Fretting, Fearing, And Generally Being Ridiculous

My pictures of the zinnias really do not adequately represent the abundant colorful happiness of their blossoms in the garden. I need to start cutting more of them because that makes them bloom more profusely and I do love them in vases but somehow seeing them growing outside with their faces to the sun and open to the pollinators makes me happier. But if I must cut them, then cut them I will. 
Or, some. 
I hardly ever cut the phlox either which is starting to show off. 

It's blooming in the sunnier locations and the ones in the shade will soon be following. 

The garden is in a bit of a stall right now. The tomatoes are still fruiting but the beans are definitely on the downslide. I picked enough today for a pot of them for our supper and I am still not tired of them in the least. I'll cook these with some of those gnarly potatoes we grew. 
I hardly saw any aphids today on the field peas so perhaps the soapy spray helped a little. Who knows? 
Not me.
Like I said yesterday I am going to try and restrain myself from picking those green podded pearls until they are nice and truly fat, just starting to turn yellow. And then I'll be just like the memaws of old who sat on the front porch with a basket of peas at her feet and a bowl in her lap to shell her peas. 
Except of course I'll be in the Glen Den with the AC and TV on. 
Same-same though, right? 
Here are my two favorite vegetables in the garden right now.

As in, I have two specific vegetable favorites which is not like saying, "Oh, the cucumbers are my favorite vegetables in the garden right now." (They are not.) This pepper is without a doubt the biggest, glossiest bell pepper I've ever grown in my life and I'm fairly sure is the only one which will actually reach the red stage before the bugs eat it. 

And here we have that same white eggplant. It's the only one of its kind. So far. I can't wait until it's big enough to pick and I will make Granny Matthew's eggplant casserole with it which is one of my favorite things in the world. I have several beautiful, shiny purple eggplants getting bigger by the day and am still getting the pretty little fairytale eggplants. I have discovered that those are excellent cut up into a sauce for pasta or stewed with tomatoes and onions as a side dish. I suppose I could use them to make a miniature eggplant parmesan and wouldn't that be adorable? 
My clown peppers are also cheering me up. I'm not sure why but their little tri-lobed shapes seem so comedic, so silly. Some of them are starting to color up, showing signs of going from their bright lime green color to the red they're supposed to achieve at maturity. 

Mr. Moon is home from the seas although not this home. Not yet. He's off the water and at his friend Alan's house at the coast where they are cleaning both the boat and I assume and hope, some fishes. I'll see him when I see him. I will be glad to have him home. I am feeling some anxiety this evening and I'm not sure why exactly, although I have a few ideas. I have some upcoming events which are causing me what I would call, if not panic, then at least fairly serious anxiety. None of these events are going to be truly stressful, at least for a normal person but for me, they roil my brain and belly. There are things I need to do which are pretty far out of the boundaries of my comfort zone and I work so hard to avoid that. It's ridiculous but it's the truth. 

I'm also anxious about the fact that I have nothing to give Glen for his birthday. Not a thing. Even the card I bought him (at Publix, of course) is ridiculous. The choices for birthday cards for men and specifically husbands are few. Of course I could make one but I won't. I did go into town to check out the thing I thought might be appropriate for his cabin but it was not at all what I thought it was and so no. It is almost impossible for me to get him a gift. Anything he wants or needs, he simply gets. Art to go on the walls of the lake house would be nice but art is such a subjective thing and I have known him long enough to be certain that our tastes differ vastly. I've always said that if he had his way, our bathrooms would have wallpaper borders that matched the shower curtains and that is certainly never going to happen anywhere I live while I still have breath in my body. Plus I think he may be a little over that at this point. 

I bought the last two out of the three quarts of strawberries at Publix today because he had said earlier this month that he would really like a strawberry shortcake and if I'm going to do it, now's the time. I had thought about making him a German chocolate cake which is what I made for him on the first birthday of his we were together, but the Father's Day dessert was (and still is) so very chocolately and rich that I thought that might be redundant. 

I guess the bottom line is that I simply feel inadequate right now. I do not feel strong and capable. I feel weak and incapable. 
I feel fearful. 
And isn't that what anxiety is all about? Perhaps depression is too. 
I don't know. 
I do know I need to pull up my big-girl panties and get on with what must be done.
Sigh. Why is everything so damn hard for some of us while for others it appears that the very same things are just part of life, easily done, nothing to be worried about. 
I do not know. 

Yet we persevere, do we not? 

Yes. And generally, almost always, we are so glad we did. 

Love...Ms. Moon