Saturday, December 29, 2007

Some Things I Have Seen

I have a friend who seems to be operating on a completely different time-frame than I am. It's as if he lives on another planet where time is measured differently or maybe he's discovered some secret time-stretcher or maybe, just maybe, he is more adventuresome, energetic and wastes a lot less time doing things on the internet.

I'm not sure.

When he goes on a vacation he can easily fit some early-morning yoga, a swim, a jog, eighteen holes of golf, three gourmet meals, a nap and a couple of museum visits into one day. And this is how he relaxes.

Me? I'm lucky to walk a few miles and get lunch in. Seriously.

But I have seen a few things on this trip and here I am, wasting time- no! I mean, making good use of my leisure time! by reporting in here.

The most striking thing I have seen on this little adventure was the most amazing comb-over I've ever personally laid eyes on. It was beyond horrible and went well into the absolutely unbelievable category. We sat behind the man sporting it at a busy breakfast place and I could barely take my eyes off the complicated train wreck which was his hairdo. He was accompanied by a relatively regular-looking wife as well as what appeared to be their daughter and her two children, one of which was the prettiest baby I've ever seen despite the fact that she was bald. Granddaddy should take a tip from her- bald can be beautiful!

I've also seen some pretty night skies. We would have seen what was probably a beautiful and soul-stirring sunset yesterday but we were asleep. We did manage to see the right-after-the-sunset-sky and that was real nice, although it lacked the drama of the actual sunset.

I've seen an awful lot of really fat Americans. Whoa. No need to go on about that. We saw a roller-bladin' granny today who was wearing very little and what there was of it was black spandex. To her I say, "You go, girl!" She looked great.

I've seen a lot of bougainvillea, incredible palms of various and exotic species, some lovely, flat Gulf seas rolling quietly into shore with gentle swishes and hisses of foam, a tree fern that made me realize why they call them tree ferns, and the cutest little Yorkie who was so tiny that that my Yorkie could have eaten her for lunch.

And I may have seen Jeff Bridges, although my husband says no, it wasn't him.

I'm as boring outside of Lloyd as I am in Lloyd.

Didn't think it was possible, did ya?

Well, it is and I am.

We did just make a drink and walk down to the beach to check out tonight's sunset but due to an incredibly thick seafog, the sun was nowhere in sight. I'm sure it's there somewhere, but we sure aren't going to see it.

Oh well.

One more thing I've seen is the house that we have so graciously been offered on loan for the last two nights of our little trip. This house belongs to the friend of a friend and I can't believe I'm saying this in a public place but we've driven by it several times now and each time I am shocked anew at the sight of it. Can I just say that without a doubt it is the ugliest and least charming house on the entire island of Anna Maria?
Maybe it's really cute on the inside. And I shouldn't look a gift house in the mouth, right? But honestly- there isn't even a tree in the yard and it's not like it's on the beach. It's orange, okay? Orange cement block. With dark orange trim.

We may come home early.

Unless we decide to take up golf or something.

I'll let you know.


  1. Comb-overs. Fat people. Ugly orange houses. You slept through sunset and the sun is missing. Small dog meals. Lloyd, Florida. Fading stars, golf courses and under-vacation-achievers. What did you do, take a trip in a Fellini movie? Basic survival skills for insouciant diffidence...there must be risk involved. Do something you should not do, or can't imagine yourself doing. Find an ugly little orange bar, comb YOUR hair over, drink till the sun comes up and tell people your name is Jeff Bridges. Amd for God's sake, don't ever play golf, but do intentionally cause a scandal in Lloyd, Florida!

  2. I think I am too old for any of those things, B. Boy. I can barely drink 'til the sun goes down if I start when it begins its rapid decent. I could tell people I'm Jeff Bridges, but I doubt they'd believe me.
    No worries on the golf thing, believe me.
    Scandal in Lloyd? Not as easy as you'd think. I hear there was a murder in my front yard some years ago.
    I'll do my best, though. I'll do my best.

  3. Anytime you need to be reminded of how fat America is getting, you need only go to a theme park. Any theme park.

  4. Especially Wild Adventures in the summer. Man. You do not even want to think about what you can see there as pertains to humanity.
    In bathing costumes.

  5. I can't wait to hear how the inside of the orange house looks! Sometimes I wonder what people are thinking when they pick out colors and do they like the look afterwards? do they say "Wow that really looks great!" If so then more power to them! but how could they? and the same goes with the comb over. It really must take a lot of work too, and hair goo. It is mesmerizing.

    Ah... what a vacation :) Happy New Year, my friend. May it be the best one yet.

  6. Ample- it's true isn't it? Some people just like odd colors. I once had a house of mine painted pink and that's a good story and led to many good things in my life, although I know for certain that many of neighbors hated me for awhile.
    The inside of the orange house was not bad at all. Very simple and I probably would have had a great time had I stayed there. But we came home. Ah...home. The best place to be for the New Year.
    And one of the things I really want to do in 2008 is meet YOU!


Tell me, sweeties. Tell me what you think.