My husband and I are flying to Texas this weekend for the funeral of his brother-in-law. As you may know, it has been a bad year so far for us when it comes to losing people we love. This funeral will be held in a Baptist church in a town not far from Dallas and we will be flying.
Frankly, I hate air travel, unless I'm traveling somewhere like Cozumel, Mexico but who doesn't? The airlines have determined that we will still pay their outrageous airfares to get from Point A to Point B even though they don't serve food or guarantee that your plane won't sit on the runway for less than ten hours before take-off, and that you'll desperately wish you could detach your legs and stow them under the seat in front of you before the trip is over. Also, it is a proven fact that the terrorists have won because otherwise, why would we let ourselves, like cattle being led to the slaughter, be wanded, frisked, and interrogated before boarding an airplane to fly to a funeral?
You can't wear jewely on a plane because taking it off and putting it in the little dish would hold up the lines and you can't wear shoes that take more than three seconds to take off for the same reason (thanks! Shoe Bomber) and you can't take liquids on the plane that are in anything but one ounce bottles. Or is it eight ounce? I can't keep up. No scissors, no pocket knives, no bombs. Well, you could probably get a bomb through security but those fingernail scissors will definitely be confiscated.
BUT, we will get on that plane at some god-awful early hour on Friday morning and we will fly to Texas and we will rent a car and we will drive to this town where the funeral is and we will stay at the Holiday Inn Express where hopefully, there will be a liquor store right next door.
And we will do this because we loved Ron and we love his wife and we love his sons and that's what you do when someone you love dies.
I have bought a new dress which is so soft and comfy that traveling in it will be like traveling in my nightgown and I'm sure that will help. I am hoping that we won't go through any storms like the one I flew through once where the flight attendant sitting in front of me discretely fingered her rosary, her lips moving silently in prayer while pretending to read as the plane bucked, jumped, dropped, rose and dropped again as we flew through torrential rain and crashing lightening. I also hope I will not suffer a gall-bladder attack like the one I had on the way back from Las Vegas once that was so bad I thought I would surely die, although I never let out so much as a peep. I did turn to my husband and say, "Honey. I think I'm dying."
"Really?" he said.
"Uh-huh," I answered, as sweat beaded on my upper lip.
"Well what should I do?" he asked.
"I don't know," I said in a quiet scream.
"Okay," he said and turned back to the in-flight magazine he was reading.
I lived and we're still married.
So I'm not really looking forward to the trip but I'm sure there will be some good moments with family and I wouldn't not be there for the world.
And another thing I'm sure of is that we'll eat some Jello this weekend because as far as I know, there has never been a Southern church funeral in history where Jello was not present in one form or another with a host of other yummy ingredients of which vodka, sadly, is not one, and labeled as a salad.
I was discussing this with my husband tonight who didn't realize this fact. I don't know why, since he was raised in the South and I'm sure he attended a few funerals. I pointed out to him that almost all salads at Southern funerals have Jello in them. He REALLY didn't believe that, but I got out a wonderful cookbook his aunt gave me that was one her Methodist Church put together and turned to the "salad" section.
There are thirty-six salad recipes in this cookbook and seventeen of those have Jello as an ingredient. There is one with Jello pudding listed as an ingredient but I didn't count that.
I found one that sounded so outrageously good that I decided to copy it here. Read it, weep, and get out your oblong pan. I am desperately hoping someone makes this recipe for the funeral we're attending.
I'll bring my own vodka.
Pretzel Salad
1st layer: 1 and 2/3 cups pretzels, crushed
1 and 1/2 sticks margarine
3 Tbsp. sugar
Mix and bake 15 minutes at 350 degrees
2nd layer: 1- 8 oz. carton Cool Whip
1/2 cup sugar
1- 8 oz. package cream cheese
3rd layer: 1- 6 oz. package strawberry Jello or 2- 3 oz. packages
2 cups water (I presume for making the Jello)
1 package frozen strawberries
Pour the 2nd layer on top of the pretzel mixture, then the 3rd layer of Jello and strawberries.
Pour this in large oblong dish. Keep refrigerated.
It tastes like it has nuts in it.
Enjoy!
