Friday, March 6, 2009

Fuck! I Coulda Had A Jitterbug!


So Mr. Moon went and re-upped our plan with Alltel (yes, I know- that is Chad's company and I hate myself with a loathing that knows no bounds) and we have new phones. He got his numbers transferred over at the Alltel place but my phone just came home with him in its little fancy box with its little fancy booklet and I almost cried when I saw it, not from joy, but from the frustration of knowing that I'll be dealing with that thing for hours, trying to figure out ringtones and transferring numbers and so forth.
It's blue and shiny. It takes pictures. Oh boy.
It's funny how much I love my Mac and all the beautiful things I can do with it but dealing with a cell phone makes me insane. Same with the digital camera.
In a perfect world, I'd have an iPhone but let me tell you something you may not know: This is not a perfect world.
A friend of ours came over last night to borrow an engine hoist (and yes, that's a whole other story) but he had an iPhone and he showed us how our house is not where the iPhone says it is, which I do not find remarkable, but the way he could show us the map and the actual location where we stood was, well, I can only say that folding clothes in mid-air just does not compete for magic.
Cell phones have certainly gotten all Dick Tracey on us


and I'm intimidated, although my Mac does not intimidate me at all. It soothes me. It gives me a reason to get up in the morning. It takes my words and transfers them out to the world and brings me the words of others and sometimes even pictures of Brangelina and their brood.
Anyway, la-di-dah and I need to pack for Milton, Florida and don't let me forget the Xanax because I am stressed out to the maximum over this little trip, which is completely absurd. I used to have to plan and pack more carefully to take the babies to the park than this trip will require, and yet, I'm a mess. Just a mess.
Throw in the new phone and I'm not sure I can handle it.
I'll just sit in the back seat going over there and cry and try to push buttons until I figure out some of the mysteries of the darn thing.
And let me add that HoneyLuna wrote a poem about my feet and I'm still leaking tears from reading it and I read it about twenty minutes ago.
How did I get such kids? Tell me, because I do not know. I made so many selfish mistakes with those children that it's a miracle they're still alive, that they still want to talk to me at all, that they all haven't turned to a life of crime. But no, they're amazing and if I could tell you how much I love and respect them, you'd explode from it.
Okay. I'm a little over-emotional this morning, having to leave Lloyd and all. I'll just end here and say that I'll report in when I get back because I'm leaving my Mac here. This is another stressful decision, but I need to cut the cord, fly off unfettered (as if that were even possible) and concentrate on doing the play and being a good friend, etc.
Have a good weekend and I'd say don't do anything I wouldn't do but that would mean you'd spend the entire weekend sitting in your house and weeping silently, looking out on the beautiful day, your new blue cell phone in your lap, useless, ringtoneless, and feeling completely inept.

16 comments:

  1. Aw, mama, you're gonna have fun. And just remember: no matter what buttons you push, the cell phone will not blow up. I can promise that. I love you!

    ReplyDelete
  2. Thank-you, sweetie. I know it won't blow up. Remote controls can make televisions blow up but cell phones don't have that power.

    ReplyDelete
  3. There are people in my office who think that the wrong button will blow up their computer.

    ReplyDelete
  4. You're going to have a great time! No worries about it. And of course, I'm jealous you got a new phone. What to trade? Mine already rings, there are lots of people in the phonebook you know, and it doesn't do anything but make calls and receive calls. Now how about that for simple and fun?
    Have a great time.

    ReplyDelete
  5. I just found your site yesterday and I already love you. Have a great trip and enjoy your time without the mac. Scary but exciting at the same time :)

    ReplyDelete
  6. HoneyLuna- You're getting a new phone too! I think. I hope. You need one, unlike me.
    And I'll try to have a great time.

    Ms. Steph- Well I'm so glad you found me. I am checking out what you write, too, you brave woman from California.

    ReplyDelete
  7. He's wrong, don't push that one button on the side...

    KABOOOOM!

    ReplyDelete
  8. You hush, Magnum and pass that snack bag over here.

    ReplyDelete
  9. Really - if you press the wrong button, we'll be at war with Iceland!
    Have a great trip, I know that leaving Lloyd is not something you like to do.
    Yes, Xanax - more important than an American Express card, I never leave home without mine!

    ReplyDelete
  10. Fuck! I need a new phone now too. Stupid phone.

    Maybe i'll get a shiny new blue one.

    ReplyDelete
  11. I'm constantly threatening my parents with both a Jitterbug and one of those Hoverround chairs. They think I'm swell.

    Or maybe they silently loathe me. I can never tell.

    ReplyDelete
  12. enjoy your time away from technology! i used to leave every summer with no cell phone, computer, anything but old letters to keep in touch. it was so nice - everything seemed so slow and purposeful... i haven't done it in a couple years and i miss it. me and the man are thinking of doing it this summer or next (road trip/backpacking europe???).... sigh... have fun (: dont stress about the travel...

    ReplyDelete
  13. When I got my new phone the lady told me it came in red and asked if I wanted to see it, and as she brought it out I said "Oh no, plain black is good...OH! IT"S SO CUTE! It looks like a little car!!!" She looked away. I walked out with a red phone.

    ReplyDelete
  14. To be honest with you... I'm having my own trauma/withdrawals that you will not be able to post for a few days! EGADS!!!

    Seriously, it's become so much part of my routine each day to check in with you that I'm having a little separation anxiety.

    I guess it will be good for all of us to take a wee break.
    Have fun!
    xo pf

    ReplyDelete
  15. I miss you Mama! I'm glad you're back (I just read your comment on my blog), and glad you're going to use your pedEgg. I almost bought one from the Chinese bargain place in the Flea Market, but decided I just shouldn't do that. I'm going to call you in the morning! I love you and hope you had fun.

    ReplyDelete
  16. MOB- I didn't need any extra medication (!) but let me say this- if we're at war with Iceland, it probably is my fault.

    SJ- Blue and shiny is nice.

    Aunt Becky- Uh, somewhere inbetween the two, I would think.

    CMe- I had a great time! Thanks.

    Miss Maybelle- Given a choice, I too would have taken the red one.

    Ms. Fleur- I'm back!

    HoneyLuna- That Ped Egg is amazing. Simply amazing. Next, I'm going to buy the shamwow. Or whatever it is.

    ReplyDelete

Tell me, sweeties. Tell me what you think.