Volunteer sunflower under the bird feeder.
Somewhere between two and four-thirty a.m. this morning the thought occurred to me that despite what I had written in my post just a few hours earlier, there was absolutely no lesson to be learned from pain like I was experiencing that could be worth it.
It was a very bad night. I bet I walked a mile in this house, up and down the hallway, up and down the back porch, circuits around and around the kitchen island. Toradol was taken. I have no idea if it helped.
Are y'all tired of this?
Well so the fuck am I.
Glen slept through the whole thing and I'm glad. There was nothing he could do except fret and that would not help. I knew if I made the decision to go back to the ER, I could wake him up and he'd take me.
When it all finally stopped, it took me quite awhile to get back to sleep. I was exhausted but also keyed-up and scared to death that it would start again. It did not. And I've been pain free today except for some tenderness on that side. I did manage to pass two large what I am calling "stonettes" and they were red and ugly. Still tiny but quite visible.
I have been downhearted all day long. The way this keeps going on makes me frightened and despondent at the same time. And the unpredictability of the attacks is infuriating. It makes me afraid to go anywhere or to let Mr. Moon out of my sight.
That's a bit of an exaggeration. He can go as far as Tom's house and THAT'S IT!
But I did leave the property today, for the first time in almost a week, and went to the post office and then later, I actually walked to the Dollar General where I was able to buy orange juice, cucumbers, and bananas. As much as I fought that place, I have found it to be far less horrible than I thought it would be. And it is, in many cases, a convenience. Now the water levels on the land next to it and across the street from it (there is a culvert under the road) are as high as I think I've ever seen them. And we have not had a great deal of rain. It has rained today but I doubt we got anywhere near a half of an inch.
And that's where I am today. Wrung out, strung out, and left out to dry.
Still, there is this.
the unpredictability of this entire *experience* is what is most debilitating.....be gone with the stonettes already, and the pain and anxiety that accompany them. You've got to be close to the end of passing them all? At least......this is my biggest hope (and yours too, I know). I am so sorry to hear all this...... but....you deal as you must and Mr Moon by your side does help hugely.. too bad he can't snatch those things out for you! My heart goes out to you, Mary.ReplyDelete
PS you are NOT whining and bitching.........but if you wish to? whine and bitch away with wild abandon......... I think we all *get it*Delete
Thanks, Susan. This has been the weirdest and one of the hardest times of my life. Definitely physically, at least. And I don't think that anyone who has had kidney stones would disagree with that assessment.Delete
One time my younger daughter walked across the living room with a cup of coffee. Somewhere she tripped up and spilled the entire cup--on the living room ceiling! I was beyond livid. I was about to put the house on the market and now would have to repaint the living room, the dining room (continuous) and front hall (continuous). My daughter could not stop laughing. "Someday we will laugh about this, Mom." Actually, I still do not.ReplyDelete
I wonder if you will laugh about how angry you became, night after night, about the pain and duration of the effing little stones. Maybe one big one and done might have been better.
NO! Coffee on the ceiling? I completely understand why you are not yet laughing about this. Or ever will. One cup of coffee and how many days of work? Not to mention the expense.Delete
I don't think I'll be laughing about the pain I've had either. And I've thought about how it would have been to pass it on my own but I think it would have taken a very long time and the agony of that would have been so bad that I would have been back in the ER more than once because I just would not have been able to take it.
I wonder if the stent might have helped with the passing of the stonettes. Bit late now.ReplyDelete
I don't know. I have heard from people who know that this urologist is one of the best so I trust his judgement.Delete
You have been very brave. I hope this clears up soon so you can get back to normal again. Thanks for sharing your experience.ReplyDelete
You know what? I think I've been brave too. But really- what other choice did I have? I suppose I could have screamed some.Delete
37paddington: I wish I had a suggestion but I don’t. Just loving you, and praying for this ordeal to pass. I hope tonight is better.ReplyDelete
Oh, last night was so much better!Delete
Please don't stop telling us. We need to send good vibes.ReplyDelete
I agree Carol!Delete
Thank you, ladies. You are so sweet.Delete
I would be pissed too. You are so ready to be done with these stupid stones. I hope that was the last of them and you will sleep well tonight and have a pain free day tomorrow.ReplyDelete
I hope so too, Ellen. Let those last ones be the true LAST ones.Delete
I have my fingers crossed that all is soon well again with no more passing of gritty bits. Life is too short to waste time with pain walking. I'm glad you got to get out and about a bit.ReplyDelete
It felt so good to take just that little walk.Delete
Oh, golly. This is distressing. I'm so sorry this has turned out to be such a big hairy mess. Sending your strength for the journey.ReplyDelete
Thanks, Susan Z. It truly has been a bit of a nightmare.Delete
So sorry you are still going through this.ReplyDelete
A snacking cake? Cool. I love that you felt you had to explain to the gardener. That's the sort of too much information I'd give. It sounds horrible though and I hope it will be over soon.ReplyDelete
I didn't want him to think I was stomping around because I was mad at him for parking there. Plus, I am sort of the queen of TMI.Delete
I'm glad the snack cake is worth snacking! Sorry this stone situation is dragging on. Nothing I can say will make it better, but I hope it resolves soon. I had no idea a kidney stone would still be so painful after that shock wave treatment. At least you got out for a walk -- it seems like the more you move around, the more things might shake loose. (That's my completely unscientific theory.)ReplyDelete
No. I think you're right- being more active does help the stones move but knowing this sort of makes you NOT want to do it too because when they're moving is when it hurts. It's a conundrum.Delete
The cake was indeed snack worthy!
my tolerance for pain is a few days and after that I AM OVER IT. if they can break those things up then why the hell can't they suck them out? hopefully those were the last two.ReplyDelete
Think about how tiny our ureters are. I can't even figure out how they get a micro-camera in there. I guess that sucking them out isn't part of the technology yet.Delete
I am so sorry to hear about this pain you're experiencing -- I've been so distracted of late, but I send, now, lots of love and continued courage and strength!ReplyDelete
Thank you, dear Elizabeth.Delete
That flower made my day , beautiful xxReplyDelete
And I didn't even plant it. The birds did, in a way.Delete