This, That, Tit, And Tat

Glen took this picture yesterday and I forgot to post it. Maurice in the library on her queen pillow throne. I think she likes that specific nest because she is so well camouflaged there amongst the bears. The satin pillow doesn't hurt her feelings either.

I didn't feel like doing a damn thing today and I mostly didn't. Nor do I feel guilty about that which is quite unusual for me. I don't know why I have this constant need to feel that I absolutely must be constructive and productive and use my time wisely without wasting this one and only precious life, if you will. To know that I've earned my salt, that I deserve the air I breathe and the water I drink and the food I eat because I contribute.
Something. Or at least so I tell myself. 
But today it just didn't matter. 
I'm not especially depressed or anxious. I think I just don't care. 

One of the things I'm not caring about today is food. I didn't really care about it yesterday, either. We had leftovers last night which was fine because there were a lot of good ones in the refrigerator. And I was thawing out chicken and had a vague plan to make some sort of pasta with the chicken and a red sauce but the chicken was still mostly frozen when I went to start cooking it and I had no interest in going throw the process of unfreezing it in a bowl of dripping water and all that blah, blah, and I told Glen how I was feeling and bless him- he said, "I have all that pizza left! I'll eat that!" 
Okay. 
I will make a salad and that will be enough. Pizza is definitely a meal on crust, is it not? And oh- I forgot. I did make a breakfast. Biscuits were involved so I did cook. 

Let's just talk about foolish stuff- shall we? 
Stuff like- oh, how much I hate the word "pop" when it refers to a flavor or a color that brings extra energy to a food or a piece of clothing or a room. I don't know why I hate it but I do. It offends me on some deeply primal level. I get the same feeling from it I used to get when I was on a Girl Scout primitive camping trip on a mountain in North Carolina and I had a tent mate who annoyed the hell out of me. The thing she did that annoyed me the most was to refer to her shoes as "tennie-pumps." 
I still feel slightly nauseous when I think of that. 
Petty, I know. And yet, as real and true as a buffalo nickel. 

Another powerfully annoying thing to me is the way even appliances want you to download a goddamned app to control the appliances. Right now (and I may have already bitched about this) I am incensed at the fact that my dishwasher, which is a lovely and expensive dishwasher, requires me to download a "smart" app in order to access certain features on it. I can program it by hand to do regular loads and stuff like that but if I want to just run a rinse- I need the app hook-up. If I want to do a quick speed cycle- I need the app hook-up. 
What the fucking fuck? That makes no sense at all. Just give me the options on the controls. There is no reason on earth I would need to run those cycles via blue tooth. Or whatever it is. 

Okay. What next? 
Oh- this is a positive. I am SURE I've spoken about this before but it bears repeating in my opinion. I absolutely love my toaster oven/air fryer. I have learned that I can bake biscuits or cornbread in it on the oven function in about a quarter of the time it takes in the big oven. And I am not heating up the whole kitchen. And honestly, I think the biscuits I'm baking in it are the best I've ever made. We've already bought one at the cabin and Glen's used it several times. 

Hmmm...
Let me think. 
Okay. Here's another bitch- books, either audio or regular which aren't so bad that you feel no qualms at all about tossing them aside but aren't good enough to really justify spending the time on. I am not a person who when she starts a book feels that she must finish it. I used to be, thinking of the author and all the work and time they put into writing the book but come on- it's a mystery why some books ever got published in the first place AND not all books are for all people. 
This is just a fact. But it's those ones in the middle which are so frustrating to me. Audio books especially because the library does have a limited number of them to borrow and sometimes I feel like I've listened to all the good ones already so if I find one that's not terrible, I'll generally go on listening to the end but I have to admit I sort of hate myself for doing it and when I am done, I'm so glad it's over. 

Guilt. Let's discuss that. In truth, a little bit of guilt does everyone some good. At least that's what I believe. Guilt can motivate us to do something we know we should do and guilt can help us to define what it is that's making us feel that emotion and helping us to understand why whatever it is causing the guilt is a problem for us. Perhaps help motivate us to change things. Or not. But we do think about it.
People who don't experience any guilt are psychopaths. 
I know that's not the word we use any more but it gets the job done. 
I doubt Taco Tits has ever felt guilt in his life. Regret? Oh sure. Regret that he didn't assault even more women or manage to cheat his way into "winning" the 2000 election or that he doesn't have a bigger penis. 
You have to admit he does seem to be obsessed with penis size.
But the kind of guilt I'm talking about here is the kind that makes me feel like I'm a total waste of a human being if I don't suffer for at least an hour a day. Useless guilt. Stupid guilt. Also things like feeling guilty for things done or not done in the past that you can't possibly go back and undo. Like, oh say- things you may or may not have done as a parent. The things that wake us up at two in the morning and keep us awake for hours, fretting and obsessing about the fuck-ups we've made. 
Or is that just me? 

I'm trying to think of another thing I do like very much. Or that is helpful in my life. I did buy a bar of Dr. Bronner's bar soap a few weeks ago that I am enjoying very, very much. 

I have been a big fan of Dr. Bronner's soaps forever. I do what the label on the liquid soaps say which is to dilute, dilute! in those soap dispensers that create foam and I just love it. However, I detest shower gel. I never feel I can entirely rinse it off so I buy bar soap and although Dr. B's isn't the cheapest, I have a strong feeling that bar of soap is going to last well into fall. 

By the way- that is not my hand nor did I take that picture. And please note that lavender is far from the only scent they sell it in and none of them are things like, "Fresh Organic Linen Hung Out To Dry In Caribbean Sea Spray Over Fresh Cut Grass." 
Know what I mean? 

I guess that's enough. I can go make a salad now. I think I'll pick some arugula and different varieties of basil to go in it. I am so pleased to have discovered that arugula will grow all summer long, even in our intense heat, as well as being freeze hardy in the winter. 
I just planted more seeds in one of the canvas bag planters where I've been growing it and if it's anything like all the rest of the arugula I've planted, it will be coming up by tomorrow. I'm not sure about this kind, though. Mr. Moon bought it for me and it seems to be of the "wasabi" variety. I mean, yes, arugula should be nice and spicy and peppery but wasabi strength? 

We shall see. 

Much love...Ms. Moon