I am so anxious tonight. I wrote a long post, posted it, then deleted it. Gone. Done.
Who cares about costumes? Who cares about Goodwill? Who cares about the secret life of Truvy?
Mr. Moon is out of town and I have grown too accustomed in the last few days of having him right here to hold me. His absence reminds me of how completely incapable I am of the simplest things in life. I can plant a garden but god help me if I have to pay a bill. I can cook a fish but I would starve before I was able to catch and clean one.
The dishes are waiting for me to wash them and I want to fling them into the yard.
I want to let the rain wash them or rust them as it will and let the chickens have at what's in them.
But no, I am a good girl. I will put the leftovers away and wash the damn dishes and put up the laundry and go to bed.
The dogs have noticed my agitation and taken it in to themselves. They are all pacing and prancing, and that is not helping. Each one has different sized toenails to clip and click along the floor with. It sounds like a tank full of snapping beetles in my house.
Perhaps tomorrow I will wake up and be calm. I will go out and pick the white camellias and place them in a sacred and pleasing arrangement in a vase. Perhaps there will be peace in my heart.
Whatever. The damn dishes will be clean.
Fuck the dishes Ms Moon. Have a martini and lie down. You're mourning
ReplyDeletexoxoxo
Well hell -I read it, and started to comment, and the damn thing disappeared! I care about costumes!
ReplyDeleteGood lord honey...take the magic A. And drink a martini and sleep in tomorrow. You're mourning.
You are loved.
Ha! Uh, I basically revise my comment to be: What Michelle Said.
ReplyDeleteI often feel the same way about A...like I can't function as a whole person without her.
ReplyDeleteFuck it all! Do what you want to do, feel what you need to feel and write whatever you want. It's all natural.
Hugs to you.
It has rained here all day too. I was glad to get to a meeting tonight. Just what I needed on a dreary day.
ReplyDeleteWhen you feel like telling it, I'd love to hear what surprised Goodwill had for you and how you're working on creating your Truvy.
ReplyDeleteMr. Moon will be home soon and at least that will be right in your world.
I want to smash my dishes somedays, but I like the idea of flinging them in the yard!
I second the wise comments of your other beloved readers. XXOO
Lord I hate a typo. It's late. I meant surprises. Sleep tight.
ReplyDeleteYou must give yourself an enormous BREAK. And that doesn't mean a literal break, although that would be good, too. I mean a break -- let yourself be sad and mourn and be agitated and all that stuff. It's so cliche, but this will pass as it always does. It will.
ReplyDeleteSending you some peace. x
ReplyDeletexxxxxxxxxxxx
ReplyDeleteThat dreaded anxiety. Take hold pf our heart, and as they say breathe in and out. you are still the one who writes like a dream, cooks like a master chef and loves effortlessly. And that's only the beginning of your talents, so don't let the dread anxiety get you.
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry for your loss. So very sorry.
ReplyDeleteHey babe...I know the feeling. Just do what you must do to get through it. Drink, eat, sleep, cry, be with the kids...whatever you need and get through it. I love you girl and I love your heart and how you love. Its your turn to take care of you! Be good to yourself...
ReplyDeleteTerry
Here's wishing you a calm and peaceful day today...
ReplyDeleteI hope there is peace in your heart this morning. You could have called me last night, you know.
ReplyDeleteI love you.
And that is why we have partners... to take care of the things that we do not wish, need, or care to handle. I am wishing you peace on this day, it comes, it goes, but hold it tight while you can. By the way, I am terribly sorry to hear of your loss, but I love the idea of Colin's energy out there some where.
ReplyDeletelet yourself feel the sad. he was worth it.
ReplyDeleteMichelle and SJ- Beer was involved. Thanks.
ReplyDeleteMel's Way- It's almost frightening to share lives so completely, isn't it?
Syd- I am glad you have that community.
Mel- Typos ignored here. I hope.
Elizabeth- I know. You're exactly right.
Mwa- I feel it.
Screamish- And back to you with hugs.
Elisabeth- Such sweet words. Thank-you.
Nancy C- And it IS a loss, having that man go.
Terry Joy- I am. Thank you, baby.
tiffany- I am not leaving Lloyd until tonight when I go to rehearsal. That will help.
Amber Elise- I need to keep remembering that Colin energy.
Angella- You are so right.
What Michelle said sweets.
ReplyDeleteI have to say the dog toe nail clicking description was PERFECT!
Maybe next time you should just take your dirty dishes out into the rain. Then make yourself a martini and remember all the people you've met, and those you haven't, who love you.
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