Tuesday, February 4, 2025

My Tiny World Today




This beautiful bowl of Jessie's came out of the kiln and it is truly impressive. 


Even Larry, the former teacher in our class praised it. I love it. The interior of the bowl is that brilliant orange you can see in the fruit. 

I was not in the best mood at pottery. I'm just so damn overwhelmed with sadness and frustration, sorrow, fear, and shock. Every day a new anguish, a new threat, a new tsunami of disbelief. 
This cannot go on. 
And I feel helpless in the face of it. I have no faith that writing my representatives is going to do one bit of good. Anyone with any power who is not on the side of the Trump/Musk administration has got to be trying to figure out how to fight to save our country. 
We have had two weeks to only begin to reel with the madness and I fear greatly that the dark times have yet to truly begin. 

And what I am learning is that on the days I am tired or have a list of things I need to accomplish, any emotional fortification that I may have is weakened considerably. Nothing in the mundane world of chores and errands feels as if it's worthwhile. I go through the motions, I fight to keep my head above water, I act as much like a normal human being as possible and then THAT makes me crazy. 
WE SHOULD NOT BE ACTING LIKE ANYTHING IS NORMAL!
As if we could just ignore all of this and eventually, it will go away. 

So instead of being calming and soothing today, playing with clay felt useless. The thing I worked on is so bad that the only thing I can say about it is that I'll never get THAT two and a half hours of my life back. 

I think mostly I'm tired. Yesterday's adventure in walking took a lot out of me. Some physical, but mostly emotional. Every time I think of Liz Sparks talking about the people wandering around lost when she was there I feel better- it's not just me! but there's still a part of me that felt like a foolish old woman when I got a little frantic out there, trying to figure out one little piece of the whole trail at a time. And I should have had water on me but I almost never, except in the deepest heat of the summer, carry water. There's no need to, really, when only walking a few miles. Which is what I thought I'd be doing. 
So yes. I'm tired. I got up early for pottery and didn't get quite as much sleep as I usually do.

After pottery Jessie and I went and got beautiful vegetarian platters at our favorite Middle Eastern restaurant. I swear to you- the little triangle of spanokopita on our plates was so damn good that, as I told Jessie, I would love to just sit there and eat that stuff all day. 

I was needed this afternoon to pick up Levon at school and take him to piano and so I did that. I have to tell you- all of my grandchildren are unique in their very own ways and Levon is no exception. I am not sure I've ever met a boy his age who was such a little man. I hate to even use the descriptive "little" here. He is so in control of whatever situation he finds himself in that it's like having a small version of a grown man around. Here's a picture I snatched while he was having his lesson. 


He listens. He tries his hardest. He is serious about this business. And I have never in my life met a teacher as effusively positive as his piano teacher is. This is such a different sort of music teaching than I experienced as a child I can't even believe it. 
My teacher would SHRIEK at me. "Sharp, Mary! Sharp!" 
Oh god, oh god, oh god. 
This lady would be like, "Okay. Let's try it again. That was hard but I know you can do it!" 
And then he does.

After his lesson I took him to Publix with me. I was completely stressed out. I knew that Glen had a basketball game at 7:00 and needed something to eat before he left the house and we have finished all the leftovers and I wasn't going to have time to make him anything decent and of course my brain was sliding around like an egg on a skillet with a cup of butter in it, and Levon was trying to help me decide just what sort of treat I was going to buy him and August, who, although not there with us, was at after-school, so I bought two frozen pizzas that were BOGO and two packs of hot dogs (I am not kidding you) which were also on BOGO. So were the buns. 
To my credit, I also bought a premade salad because I knew there was no way I was going to have the energy to pick greens when I got home. 
Fuck it. 
I bought Levon and August animal crackers in the little box with the Barnum's animals on it, which is probably not the worst thing a child can eat. Then I drove him to his after-school program and he was completely and utterly disdainful of my insistence that I had to take him to the door. "I've been here before, you know," he said. "And you don't have to check me in." 
"I know, I know!" I said. "But I have to. I just do."
And so I did and he did not so much as say goodbye, much less give me a hug or god forbid, a kiss but that was okay. Levon the man, knew he'd been good in the store, he knows I love him, and I suppose he knows he loves me. What is the big deal? 
Of course I shouted "I love you, Levon!" as he swaggered away from me into the community center wearing his backpack like a US Marshall, walking into the Deadwood Saloon with his saddlebags draped over his shoulders. 

Sigh.

God, I'm tired. I may be in bed by nine.

Here's the plate I made a few weeks ago and which also just came out of the kiln. 


I have decided that this is a rendering of the moment the asteroid hit the sea in the Yucatan Peninsula 66 million years ago and killed the dinosaurs. The Chicxulub Crater. 
You can see that, right? 
Where IS my mind going? 

Love...Ms. Moon




55 comments:

  1. The Chicxulub Crater Pate is magnificent. Jackson Pollock would have been super-impressed. I hope you will stick with the pottery classes Mary... gradually improving your skills and your confidence when working with clay. Each time you are there you are learning and of course the craft of pottery goes way back into the mists of time so you are now part of that chain.

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    1. To be truthful, one of the things that taking pottery has truly given to me is the eye to see how humans have taken clay and made the most essential of vessels into art with it. And also, made art for art's sake with it. And that alone is worth getting up early and going to the classes. You and I were both commenting on each other's blogs at the same time.
      I like that.

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  2. I am also a wreck. I walk with friends, one republican, so we don’t say too much. But, occasionally we step in it because it’s just so fucked up! Silence will not do! Then, i come home and try like you to DO something, anything, to keep my mind busy. Yesterday, i wrote an email to Hakeem Jeffries. He’s not my guy but i appealed to him anyway as a man who can get things done. My emotions go up and down like the wind. Today, i did some hand sewing. Maybe tomorrow i’ll send another email to someone else. Then, there’s RFK. Ack!! I keep hoping for a stroke. Then, i get upset at myself for hoping for the stroke because i’ve never felt that way about anyone until the bloated one. He’s made us all into people we don’t want to be. I’m blathering. I hope you can find a small slice of peace in your everyday life. I hope we all can.

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    1. Oh gosh. I completely understand all of this. Stroke? Heart attack? Norovirus? WHATEVER!
      We are not showing our best selves here but I'm not sure it's the time to do that anyway. I'm not sure I could walk with a Republican regularly without going ballistic.

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  3. We were chi=chatting after dinner, catching one table mate up on gossip. Eventually I got up to go and one asked if I wasn't going to stick around to bash the orange around. I said no, it would just be excessive fucks from me and I was saving them up.

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    1. Bahaaahahahaaaaaa! I do love you. That's awesome.

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    2. I love your answer and I may steal it. Who am I kidding? I will definitely steal it:)

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  4. I actually am curious. If I had to guess, Jessie has done pottery work before. Am I right? Her bowl is beautiful and I like the offset of the fruits. That cannot be one of her first pieces, right?

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    1. She has taken one session of pottery before this one. So she is still very new. She's just very talented.

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  5. The Chicxulub crater plate is great! I cannot think too much about the lunatics in DC. Too upsetting. But what really shatters me are the ordinary people who STILL support them.

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    1. They better not come around me. I am not going to be shy about opening my big mouth.

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  6. Pottery has a long history and that's what I love about it. Your plate is an original and beautiful. I suspect there will be more pieces to come. You're just beginning.
    There's work to be done and children and grandchildren that need our support and love. Life is not easy today but let's try to be there for our families and each other.

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    1. I am trying. I promise. I think we all are. Thank you, Susan.

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  7. I think Debby described it pretty perfectly. Tottering between anger and despair. I’ve called our senators and left messages but I suspect they’re clapping their hands in glee. Seems our ex senator Rubio is.
    Good for you for sticking with the class, love Jesse’s and the tie dye look of your plate.
    It’s going to be a very great challenge to stay sane as the shit stream thunders by.
    Xoxo
    Barbara

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    1. Don't forget to add "terror" in there along with the anger and despair. At least for me. The words I have for Rubio are insanely profane.
      If not for Jessie, I would not be taking this class. I promise you that.
      Will any of us come out of this sane?

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  8. I'm glad you still went to pottery, however bad you were feeling. Showing up is big.

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  9. I hope you get some good rest.

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    1. I love both the plate and Jessie's. Keep making stuff. It helps.

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    2. Making things does help. Thank you, e.

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  10. The plate does look like an epicenter explosion thing. I like it. I think being and doing as normal as you can is a fine way of saying "f*** you" to those in power who want you to all be running around afraid. Jessie's bowl is lovely, it needs a couple of scoops of icecream and some chopped strawberries in it.

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    1. I know they are trying the shock and awe strategy but guess what? It's working. Also, just because it's a strategy it doesn't mean it's not really happening. It is.
      Hmmm... I was thinking maybe a citrus fruit salad in the bowl. Whatever goes in it will be good.

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  11. I love your plate...great colours! What will you use it for?

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    1. I have no idea what I'll use it for. I really haven't even thought of that. Isn't that silly?

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  12. As a collector of ceramics I love your platter it is full of life and energy sorry if that sounds pretentious but that's how I see it. I don't know how people in USA are holding on as I'm in Scotland and the Tangerine Toddler is stressing me out big time.

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    1. Thank you for the sweet words about the platter/plate.
      You can only imagine how stressed out the idiot is making us. I apologize to the world for being part of the country (although definitely not the voters!) who put that man in power.

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  13. I woke up this morning feeling the same way; completely overwhelmed and saddened. Each day is something else, which of course is the point. Watching Cassidy cave on Kennedy was really something else, though. No one left in the Republican party w/any spine. But then I watched Trump's press conference about Gaza, and just thought I would die. We're going to just take it over? Move all these people out and then develop it? No wonder we are the laughingstock of the world. Unfortunately, we have to live here.

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    1. Ellie, every word of yours in that comment ring true with me. The Republican party does not have one tenth of a ball between them. Forget the spines.
      And really? Trump's going to make a resort area out of the Gaza? What? What? What the fuck?

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  14. First: Yes, I see the asteroid’s impact. January in Drumpf land. I love the glaze and I love the ringed texture of the plate. And Jessie appears to have a gift! That photo of Levon and his piano teacher is priceless. It would be a beautiful basis for a painting or illustration. I’m no craving spanokopita.

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    1. I hope you know the now now now wasn‘t meant as a tsk tsk tsk. It was to correct my NO craving. I’ll stop now. Heavy sigh.

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    2. I knew right away what you meant, Mitchell. And yes, Jessie does have a gift. In fact, she has many.

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  16. I'm just plain scared. Every day is just overwhelming with the horror show that our government has become. I feel sick every day over it all and it's only been two weeks. I don't know how we're going to get through this, honestly. I just feel....despair.

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  17. Well, I like that plate and you should now go out and find the things that can be displayed on it.
    I just finished listening to an Austrian professor of political science - Austria has just elected the nazis into government - and she went through the various options, like rallies (good), make yourself heard (also good but always in groups), boycott (be consistent and it works) and general strike (excellent, best option for the time being).

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    1. The US is so huge that I don't know exactly how a general strike would work. Perhaps?

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  18. I think we're all Emotionally Exhausted Dazed and Confused at all the fuckery spiraling from the damage the Incoming is doing so rapidly. You described it perfectly, everything now almost seems useless. That Bowl did turn out Splendid.

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    1. If we're emotionally exhausted now- think of us in a few months.

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  19. I love your plate. You should hang it on the wall such as folk do. My last pottery endeavor was a hot plate. I wanted to paint my house on it. I started painting. Then it turn into splashes and wisps all over the hot plate. So I titled it the activity IN our home. As in total chaos, fun and activity. It stands proudly on my kitchen counter amidst the chaos, fun and activity.
    Patricia

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    1. I love that story about your plate! Make it up as you go along and it will be true.

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  20. Just so you know, the stuff I make at pottery is not so pretty. I want it to be, I try, but I'm still learning (as are you). I even dreamed about pottery last night. I can't wedge clay to save my life, but I keep trying.
    As for the dumpster fire, just hang on Mary. Grow your flowers, love on your grandkids, make food for your family. You need to take care of yourself first. It's horrible, but it will pass, eventually.

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    1. Did you know they make devices that can wedge? I can't do it either and Jessie always sighs and does it for me but I have just a janky wrist, that we blame my inability on that. It may be true.
      I ordered some zinnia seeds today. I will be buying more.

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  21. I like Jessie's bowl and your plate - the colors are terrific.
    Anxious and stressed seems to be a common theme in our country now. Lawsuits are being filed, people are speaking up but it isn't moving fast enough for me. I want it all to stop NOW.

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    1. The wheels of justice turn slowly. This could take a very long while and the longer it takes, the more difficult it will be to end it.

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  22. It is just overwhelming even for me who tries to keep informed and I just can't absorb any more. The destruction is thorough. We're doomed. That's all there is to it. This is not going to be the country it was before Jan 20. America, the great experiment, is done. Democrats have no power in DC and apparently no will to get out in the streets and fight.

    All we can do is focus on the things that give us pleasure even though things are not normal. Don't let them take that away too.

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    1. Ellen- I find myself checking news sites too many times a day to see what fresh hell has happened. And that is not good. I agree about the pleasure. Let us take it where we find it.

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  23. Jessie's bowl is great! I never tried to make anything that representational in pottery and I can't imagine how hard it must be.

    I love your descriptions of Levon and his unique character. It's funny how even very young kids (though he's not THAT young anymore) are such individuals.

    I see the asteroid! Maybe we'll get hit with one again soon. If we're lucky. :)

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    1. Steve- I swear to god, I was going to say the same thing about another asteroid hitting us and then I thought maybe it was too dark. But I agree with you- this fucking human experiment has gone on long enough.
      Remember when Levon carried a shovel around with him all the time?

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  24. oh, that bowl is gorgeous!! One of the things I love about you is the way everyone in your family is so surely themself - that's no small feat in this world. And I feel the same way - I feel immobilized by this horror, much as I try to tune out the news and the small chaos and only focus on the big bad stuff. I have a long to do list of little nothing things - schedule driving lesson for my son, mail some packages, drop off donations, make some phone calls - and I cannot do any of them. Holding my tongue around these fake Christians is taking all my energy. Dark dark days

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    1. Oh my goodness. I feel exactly the same. I texted Lily today, "I feel like I can't accomplish anything. Everything is stacking up, metaphorically and literally."
      And it is.
      I think that if there were ever a time NOT to hold your tongue, this might be it.

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  25. Your stress is palpable
    Just keep swimming xxx keep swimming xx

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  26. Jessie is a truly talented potter. And your plate is art too. As Sabine says, find the things it’s meant to display and you’ll see the beauty of it too. I totally get why you’re wrung out. I cannot imagine what comes next.

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    1. None of us can imagine what comes next because the possibilities are too horrible. We are living in a dystopian nightmare.

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Tell me, sweeties. Tell me what you think.