Dragons Are Real

I woke up this morning to find this photo in my messages. It came from the contact I call August/Levon now that they are sharing a phone. A phone with a pretty bad camera. This was also waiting for me. 

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I assume my doter had just gotten home from her night shift. 

I had no idea whether it was Levon or August who'd sent me this treasure trove of pictures and text. I replied anyway, "Thank you! You have a beautiful mama! Is that a real lizard?"

The answer came back, "No, that is a 3D printed dragon."

Well okay then. I have no more idea about how one goes about making a 3D printed dragon than I do about how I would go about making a 3D printed space station.
It turned out my morning correspondent was August. I think I will be sad when those two boys tire of the novelty of using their phone to send texts to their grandmother. Any clue I get from one of my grandchildren about what's going on in their brains is something I enjoy a lot. And of course, just the idea that they might want to interact with me on any level is precious. 

I am not filled with words today. I think I am going through something and I am not at all sure what it is or what the root cause is but I had another small panic attack this afternoon and yes, I'm pretty darn sure that's what it is. All the symptoms I have fit right into the panic attack profile. Mr. Moon was here and he held me and that helped tremendously and he got me a half a tiny Ativan to take and I suppose that helped too but not as much as his presence. He understands these things, having gone through them himself at times and although I wish he hadn't, it makes me feel as if he knows what I'm going through and that it is quite real. 
I am certain that the stress of living with the news that gets worse and worse every day of the cruelty and horror of what the administration is doing is part of this whole situation for me. That stuff is a constant and it escalates so often seems it can't be taken in before the next unbelievable thing happens. All of that is like a dank gray blanket constantly blocking out the sun and whatever joy I may have so that any added worry or fear, however illogical, just kicks the whole panic process into high gear and here we go. 
Yes. I should quit obsessing about the news which, by the way, I only get online, but if I try to back off, I feel even more anxious because how can we be prepared if we don't see what's coming? 

Here- I saw a pileated woodpecker right beside the back porch this morning, loudly tattooing a rotten pecan branch for whatever it is that lives in a rotten pecan branch. I dug more crocosmia out of the dirt in front of the fence. I planted some chives in growing bags. 
I texted with my grandson. The seeds in my garden are all coming up and it looks like rain and I can hear birds calling for it but I doubt we'll get much, if at all. Still. I know there will be rain again sometime. 

I have snapper and field peas to cook. 

I have a partner who is my safe harbor. 

These things are all good and all real. I will try my best to hold on to them. I will try my best not to check every two hours to see if anything has changed for the better to give me even the tiniest sliver of hope for change. 

That's all. 

Love...Ms. Moon