Pine cone lilies.
Lately my dreams have taken on a new story line. The crazy house where hoarders and museum directors obviously lived is still involved but the new twist is that I am given a newborn baby and am completely unprepared. The other night when I had my first dream in this genre, my main worry was that I could not breastfeed and I had no formula. There were other problems, one of which was that I had two other small children in my care and needed to bathe them all and despite the house having many, many bathrooms, none of them had been cleaned in decades (yet another task I needed to get to) and the tubs were especially atrocious. I mean, great giant chunks of something which could have been fungus. There was more but that's enough of that one.
The one I woke up to this morning involved another newborn and this time I managed to get to Target to buy the things I needed. A very helpful salesperson collected all of the items I asked for including little shirts and nightgowns, diapers, and blankets. When it came time to pay the bill, though, I was astounded at how much it all cost and looked through the items and realized that the "nice" Target lady had tried to upsell me by putting in fancy baby things like miniature yoga work-out wear instead of the plain cotton t-shirts I'd wanted. I threw a small fit and she exchanged those items. I was still worried about the formula situation and held the little baby the whole time this was going on, always afraid I was going to drop him.
I am not quite sure what all of this means. Perhaps it is nothing more than being a bit worried about Levon spending the night for the first time. If that IS the case, I am obviously far more concerned than I should be. But who knows? I find dreams to be sometimes very uncomfortable, sometimes very frustrating, sometimes even horrifying, but almost always quite interesting and sometimes even fascinating and they're probably all more of a product of the medications I'm on than anything else but my brain does have to pick out what it is I'm going to obsess about in my sleep. And I suppose that given the way my waking hours have become so very routine, so very similar day-to-day, the dreams appear even more colorful, more interesting, more of something to ponder.
Today was one of those routine days. I spent some time in the chicken coop. It has come to my attention that it has really become quite nasty. The coop is the outside part of the whole chicken arrangement which is fenced but not walled. The birds just walk about on dirt and of course they poop in there too and I'm sure I should have been doing something about that all these years but really haven't. So I got in there today and raked up the top layer (pun alert) of guano-earth and hauled it to the place where Mr. Moon keeps his composting stuff. That dirt is probably worth its weight in gold to a serious gardener. I had an old bag of pine shavings from when I used them in the bottom of my peep nursery bins and I spread that around the coop. The chickens are not sure about this. Some of them appear to be quite suspicious about the new carpet and may be waiting to see if the bold and the brave chickens go up in flames or something if they walk on it.
After I did the dirt thing I decided to do a little more clearing of the garden. I got down on my knees and weeded and we all know I love to weed if the truth be told but I do NOT love to weed when it's so hot and so muggy. It was okay when the sun went behind a cloud but when it shone down brightly, I dripped sweat.
And then the red ants found me or I found them.
And that was enough of THAT!
I came in, took off my clothes, threw everything in the washer and took a shower.
But you know what? We're not on fire here. It may feel hot as hell but we are not in the middle of hell which so much of the west coast is. It is impossible for me to imagine what that feels like, looks like, sounds like, smells like. If there is anything more terrifying than fire I don't know what it is. As much as I hate being in a hurricane, I would choose that any day over being threatened with fire. I can't even talk about it without feeling overwhelmed with a sense of panic. For those of you who are experiencing the effects of those fires, I wish you safety. Whatever that means- I wish it for you. And I so wish we could share some of the rain we've been getting here.
In fact, it rained again this afternoon and I sat at the sewing machine and made another mask, so carefully, so attentive to everything I was doing and was so proud of myself until I realized I'd sewed the little sleeve for the nose wire on the bottom instead of the top. A chin wire, I suppose. Oh well. I got out my beloved seam ripper and took care of business and have now moved the piece that you can adjust to make the fit better to the top where it belongs. I've got my field peas simmering with onions and some ham and will start my rice soon.
Jessie has sent me a few pictures of their time on Oak Island with Vergil's family. It looks so lovely. Here's August, playing cards with his Uncle Ben.
Look at that foot and those beautiful fingers. Do you think he's excited?
Here's another from today when it was raining so they got out the sidewalk chalk to decorate the concrete pad beneath the house where they're staying.
Can you tell they're related? I teared up when I saw this. What a magical and important time they're all having together. I know that part of my yearning for Vero Beach is related to Jessie and Vergil taking this trip to be with Vergil's family on the beach. When I was a child and we stayed in Vero, it was usually with my mother's brothers and their wives and children. Even though I was quite young when these vacations started, I remember. There was magic involved and not the least of it was that my mother seemed happy for once. She was with her beloved big brothers and I know that must have meant so much to her. There was a sense of safety and of connection in those visits with my cousins and aunts and uncles and grandparents all right there on the Atlantic together and there was always a pool and the ocean and the sand and the smell of suntan lotion (there was no sunscreen then- it was either Sea'n'Ski or Coppertone) and the days were endless and happy. My uncles were jolly and I, fatherless, fell in love with them.
So. Unlike my dreams, no real mystery there.
And I am so glad that August and Levon are at a beach with so many people who love them.
I guess that's about it.
Y'all be well.
Dreams are crazy. I have recurring dreams (bad ones) of my high school boyfriend. I made the terrible mistake of marrying when I was 19 and the marriage only lasted 3 years. He was an abusive asshole. So these days (usually when I have PMS) I have dreams where I'm still somehow married to/involved with him and I'm desperate to out of the situation. And that was over 20 years ago! I wish my subconscious could let go of that whole episode in my life.ReplyDelete
I dream about my ex sometimes and that's been way over thirty years. And he wasn't abusive so in my dreams he just sort of pops in and wanders about for a bit. DREAMS! But then there's my stepfather whom I sometimes dream about nightly for a month or so and that's horrible. Wouldn't it be nice if we could choose what to dream about? Some say that you can but I don't believe I'm capable of that.Delete
your dream sounds like it's fraught with fear and frustration.....not a pleasant thing to dream or wake up to. I do believe we (as you with Vero Beach) are all yearning for familiar, safe and loved times spent with family and friends....and just a feeling of lightness and glee. don't think any of us have that going on at the present time. I'm hopeful...... skies better today here in Calif (for now)....not orange, but still gray and no sun through smoke. Big Sur Dolan fire only 40 miles north and in its 3rd week but no danger for us, just thick smoke. I fear for my 3 friends in Oregon..... lordy, it is simply apocalyptic all around.ReplyDelete
Nope. No lightness or glee much happening around these days. I'm glad your skies are a bit better. And you're exactly right- things are apocalyptic.Delete
Since shutdown my dreams have become calmer, no nightmares, unlike the previous decades, and a cast of characters who appear in different settings. We just chat and walk about and it's quite restful. I've concluded that my lifelong nightmare problem was caused by the stress of other people in my face! Now there's a legitimate reason to be alone and largely at home, my entire health has improved, dreams and all. Even though in the daytime I'm anxious about friends in the fire areas, the news etc, it's not getting into my rest.ReplyDelete
I've been getting messages of thanks from Western friends since I mentioned that firefighters from NJ went out there a few days ago to help. I don't deserve thanks for what other people are doing, but I think people needed just to express it, and I was handy.
One of my librarian friends says she thinks librarians and museum staff all have hoarder tendencies! Like in your dreams where they coincide with homebased hoarders, Mary.
I think your friend may be right about librarians and museum staff. I mean, perfect occupations for someone with the slightest hoarding tendency. But our Steve Reed isn't a hoarder that I know of. He does hold on to things, though, come to think of it, but not any more than most of us do, probably. At least his stuff is interesting!Delete
I wonder if any Florida firefighters have gone west. Not that I've heard of but it's a possibility.
I'm more at ease staying home too. I don't know that I'll ever go out much if this whole thing ever does loosen its grip.
It sounds like your poor brain is working overtime! Mine does the same though with regular meditation things don't feel as fraught and I am starting to sleep better. Now, if only I can get the cat to let me sleep through the night...ReplyDelete
WHY don't I try meditation? I know it's helpful.Delete
And your cat needs to leave you alone at night. Sleep is sacred!
Those children are just golden. Your dreams -- fascinating. Do you know that I thought of you last night after I'd woken from an horrific nightmare? I wished you were there to tell.ReplyDelete
You can always write me your dreams, Elizabeth. I would gladly hear about them. As you know, I dream of you and yours sometimes. But they are good dreams.Delete
Those dreams are so interesting -- so detailed, and although obviously anxiety-related, they're very centered on your nurturing and caretaking impulses. (And perhaps a healthy skepticism of retailers!)ReplyDelete
It always amazes me how tan August gets. It's great to see the family having such a fun (and as you said, important) time together.
Yep. Always taking care of babies and/or children. Let's face it- that has been a huge part of my life.Delete
August is brownish to begin with and when he gets in the sun, he just turns toasty. I think his skin is gorgeous.
Amazed at how much detail you remember from your dreams. Mine are fleeting...maybe only a few things remembered briefly. Usually only able to recall if they were benign or a nightmare (from which I usually force myself awake). On the other hand, I probably don't get enough deep sleep to dream well.ReplyDelete
Lovely that the family is on Oak Island. The next island over-- Holden Beach--is where we used to take our family each summer. Quiet, lovely, uncrowded beaches with none of the honky-tonk feeling of Myrtle Beach an hour south.
I've never even heard of Holden Beach. I should look that up! Sounds lovely.Delete
I"m sorry you don't get deep sleep. That must make life so much harder.
I think dreams are our brain's way of dealing with the stuff that's inside our brain, memories, events, anxiety, etc. It randomly knits up a dream for us as things are put away for storage. At least that's my theory:)ReplyDelete
I love the photo of the chicken coop. It's much larger than I imagined it to be, (that's what she said).
It's cold up here. Fall is definitely here. I had to turn on the furnace this morning when I got up and I cleaned up a lot of the yard yesterday. It won't snow for six weeks probably but I like to keep it tidy. Soon the leaves will fall and the ornamental pears, they'll need picking up which is a job in itself.
Sending hugs and love.
I don't doubt that my brain is dealing with all of those things at night but it surely does not seem to knit them up and store them away because a night or two later, back they come! Ugh.Delete
THAT'S WHAT SHE SAID!
Glen and I are like kids saying that these days after watching so much of The Office.
I can't imagine turning on the heat. Still quite summerish here. Obviously.
Sending hugs and love back to you, dear.
Pine cone lilies! They look glad to see you! August is a brownie isn't he, Good skin that lad! Your dreams are great movies, but I am familiar with that anxiety and am not at all comfortable with it. Dreams have been very weird since February. Your chickens are pretty little birds, they look entirely pleased as a chicken could be.ReplyDelete
My pinecone lilies are standing erect! Yes.Delete
August IS a brownie! I have no idea where he got that beautiful skin tone.
My chickens generally seem quite content. And that helps with my contentment.
now you know where the pinecone lilies are...ReplyDelete
neither of my cuttings of the rangoon creeper rooted. but! I have located a branch that has rooted so I'll dig that up when it cools off some.
that August is one beautiful child.
your dream about the bathtubs being gross reminds me of my toilet dreams when I have to go to the bathroom and haven't woken up. plenty of toilets around, all either broken or nasty dirty so I just keep looking.
Yes! I need to go out and dig some up NOW so I won't forget until they've all vanished again. I will.Delete
Thank you for saying August is beautiful. I think he is but...
Of all the things in the world to dream about why would we dream about filthy tubs and toilets? Good Lord.
I very rarely remember my dreams. When I do, there’s usually water and bridges involved. I’m really worried about those in harm’s way from the fires. I too would much rather go through a hurricane than a fire. We’re used to some smoke and ash when the Everglades burn, but nothing approaching these hellish infernos.ReplyDelete
August does look very much like his cousin. They are both beautiful!
I've heard that water represents emotions in our subconscious. This would make sense. We get smoke sometimes here, mostly from controlled burns in nearby forests but nothing like what they're experiencing out west. I wish it would rain and rain on all of them!Delete
August and his cousin are so beautiful to me. There's just something about seeing them in that picture that absolutely makes my heart want to burst.
Dear little childrenReplyDelete
I know, Beth. I know.Delete
Love you, woman.
I had strange dreams last night too. I was trying to look at August's feet to see if he has the Weatherford heel like I do. He is darling.ReplyDelete