Thanks. And I Mean It

It was mighty nice, as I said, to get that hour of sleep this morning without feeling guilty but dammit, now I'm so tired and it's not even eight o'clock, not that it matters.

I am no damn good at being sick. Not one bit of good.

I watched a sweet, silly movie that had Jeff Bridges in it and that was okay. It sure didn't change the world, that movie, but it was not bad for pure mindless entertainment. The Amateurs.
I got the trash taken and the laundry done and that seemed like I'd dug a ditch from here to China. I let the dogs in and out about one thousand times. I'm still doing it.

I took a bath and read.

I missed Owen so much it hurt. Lily told me that he's patting her back now when she holds him. I remember when my babies first started doing that and I thought I'd die from the sweetness. God but I want to hold Owen close to me. I miss his little hands and his feet and his sturdy legs and the way he looks at me, that smart brain in there just cooking away it's growing so fast. I miss the way he starts speaking in tongues when he's really tired and how he wants to ride on my hip and how when he hears Elvis crow he looks up at me and laughs. I miss how he moves his hand back and forth really fast when he doesn't want something. He has his own sign language and I know it.

I made a big salad and ate it and I could have been eating fried grits for all it mattered. I bet I've had at least ten cups of tea today. Needless to say, I've peed a lot.

I missed Waylon's birthday and a meeting at the Opera House. Freddie was going to come out and film and I had to tell him that he probably shouldn't because this cold is not what you want to have.

But for all of that, it's been a nice day. I talked to my husband and he's having a good time in the woods and the reunion went okay too. "Bunch of old people, mostly," he said, and we laughed. We're not old.
Oh yes, we are.

And everyone has been so nice to me today here. You know what? I haven't spoken face to face with another real human being in two days. But I don't feel lonely. I've spoken to Kathleen today on the phone and also Lily and May. And Jessie. And Lis. And Freddie. So that was fine and really- enough. People on the phone can't see how stupid you look.
"Mama! Do something with that hair!" I can hear Jessie saying.
Not really. Well, maybe. She's always been my fashion instructor.

So okay. It's eight o'clock now. I'm going to bed. My body wants to LAY DOWN and I don't want to do it any place where I'll just have to get up at some point and move.

I'm really bad at being sick.

See you tomorrow. Thanks for coming around today. You've made me feel like I'm still here, even if I am gargoyle-lobotomized, not fit for company and you have no idea how much I appreciate that.

Time Out

Well, the inevitable has happened, I suppose. I have a cold. One of my daughters had it last week and a few of the people who came over on Saturday did too. Add in the emotional roller coaster I've been on for a week and the weather and you have the perfect equation for getting sick.
But it's not so bad. I'm here at home, the sun is shining outside, the big tub is waiting to be filled with hot water, epson salts and lavender oil. I've been doing a little laundry, watching some crazy daytime TV and crocheting a hat.
I'm a lousy crocheter, but I'd have to be on death's door to simply sit and watch TV, especially in the daytime.
It's strange how guilty I feel, not doing something I consider to be productive. I don't have soup simmering or bread rising and I'm not outside cutting back frozen plants or working in the garden or even going to the grocery store or library. I'm not walking or doing yoga.
I'm just sort of taking care of myself in a quiet and slow way, which in my world, is something that does not come easy.
But for today, or at least for right now, I am going to let the rest of the world take care of itself. And guess what? I have a strong feeling that it'll do just fine without me, which is a nice thought, and reassuring and yet, at the same time slightly scary.
Maybe I better make some bread.