The Time Of Year When Winter And Spring Come Together In Lloyd

The Time Of Year When Winter And Spring Come Together In Lloyd

Tuesday, November 27, 2012

It Really Is A Wonderful Life. When It Doesn't Really Suck




It's supposed to rain today. This would be amazing in that I can't remember the last time it truly, really rained. A real, coming-down, pouring-down, soak-the-ground rain. It's been so long that it's as if I remember it from watching a movie about rain. Maybe a movie where you could smell the rain, too, because I do remember that.

I got a comment yesterday on my bitchy post and it made me feel as if I had fiberglass particles in my britches. Or maybe socks. I don't know. It was an odd comment I thought, and I couldn't quite figure out what it meant except for the part wherein I was instructed to take a breath and remember that Christmas is not about ME.
Well. We can be certain I am aware of THAT. Did I not call it an alien celebratory ritual? Alien being the key word there. I could go into thirty or forty thousand words about why Christmas is so disturbing to me but many of you have already read whatever it might be that I have to say about that and besides, this is my little forty acres and a mule here at blessourhearts and the thing I hate most about Christmas is that feeling of trying to fake it when every part of me hates it and I ain't gonna fake it here.

So la-di-dah. I think if you spoke to my kids, they'd tell you that when they were little, I did a bang-up job of it and they loved Christmas and by golly, I did it all from making cookies to decorate the tree with to the Christmas Eve rituals to the homemade gifts as well as the store bought. I did it! I sang freaking Christmas carols!

And now they can do it. Because, no, it is not about me. Thank-you very much.

Speaking of Christmas, I have gotten myself into doing sound effects for the Christmas radio theater at the Opera House again this year and I am stressing out over that. I, quite frankly, suck at doing the sound effects. I space out and don't do them and also, the performances are coming up real fast and I haven't figured out yet how to do all of them should I actually not space out and we try to keep them authentic as to the era in which the radio shows were originally performed and also, visually interesting and that's just asking a lot from this old woman. But truthfully, it is always a sort of blessing just to be in the Opera House, especially on that stage. There is something entirely magical about it. So in this case, I AM faking it and am going to do my best to make it, too, as best as I can. In fact, my entire job as a Foley artist is to fake it which is sort of funny when you think about it. It does get serious at times though. Kathleen and I have both injured ourselves doing sound effects but that's simply due to our own clumsiness or whatever and my foot, which I injured trying to create the sound of a car wreck by kicking a trashcan, hardly ever hurts me any more and it's only been three or four years.

So see? I AM doing my part for Christmas and I just took the trash down to the trash place and people are leaving all sorts of old Christmas decorations which the attendants are using to spruce up the place with holiday cheer and for some reason, that DOES cheer me up. Nothing says Christmas Joy like old abandoned plastic snowmen sitting around the trash depot between the recycle and household garbage. And if you know me, you may realize that no, I am not being sarcastic here.
It sort of did actually cheer me up.
And a man who had obviously just cleaned out his garage offered me a cat carrier he no longer has use for and I politely said, "Oh, god, no but thank-you!" and I meant that too.

I don't think it's going to rain. I think it's just going to be gray and heavy and the whole system is going to pass to the north of us.
Well, sigh and sigh again.

I'm going to go take a walk and try to figure out how to make the sound of a running car engine for our production of It's A Wonderful Life. We've got the bells thing down pat and yes, darling little Zuzu, every time a bell rings, an angel gets its wings.

Oh Lord help me.

Love...Ms. Moon


17 comments:

heartinhand said...

I certainly think that our life cycle dictates how we feel about Christmas. When you're a kid, you're excited. When you're kids are small, you go to grandma's house, then your parents die and you become the host. Then your kids are grown and you go to their house, until you're in the home, then they come and bring you slippers. LOL!

It's cold today, I wish I was on a beach somewhere.

Elizabeth said...

Well, if this isn't the antidote to Christmas Schwismas, I don't know what is. I'm giggling here in the foggy morning that is LA. God bless us, everyone.

SJ said...

I saw the comment, and while I did understand what she was trying to say, I can see why it rankled you. Probably because it's just a rankly topic all around for you.

My mother hates Christmas. So -I get the angst that surrounds everything about it for her. It, in turn, makes ME hate it because I know I'm going to be spending the entire day on edge, making sure that she's ok. But, I've got my own issues surrounding the blessed holiday, so its just a giant cluster all around.

Gray and heavy here, too.

Angella said...

I read that last line of your post and the phone starting ringing at once. ha! you're my Christmas angel! or maybe grinch? Whatever. As my girl might say, i deadass adore you.

Mel said...

Thanks for telling us about the recycled Christmas decor at the trash dump, it really made me smile.

I could write a book about my conflicted and disillusioned views about this holiday, but who would I be writing it for? I did the same as you, made magical Christmases for my kids too, with the cookies, homemade decorations, twinkly candlelight and carols, but it didn't make me feel less sad inside, there's no escaping that part. And the saddest of all is that my mom's Christmas sadness is what made my childhood sad, so the circle remains unbroken.

They are older now, my kids and I know one thing with certainty - there is no way that everyone can possibly be happy at Christmas, especially when there is inevitable travel and schedule conflicts involved. I will do all I can to be mellow, to go with the flow and try not to drink too much. Dream big, aim high, right? And don't forget the candles and carols, they seem to help a bit.

Good luck with those sound effects, I'm sure you'll do a fine job.
xo

michelle said...

OK so now I'm going back to read the Bitch post.

I think Blogland is the one place where I truly believe "if you don't have something nice to say (comment), don't say anything at all"

It's a sacred space.

xoxoxo

RachelVB said...

I hope you get rain today. I hope on the last minute of your walk it starts pouring and you just barely get wet and can watch the rest of it from your window with tea. Christmas in Arizona is not Christmas at all. It's still 82 degrees for god's sake!

Melissa Kaye said...

My favorite part of Christmas is driving around and looking at the lights. Oh, and going to Dorothy B. Oven park. Everyone is entitled to their own opinion about Christmas. It is all about presents nowadays. They even made Thanksgiving all about Black Friday! People are DYING. Dying, I say! No one should have to die over a freakin' holiday.

Anywho, it's always Christmas when I'm at Ms. Moon's house.

Melissa Kaye said...

And I mean that in a good way. Wait, a good Christmas way. Okay, I'm just digging myself a hole here.

Human Wrecking Ball said...

I once got my heart broke (one of many) in October the week before thanksgiving. I developed a deep and devoted hatred of all holidays. They start in Ocotober and creep up on you all the way through the Forth of July. Fuck em all I say! I am in your corner. Lets get drunk and throw the empties at Santa.

Ms. Moon said...

Heartinhand- True. There are definitely cycles to it. Just as with all things. Some better than others, we must admit.

Elizabeth- Need some snowmen? I know where I could get you some.

SJ- Indeed it is. We're SUPPOSED TO FEEL THE MAGIC AND WONDER OF THE SEASON! And if we don't? Oh god. That agony. My kids swear they don't give a shit whether or not I like Christmas. That it was magic for them as children. I sure hope that's true.

Angella- That made me smile. I must be your Christmas grinch because I ain't got no wings. I deadass adore you too.

Mel- We just have so many impossible expectations about it all whether for ourselves or, even worse- the ones we love. Bless us. We do the best we can, don't we? I'm down with the candles. Not so much the carols which I hate. Ha! I really suck, don't I?

Michelle- We try to be nice. Don't we? Play nice, children. But still, if someone wants to take me to school over Christmas, that is her right. I have completely open comments. But I don't have to like it.

Rachel- Nope. Still not raining. Damn.
It is sort of hard to get into the spirit when it's 82 degrees. Although I never get into the spirit and so there is that too.

Melissa- You just made me so happy. You filled my heart with LOVE! You know how much I love you, right?

Brother Wrecking Ball- And I have just the Santa, all picked out. He's ringing a bell at the Vineland Publix. I sort of hate him.

Petit fleur said...

They never decorated the dump for Christmas when I was there! What a jyp! That does sound fun. Will you take a picture and post it? Hey, maybe it can be your holiday banner here at BOH! I think that would be hilarious holiday comic relief! :-p

Hang in there baby.
xo

Rebecca said...

I wish that the real Christmas could be as wonderful as the Christmas in my head. One Christmas my mother bought me socks and panties, pretty, pretty socks and panties, polka-dots and lace. She put them, all fanned out, in little flat white boxes with white tissue paper and that was as perfect as it's ever, ever gotten. Nothing will ever be as perfect as that.

Jon said...

I'm really looking forward to seeing the show, and all of you. I wish I could have had the time to do this one, but it will be nice to sit and watch for once.

Syd said...

The rain is headed up here. It is grey and dank. But I actually don't mind it. I get you on the keeping it simple at Christmas thing. And I just keep my expectations low.

Steve Reed said...

Bizarrely, my response to your entry is to wonder what I did with my cat carrier. I think I left it at the vet when my cat died.

Ms. Moon said...

Ms. Fleur- I know! Lloyd is really rockin' this year.

Rebecca- That's mighty sweet.

Jon- I'm glad you're coming. It's odd being at the OH with you not involved.

Syd- Good advice!

Steve Reed- Need another one?