Boo-Hoo-Hoo. Welcome To My Pity Party

I went to turn on a spigot yesterday and that little guy (or gal) was lounging in the sun on the handle. He let me take his picture and I really was going to delay turning the water on in order not to disturb him and then I realized that for goodness sake, that lizard would be in no way harmed by me urging it into the weeds. But before I even did that, he jumped off of his own accord. I suppose I was pretty threatening. 
I saw a tiny bitty lizard a little later on who was hanging out in the petals of a camellia and it was so cute. I really wanted to get a picture of that but I had to get too close which scared the poor baby thing who skittered off down a branch. At least there are plenty more camellias where it could make another pink, cozy place to nap. 

While yesterday was sort of like a dream in that I got a lot done and I enjoyed doing it and was even rather thrilled to get my beans in the ground, today has not been like that at all. I have felt worthless and incapable of getting anything done. 
I suppose what I mostly accomplished was going through my closet and weeding out a whole lot of stuff that simply does not fit me anymore and a lot of that is dresses that I have owned and loved for many summers. My Flax linen ones, mostly. My aqua and teal and turquoise dresses. My two black ones, my red one and my deep, deep blue one. I put a lot of the most precious ones aside to perhaps get altered but some of them are so old that it hardly seems worth it. Is it smarter to get the old ones altered or to use that money to buy some new ones? And when I say "new" you know I mean eBay new, mostly. The dresses are all still in pretty good shape as applies to the fabric holding together beautifully, as well as the construction of them, but some of them have faded or perhaps have a stain here or there. I have lived in those dresses for many summers. They have provided faithful service and that is one of the reasons I hate to get rid of them entirely. I get way too emotionally attached to certain garments. 
There's also the fear, whether rational or not, that I will gain this weight back. If I lose my access to the Glp-1, it's a pretty sure bet I'll gain at least some of it back. We are all treading in new waters here, people. I do believe I've lost all the weight I need to lose and also all the weight I want to lose. If you had told me a year ago that this would be the situation now, I would have passed out. And yet the loss has been gradual, except for perhaps the first few weeks when it was more dramatic. Slow, steady, and basically painless. I still get hungry and when that happens, I eat. 
Just not nearly as much. In some ways, my diet is better than it has been in a very long time. I am eating far more plants and healthier fats and lots of protein in the form of beans although I've always done that. But it is not JUST the appetite suppressant factor. Here's what Stanford University says, to sum it up rather neatly. 

"...GLP-1 receptor agonists work through several mechanisms beyond just suppressing appetite. They significantly regulate metabolism by slowing gastric emptying (making you feel full longer), boosting insulin production when blood sugar is high, and lowering glucagon, which helps manage blood sugar. Additionally, they reduce cravings and, in some cases, lower the risk of heart disease, stroke, and kidney disease."

Does this sound like a miracle drug? Why yes it does. Do I feel like it's been a miracle drug in my own personal life? 
I certainly do.

Which brings us back around to clothing not fitting. 
I've even had to buy new underwear. Yes, my big girl panties are now too big. And of course I've loved buying my new Levi's but let us be honest- one cannot wear Levi's in the summer in Florida. Well, one could but one would probably die of heat stroke. 
My skirts that I wanted to wear so badly now fit and I am grateful I kept them. Good call! 
I wish I'd kept some of my men's cargo shorts but alas, I did not. I will have to see if Old Navy still sells them. 
But I live in Flax linen dresses in the summers. They are cool, they have pockets, and they do not wear out. I even bought one today from the aforementioned eBay. I am not quite sure about my present size in that brand so this one will be a sort of trial run. 

All of this, of course, is a very good problem to have but bagging up all those garments was hard for me. And as I said, there is that niggling little voice that says, "Girl, you are making a big mistake."

None of this put me in a good mood. Or even in a better mood. I did get a delivery from Duluth Trading Company, which as you all know I love and adore and by the way- the idea of giving up my beloved Duluth overalls hurts my heart and yet, they are simply too big now. What I had ordered was a bra-like garment. It's a cami with a shelf bra but not one of those stupid ass shelf bras that has CUPS sewed into it but is made of the same stretchy fabric as the cami but doubled. So it's a little bit like an even more comfy sports bra. I am at the point in my life where if I never wore a bra again I would be fucking thrilled but the loss of weight has not been kind to my bosoms and I really would just like them to at least be relatively on the same level. 
Know what I'm saying, ladies? 

I opened the package and the cami's are good. They are neither delicate or frilly. They are utilitarian and comfortable. They are also sturdy. Here's a link in case any of you might be interested. And of course I do not get any sort of monetary or any other type reward for this. I'm just telling you that I think this is a quality product and will serve you well. 

I spent some time outside again, determined to plant my new azalea if nothing else but I did not. The place where I was thinking of planting it has some definite downsides to it. One, there seems to be some sort of powdery mildew situation going on in that area. Two, it would be too close to a spirea bush that I ignorantly planted a few years ago. The spirea needs to come out because it does not get enough sun to bloom there, needing a lot more light than a native azalea does, but it's bigger than I can dig up myself. I'm sure Glen could do it but will he get around to it? Maybe I should just try again to dig it up myself. I did some more weeding in that area but in the mood I'm in, I really don't even feel like that's worth the energy when there are so many other parts of the yard clamoring for attention. 

Again. All of this is nothing but a privileged old white woman's stupid obsessions. We cannot even call them problems.  

Here's another memory picture I want to share.

Magnolia June, barely one year old, hugging her cousin August Glinden who was only a few months older. 
As I recall, Maggie was far more enthusiastic than August was about this hug. But Lord, aren't they cute? Their little shoes break my heart. 

That's it for tonight.

Love...Ms. Moon