Some days I wonder why it is that all it takes is one day, one day of being not-particularly productive to knock me back to feelings of inadequacy, of anxiousness, of a bit of darkness.
I wonder- could this be another evolutionary trick of the genes to wring every drop of work out of us that can be wrung before we die in order to keep the species going with all grandchildren taken care of, all toilets clean, all laundry done, all spring rows planted?
Or am I reaching for straws and am actually inadequate or, worse- just slightly mad?
I do not know.
I know that you are not inadequate nor crazy. You are a human who deserves a day of rest. But I also understand and need to speak the same words to myself.
ReplyDeleteI agree with what Lora said.
ReplyDeleteI have gray days, unproductive and such, but I know in my heart I will get the kmost of the next day...why? cuz I gotta : )
I've missed ya Ms. moon
Neither inadequate nor mad, Ms Moon, you're just human and responding to the ebb and flow of your mind states.
ReplyDeleteHow would it be if you were at all times on a totally even keel? Very dull indeed.
I'm going with slightly mad. :-p
ReplyDeleteNo,no, no! Not inadequate.....crazy maybe, but that does not diminish your worth, it adds to it because you rise above it..
ReplyDeleteBut...... misguided, perhaps. There are no laws (neither man's or God's) that say you must be constantly doing good deeds and slaving for one cause or another to be allowed to exist in peace and comfort. I don't know how that idea got hammered into us.....probably by the perpetrators of the various religions who require us to think of ourselves as sinners in order to justify their own dubious existence.
Hell, we are told that even God took a day off when he had created the universe. And he pronounced it good enough and, as far as we know, has not performed a single bit of documented work since. (even though we all feel that He should get busy and correct a lot of things)
The problem lies in the Ego which delights in torturing you to build itself up. God had nothing to do with the Ego.....it is a man- made creation. If we could just throw away the Ego we would all be happy and productive functioning a beautiful souls.
Your value, dearest Mary Moon is in your soul and is beyond pearls and rubies even if you never lift a finger again to do anything. All of us who know you already know that your soul is a perfect soul. Why can't or won't you see that and believe it?
Please try.
You know, I actually tried to be productive today, and my body said no. I kept telling myself its okay to be lazy once in a while
ReplyDeletei like this. i like how raw and candid and this.is.it. thank you, for being you. (over here from deb's...) e.
ReplyDeleteI am so tired today. Just been going a lot. I am looking forward to an unproductive day.
ReplyDeleteI like that theory. It makes be knocked back a temporary thing, I guess. As if nature is rooting for us to rebound. And it beats being knocked up at this point in the game.
ReplyDeleteLora- We women, especially I think, suffer from this.
ReplyDeleteLisa D- Missed you too, Lisa D. You okay?
Elisabeth- I have been thinking a great deal about YOUR post yesterday. I may go back and add a few thoughts.
Ms. Fleur- You know me so well.
Lo- It breaks my heart that you have to give me such advice. I SHOULD know all of this by now. Not just know it but internalize it and have it for truth to my bones.
I'm work on it. I just love you. Thanks.
Jon- It truly is.
emily- I am so glad you came by and so glad you took time to say something. Please come back and join us. We are a fine community here.
Syd- I think we NEED days in which to stop and become strong again. If I could only convince my mind of that one...
Ex-in-the-city- Hello, hello! Well, if got knocked up, it would be a medical miracle but hell yes! Thanks for coming by.
sometimes you just need a day like today, but without the guilt. everything will still be there tomorrow. hugs.
ReplyDeleteSLIGHTLY mad?
ReplyDeleteHmmmm.
Dear Ms. Moon - you are more productive on an un-productive day than many people are on their busiest (including me). You impress me, and I think you deserve a day here and there of un-productivity, without feeling inadequate.
ReplyDeleteInadequate? my ass.
ReplyDeleteSlightly mad? absolutely
so am I (slightly mad. not inadequate)
love you Ms. Moon
xoxoxo
Crazy, lazy, mouthy, cold food eatin', late sleepin', mood swingin', mind of your own kinda woman.
ReplyDeleteI'd pull your hair if we was in 2nd grade.
Plus, the toilets clean themselves with every flush.
I never feel one iota of guilt over not being productive. Not ever.
ReplyDeleteGood morning! I love you.
You, inadequate or crazy? Oh, no, no. Sometimes that's how it is, I suppose. I'm thinking of you, today, and hoping that you feel like your old self.
ReplyDeleteWhat if I'm unproductive for almost a week?
ReplyDeleteI've gone of the deep end I think. Emotions paralyze me.
and I love that you got spring and that you shared it in all of it's redemptive glory.
love to you.
and I've yet to send that book... further guilt
Angella- It wasn't even that I had that much I had to do. Am I one of those people who think that if I am not needed to be doing a task at every moment I am worthless? I hope not.
ReplyDeleteElizabeth- You know me all too well, madam.
Jill- Logically, yes, this is true. But still...
Michelle- I am crazy mad about you.
Magnum- You made me smile.
Thanks.
Ms. Bastard-Beloved- Which is why you are my idol! I love you!
Angie- Much better today, thank-you dear.
deb- NO GUILT! Not for me, thank-you very much. Love.
Is there a reason why many of us ladies in those wisdom years feel this way from time to time. I wish I had you nearby to go and hash out our down days or confusing days.
ReplyDeleteWe ask more of ourselves than really we can give. We expect ourselves to be a certain way blindly.
I wish on those days if it would be possible to just nurture my soul and instead of feeling inadequate. Open myself to being kinder to myself. Days like that I miss my daughters hugs and the chance to get out...
If I knew. If I knew. When you find out, tell me!
ReplyDelete