, all that comes from asking for help and receiving help. Those things make a marriage strong, that lets us know, no matter what, that we've got each other's back.
ReplyDeleteI will be interested to see what Mr. Moon creates. I had a pot rack in my kitchen at a house we sold. It hung from the ceiling over the counter top, and pots and pans hung from it. The lids could go on the grate in the center, but I never used it for that because I'm short. We are, right now, planning a pantry in the new house and I want another pot rack. We've been looking for ideas.
You are so right about marriage. Or any longtime relationship, really. You put it so beautifully.
DeleteWe don't have a place for a pot rack in our kitchen and like you- I'm too short to use one. If you google something like "systems to hang pots on walls," you'll find a million pictures of how others have done it.
I saw the hanging cast iron on wall picture too on The Face Book. It looked great! It may have been on a hugge site...or not...
ReplyDeleteGlad you are feeling better.
I love hearing from you each day!
Patricia
Did the picture you saw use cast iron pipe? The one I saw did.
DeleteI'm glad you enjoy visiting. Thank you.
I saw the hanging cast iron on wall picture too on The Face Book. It looked great! It may have been on a hugge site...or not...
ReplyDeleteGlad you are feeling better.
I love hearing from you each day!
Patricia
I like the first deviled egg platter best. I have one I think. do I ever make deviled egg? um, that would be a no. glad you are feeling better. things just sort of swoop down on us sometimes. all but my smallest cast iron pan are hanging up over my stove along with my revere ware skillet. the cast iron dutch oven is in the cabinet.
ReplyDeleteThe first deviled egg platter is absolutely my favorite of the two. It's definitely older. The kids are talking about having a deviled egg competition at the next big family gathering. Works for me.
DeleteThe black splash for my stove is stainless steel and I just don't want to start putting holes in that. I think this wall in the pantry would work great.
Wow! Your garden looks great! Love those straight, green rows of plants! Are all of those cars in the background Mr. Moon's cars? Looks like you have lots of company visiting!
ReplyDeleteGlad you are feeling better, Mary! :)
Yes. Those are all Mr. Moon's cars. And trucks. Vehicles are his joy and he works on all of them, drives some of them.
DeleteChurchill's black dog visits quite regularly here. Feeling really punk this morning but that's because I've got the COLD from hell that's going around. I know that a good hot shower and a dose of antihistamine will help, but time is what I need to get over this.
ReplyDeleteI do enjoy your daily soliloquies though I only respond occasionally. I'm in Eastern Virginia, retired and volunteer quite a bit. My daughter is not close enough for for daily or weekly visits, but we have a trip to DC planned for our birthdays next week. Something fun to look forward to.
Wishing you a beautiful day in the sunshine.
Sorry you're feeling so bad with a cold. Yes, time is the only real cure.
DeleteFor so many things.
Glad you're going to get to travel to (or is it with?) your daughter. That should be great fun.
Your new custom design/build (by Glenn) for hanging pots/pans sounds fabulous and you have the perfect wall. Also your garden looks fabulous. Everything in your veggie/herb garden is growing well and I bet you will have fantastic tomatoes growing later. I am dreaming of fresh summer salads!
ReplyDeleteGlen went to a tomato growing class today! We never have much luck with our tomatoes.
DeleteCan you grow lettuce and tomatoes at the same time?