Friday, May 30, 2008

Today I Have Sympathy For The Devil

Roseanne Barr is one of those people whom you either love or you hate. Sort of like cilantro. Yep, I'd call Roseanne the cilantro of the comedy world.

Me? I love cilantro and I can't help but love Roseanne, too. Oh, she gets weird sometimes, but I have a huge (some would say too huge) tolerance for weird.

What I don't have is a tolerance for is Christian Rock.

Which is what my yoga teacher tried to play for us today as we were doing yoga.

Deep breath. Deep, deep breath.

First of all, who does yoga to rock music?

Second of all, who in their right mind plays Christian rock for a yoga class of two, one of them an avowed next-best-thing-to-an-atheist? I suppose I haven't come out and said I was an avowed good-as-an-atheist to her, but after over a year of comments, I'd have thought she'd have figured it out. For example, it might have been a clue when I told her that I was reading a great book called God Is Not Great: How Religion Poisons Everything.

She is not stupid, so perhaps she was trying to proselytize to me via the coolness of rock music.

I don't know. I do know that it upset me so much that I thought I might explode. But I'm polite. I was in her house, listening to her music and she is the teacher. Now, to give her credit, she did say when she put it on that perhaps it was too "jazzy" for us and to let her know.

Jazzy wasn't the problem.

And I was afraid to open my mouth because I was afraid that if I did, great burning flames would shoot out, scorching everything in the entire room and perhaps burning up her couch, her entertainment system, and her poor old crippled dog whom I do have an affection for.

So I kept my mouth shut.

Thankfully, my across-the-street neighbor who goes to yoga with me said, very quietly and politely, "You know, this music isn't really working for me."

She's a saint and I owe her a martini.

Now. What does all of this have to do with Roseanne Barr? Just something she said once about how wrong Christian rock is. "What's next?" she mused. "Christian porn?"

I am thinking I might have to invite my yoga teacher over here for some yoga and I'll put on Beggar's Banquet and play a little bit of Sympathy for the Devil. Maybe a little Stray Cat Blues. Maybe a little Street Fighting Man.
I think that would be appropriate, don't you?

Anyway, in other Lloyd news, I went to the Lloyd Community Preservation Trust meeting last night. This was the fourth of these meetings I've attended. The same five people are always there and we always discuss the same thing, which is an old store that is being restored. No pun intended, believe me.

The store is almost done with its restoration and now we need to figure out what we're going to do with it. The answer is- until we get electricity to it- nothing. And there is no money for electricity. So there you go. We are a community body of civic-minded people who are accomplishing....very little.

We also discussed the fact that our local "real" store appears to be closed and this is upsetting as the crack dealers will probably move in. Jefferson County is a very large but very poor county and we have only one town and very few sheriffs. Lloyd is not a real town. It's barely a village. But the little convenience store was at the heart of it and the man who ran it was our eyes and our ears and he was calm and cool and universally respected and liked, as was his wife. I feel that without him, our center will crumble and since nature abhors a vacuum and since crack-heads seem to need a place to gather, I fear for our little village.

We shall see.

And that's about as bloggy as I get. As our beloved Juancho said once, he felt he needed to go wash his hands after being bloggy, and I feel the same.

Please forgive me and just chalk it up to my recent exposure to Christian Rock. I will be fine as soon as I find my Beggar's Banquet CD and crank it up to 10. This will be happening around six p.m. tonight. A martini may be involved.

Stop by if you would care to join me in this powerful and healing ceremony. It will be a spiritual event.



  1. You crack me up! :D Christian rock in a yoga class? Mmmmm. I find that hilarious. You did a good job keeping cool. In that situation, I would not have been able to make eye contact with anyone for fear of bursting out laughing and making the uncomfortableness even worse. :S Enjoy the martinis this evening! You deserve them.

  2. I was afraid to make eye contact because I thought I might cause the contactee to burst into flames.
    Whoa. It was weird.

  3. Christian rock is perhaps some of the lamest music ever created. If I were God, I certainly wouldn't expedite these musicians' journey into a pleasant afterlife. After all, if that's the type of drivel that they make before they met you...

  4. Ms. Moon~ I am so glad you spared that poor dog too. :) Just wanted to mention that as well.

  5. Jon- that was hysterical. Thank you.
    And Nicol- yeah, I would hate to kill that innocent old dog. He's got enough problems without me causing him to burst into fur-flame.

  6. "Christian porn" lol!!!!!! that is so hilarious!!

    I tend to keep my mouth shut too, but not because of the potential for flames (that would be kind of cool), for me it's a deep seated fear of being publicly stoned to death. It probably happen to more than one of my ancestors, that and being burned at the stake. It's amazing my DNA survived this long ;)

  7. We druid/pagans/witches are good at keeping our mouths shut. Maybe we should just open them once in awhile and let the flames fall where they may.

  8. I, too, hate of the Christian Rock.

    I mean, what the hell is the point of it?

  9. The point of Christian Rock is to PISS ME OFF!

  10. Ha! You know I agree. In fact, I don't even like modern "rock stars" who want to be all helping the world and blah blah and they forget that the point it to ROCK AND ROLL. I want my rock stars to trash hotel rooms, take huge amounts of drugs, fuck groupies, make obscene remarks to daytime tv hosts who try to interview them, and blow off the top of my god damned head with the deep down evil energy of their music.

  11. I love Roseanne too.
    This post is HILARIOUS!!!!!
    Is it the same yoga teacher you said you might need to write about soon?
    No wonder.
    I love you!

  12. Ajax- I sort of love this post. Thanks for liking it too.


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