Sunday, May 4, 2008

A Cautionary Tale About Love With Really Long Sentences


All right men, listen up. Follow this story closely and learn something.

If you and your woman spend a day in the yard and garden, working your asses off and getting filthy dirty and then, because you have a small party to attend you go in the house and get all showered and cleaned up and she showers and cleans up AND puts on make-up which she hardly ever does, AND she fits into her jeans which is a small miracle in that she's post-menopausal and fighting with every ounce of her being not to become a pot-bellied gnome of indeterminate sex and you go to the small party and you're leaving the party at eight-thirty at night and she says, "Bill's playing at the blues club," do NOT say, "Well, I'm just not up for that," and then proceed to drive her home thinking to yourself, "Oh boy, now I can get out of these clothes and eat leftover venison stew and watch boxing on TV."

No. Don't do that.

Because after awhile, you're going to wonder why your woman hasn't said a word to you in over an hour and when you ask her what's wrong she's going to say, "Nothing," but in a tone of voice that makes you more than slightly aware that actually something is indeed quite wrong, especially if she's washing a plate with far more vigor than it would seem to require and she won't look at you as you spoon leftover venison stew into a bowl.

Listen- women sometimes have a hard time asking for what they want, even after twenty-something years of marriage and you have to listen carefully to ascertain what a woman really wants and if she's put on eyeliner and gotten into her jeans she may actually not want to come right home and eat leftover venison stew for supper while you watch boxing on TV.
AND that after twenty-three years of marriage it is more important than ever that your woman feels that she is still attractive to you and that when she tries to look her best it is important to notice AND that if she hints she may want to go dancing you need to suck it up and take her.

Or, alternately, just go ahead and eat the leftover venison stew and watch boxing on TV because really, she does love you and she won't hold it against you forever.
She'll just wash the dishes and not talk to you and write a blog about it the next day while you're out in the garden, shredding leaves for mulch.

But even if you don't listen carefully to what she doesn't say and even if you don't pick up the hints she's dropping and even if you don't take her dancing, eventually she'll come outside and admire your mulching and then maybe she'll make you the very best sandwich in the entire world with bacon and ripe, sliced, salted tomatoes and lots of Miracle Whip, just the way you like it and she'll kiss you and tell you she loves you because really, she knows that you love her too, which is why you're mulching the garden and why you'd rather come home and eat some leftover stew that she made out of deer that you brought home than go to any restaurant in the world, and sitting there and eating it in the home you've made together is more satisfying and fun to you than going to a loud, smoky blues club, even if Bill Wharton is playing and she's wearing eye shadow.

If you're lucky.
And if she is too.
And you both know it.

6 comments:

  1. I don't get it. What did he do wrong?

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  2. It's all good as long as there's love huh! Next time, of course, you are aloud to whisper in his ear your needs, and show him just how every so often he can make your heart and body melt by being that prince and making you feel like that beautiful young thing you always will be! I know it is hard to ask for these things- the things we need the most we want to have given to us- for the person to know intuitively. Be it from parents or spouses. I'm still learning this of course, and I hadn't a living clue when I started dating!! Lord what a mess it was! :P

    Once again, thank god for the years to teach us what's what!

    Happy Sunday! :D

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  3. Oh yeah, and I really enjoyed those really long sentences. I didn't notice the long sentence thing actually, but I'm guilty of that myself plenty so I guess I wouldn't have. Sometimes it's better that way damnit!
    :)

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  4. Oooohhhh, you wanted to go dancing!

    Why yes, I am single.

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  5. So she wanted to go to the club...but she was afraid to ask.
    Maybe she mostly wanted him to want to go to the club with her if she wanted him to go with her, but on the other hand, going home for venison stew and boxing might've been just as good if he'd have told her she looked too good to share that night. :) It could've gone either way, but straight out ignoring the jeans and eye shadow (and eye liner, too???) was not the smartest, but however, the most likely move, which we should know after twentysome years but we forget when we put on make-up. :)

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  6. Yes. I wanted to go dancing.
    No, I did not make that clear.
    Yes, the garden looks fabulous.
    Happy Sunday to all of you, too!
    (And yes, Ms. Lo- putting on make-up seems like SUCH a huge deal that really, wouldn't he notice? I guess not.)

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