Saturday, June 28, 2008

Birthday Musings


Well, tomorrow's the man's birthday and so far I have prepared for this event by doing...squat.
Okay. That's not entirely true. I did order him some shirts and a pair of flip-flops off the internet but there's not a chance in hell they'll arrive before tomorrow. I have to get all his clothes off the internet because he's too tall for regular sizes or, in the case of his feet, too big.
And you know what they say about big feet? Oh. You don't? Well, here it is:
Big feet, big....flip-flops.
They aren't kidding either.
His flip-flops are huge. You could take the rubber from one of his flip-flops, melt it down and use that rubber to make a tire for a Yugo. Or maybe two tires.
So anyway, I guess I have to go to town here in a while and find something in a store that I can give to him as a birthday present which is extremely stressful for me to contemplate. First off, because I probably won't find him a present in Publix which means I'll have to go to some other store, which is not part of my comfort zone, and secondly, because I don't have the slightest idea what this would be, this present.
I gave him like THREE things for Father's Day which was only two weeks ago and that about does it for my ability to buy presents for this man.
Right now he's out in the garage doing something with his car. Before breakfast he'd already broken his floor jack and stabbed himself in the hand with a sharp tool of some sort so he's having a good day. Last night he asked me how many push-ups I can do because he's going to need me to do some sort of car-holding-up while he's putting an exhaust system in today and so I'm not really looking forward to that. I mean, really. I can only do about four push-ups. How long could I possibly hold up an entire CAR?
I don't really think he needs me to hold up the car, although since he's broken the floor jack, maybe he does. I'll have to get some clarity on this situation but I'm sort of afraid to ask.
I know I need to go get the ingredients for a German Chocolate cake which is what he wants this year. The first year we were together on his birthday I made him a German Chocolate cake and I like that cake a lot and I don't mind making it. One year I was going to make him one but the dog ate the bar of German Chocolate before I got to the task and I freaked out because isn't chocolate supposed to be lethal to dogs?
Well, we all wish.
I bought another bar of chocolate and made the cake and then the dog got to THAT and ate half of it and yet, she still didn't die.
Once a friend of mine's dog ate a whole bunch of chocolate chip cookies and she, in a panic, called their vet and asked what she should do.
"Pour him a nice cold glass of milk," was the vet's professional suggestion.
So there. Once my small dogs got into some dark-chocolate covered espresso beans and I will say that that combination will keep your dogs up all night long and the phrase bouncing off the walls is not just metaphorical.
But I am procrastinating here because I don't want to go to the store(s) OR hold up a car with my very strong arms but as I have said before, I love this man and I am more than happy and grateful to celebrate his birthday with him again. I have celebrated his birthday with him for twenty-five years now and I can't even believe that as I type it but yes, it's true.
And I remember when we met and we were both twenty-nine, how old and worn out I felt, having two children already and having been married and divorced and was halfway through nursing school. I think now I was more exhausted than old and not even started in the process of being worn-out.
Today I definitely feel old and worn-out but I am hoping that in another twenty-five years I'll look back at this year and think, "Jeez. I was a spring chicken, full of vim, vigor and really good-looks," and I'll be making this man a cake of some sort.
I still won't know what to get him for his birthday but maybe his car will be restored by then and we'll take a drive, our antique gasoline powered engined car a relic that we'll have to buy gasoline for on e-bay because all of our cars will be powered with grits at that point. Or water or fingernail peelings or German Chocolate cake crumbs.
We'll be wearing white scarfs and the top will be down and I'll sing him happy birthday in my wavery old-woman voice as we cruise over the highways in our powerful car and hopefully, if it breaks down, he'll have a jack that works and I won't have to hold it up for him because I'll probably only be able to do two push-ups at that point but if he asks me to I'll try.
Because I love him.
From the top of his head to the bottom of his huge feet, I love that man.

8 comments:

  1. You hold our family up with your strong arms, a car should be no problem.

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  2. Perhaps you could get him a new floor jack as a birthday present? I wouldn't know where to buy one of these things, though, as a woman I am routinely ignored when I go into Pep Boys or Trax Auto - if I can't find what I need on a shelf and bring it to the register without asking questions, there's no point in asking someone behind the counter for help finding anything, as they won't talk to me. I don't know if you (or all women) have this problem at auto supply stores, too? But if you see a stack of floor jacks...under a sign that says 'floor jacks'....
    I wish I had known chocolate was not lethal for dogs. I once paid $140 for a vet to induce vomitting in a dog that had eaten some very chocolatey brownies! The vet told me the stuff was lethal! Nice scam these vets have!
    Happy Birthday, Mr. Moon!

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  3. Ms. Maybelle- I'm holding our family up!? No I am not. We are all holding us up with our mighty roots. Every one of us. Which is why we all have such very strong legs and why we can all walk so fast. But thank you for saying that. I feel like I should go practice my push-ups.

    Ms. MOB- I got him some Tervis Tumbler Tops and straws for his Tervis Tumbler. And some Dr. Bronner's bar soap. And a beer sampler. That should do it, right?
    I know what you mean, though, about the auto supply places. It is absolutely true that women are given shitty service and get shitty deals in the car industry, which is why Mr. Moon buys cars for so many women. They know they can trust him.
    Oh my. That was sort of tacky, wasn't it?
    Oh well. It's true.

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  4. Remember when we would play that his flip-flops were water skis? And we were not that young then.

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  5. I always imagine a white rat using his flip flop as a water ski thingee. That would be AWESOME! Wouldn't it?

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  6. I Love the photo. When I was fifty, the kids tried to take photos but the auto flash wouldnt flash- too much light from the camdles! yikes
    The word verification actually makes sense- sometimes- shickzq-ridkd

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  7. I think a white rat could use just one of his flip-flops as a surf board. Or maybe Ding Dang could...

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  8. That photo was totally stolen off google-images. Yep. Birthday cakes are hard to capture with a camera. Especially if your camera, like mine, is sort of out of commission.
    DTG- is that testicularly over-developed rat still alive?

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